He turned away and started walking toward his SUV.
She blinked at him for a moment in shock and then ran after him. She grabbed on to his arm, spinning him to face her. “Don’t you dare walk away! You don’t get to do that to me again, Mark. Not this time.”
He turned to look at her with those dark, empty eyes. “I’m sorry, Jess.”
“We can work through this together,” she said as tears swam in her eyes and her stomach twisted with fear.
He kept walking. Each thump of his boots against the pavement felt like someone had taken a hammer to her heart, beating it into a million broken pieces. How could he walk out on her now, after everything they’d been through together?
No, no, no…
“If you walk away now, we’re through,” she whispered, her voice breaking.
Mark gave no indication he’d even heard her, still striding across the parking lot toward his SUV.
“Did you hear me?” she yelled as tears splashed over her cheeks. “If you walk away now, that’s it, Mark. We’re finished. For good this time.”
He paused, nodded slightly, and then climbed into his SUV and drove away.
***
Mark thought he knew pain. He’d gone through boot camp, spent a night buried under sand in the desert, and gotten himself blown half to pieces by a suicide bomber, but none of it hurt as bad as losing Jess.
His chest felt like someone had ripped his heart right out through his rib cage.
And the worst part was that it was his fault. He’d gone and fucked it up, just when he’d finally started to think he and Jess might have a future together. He hadn’t meant to keep secrets or shut her out. Maybe he just wasn’t wired for relationships, for the level of intimacy that involved baring every dark, scarred corner of your soul. When Jess had confronted him with the truth, he’d pushed her away. He didn’t even know why he’d done it. All he’d known was that he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think…he’d been consumed by the need to escape, to be alone.
And now he’d lost her.
He spent the next day at Off-the-Grid, ripping out carpet, drywall, and everything else that had been damaged by the fire. The entire rear section of the house was smoke-stained and waterlogged. Fortunately, he and the guys would be able to do most of the labor themselves.
In fact, Mark planned to bury himself in work at Off-the-Grid until the pain in his heart had dulled. He might not be wired for relationships, but he was good at this. Between refinishing the inside of the house and building the mountain bike course, he ought to be busy for a good, long time. Long enough to keep him from dwelling on what might have been with Jess. Not nearly long enough to get over her.
He’d never get over her. She’d been the only woman for him since he was seventeen years old, and nothing was going to change it now. He’d already had plenty of experience living without her, but after the things they’d shared these last few months, the memories and the fantasies would never be enough. Not now.
By the time he left Off-the-Grid, it was almost nine o’clock, and he was about to go out of his mind. He had to see Jess. He needed to explain. He could do better than he’d done yesterday. Desperation roared through his veins as he drove toward her house.
He pulled into the driveway and was knocking on her front door almost before he’d realized what he was doing. His heart pounded in his throat.
She opened it, staring up at him with dull eyes, her lips set in a frown.
“Jess…” He had no idea what to say. “I’m sorry.”
“I am too,” she said.
“I shouldn’t have walked out on you yesterday.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” She blew out a breath, staring at him for several long, painful seconds. “But I meant what I said. I can’t do this with you anymore. It just hurts too much.” Two tears slid silently down her cheeks.
He stepped back, her words landing like a harsh slap of reality. It was too late. He knew as well as anyone that some things couldn’t be fixed. As he walked back to his SUV, he felt like he’d left a vital part of himself behind on her doorstep.
***
Jessica stood inside the unfinished walls of her first spa cabin. The bedroom, bath, and lounge area all circled around an open-air courtyard in the center of the space. Here, guests could recline in a hammock or soak in the hot tub and stargaze right in the middle of their cabin. They could even receive spa treatments right here from the privacy of their courtyard. Retractable screens would soon be installed that could be pulled out over the whole courtyard, allowing it to be used in any weather.
Right now, she was only looking at a skeleton of the finished product, but still…it was amazing. It was exactly what she’d been dreaming about for so many years.
“I love it,” she said aloud, clasping her hands in front of her as she spun in a full circle, taking it all in.
