She couldn’t hide the sadness in her eyes. In a world where people were supposed to materialize from the womb, life plans intact, I could only imagine how difficult these last few months had been for her. “The things people want out of life evolve. It’s necessary. It’s natural. But I’ve seen more people than you can imagine stay the course instead of risking the discomfort of change. So, yes. I’m proud of you. You risked the change. It has already paid off, and I have to believe it will continue to do so.”
Clasping my charm bracelet around her wrist and admiring it, she said, “Babs, it’s okay for you to risk the discomfort of change too, you know.”
I felt butterflies in my stomach at the mere thought of Miles. “In case no one has ever told you, everything becomes more uncomfortable the older you get.”
We both laughed, and she removed the bracelet, putting it back inside the felt-lined jewelry bag the girls had gotten me for my birthday nearly twenty years ago.
“Sooo…” Julia said. “Not to bring up sore subjects, but…”
I raised my eyebrow. “We’ve covered Miles and Hayes. Do we have yet more sore subjects?”
“I have to go talk to my professor tomorrow. The one who told me I wasn’t going to make it as an architect.”
My stomach rolled for her.
“I’m kind of scared,” she said.
Maybe I should have told her that I was scared too. But I didn’t. Instead, I thought about the other times in my life I’d been afraid. Wondering if I was making the right decision by marrying Reid instead of pursuing my very real feelings for Miles. Coming home from the hospital with two babies, not one. Moving out of my beloved home and into a fresh start. But I had made it through each and every challenge. I had come through them better than the woman I had been on the other side. And so I said, “The greatest things that have ever happened to me have come when I have chosen to face my fear.”
Julia zipped my jewelry bag shut. “Not true, Babs. I don’t believe you have ever been afraid in your entire life.”
Those words reverberated in my mind for hours after Julia and I parted, me heading back to the beach, her to Raleigh. I smiled thinking of Miles, of the way he held me close when we danced, of how his hand felt on the small of my back, at the silly way he grunted when he served on the tennis court. It was much too soon to call it love, but it was much too late in our lives to ignore it.
When I pulled back into my complex, I felt myself relax. As much as I wanted to pretend that nothing had changed, that long drive on the highway was getting harder. I was exhausted and shaken. As the stress of the drive wore off, I realized I had another thing to be nervous about: I had to talk to Miles. Who was I, at my age, to even pretend to have this sort of love affair? Did women my age get to feel these things again?
I was exhausted as I lay my small bag on my bed. I wanted nothing more than a cold drink and a hot bath. But I had always been one to unpack right away. I wouldn’t want to do my chores tomorrow any more than I did today. And, being at Summer Acres, there were so few of them to do anyway.
When I unzipped my tote, the first thing on top was a postcard of Biltmore. I smiled at the sight of it. Julia must have slipped it in while she was putting my things in the car.
Dear Babs,
Thank you for encouraging me to live out my dream. I can’t tell you what it means to me. I just want to make sure that you know it’s okay to live out your next dream too, whatever—and with whomever—that might be. Mom and Alice love you so much that they will come around. And if they don’t, I’ll shame them into pretending that they have. Follow your heart. Be happy. It’s what Pops would want. Love you from Asheville to Morehead City and back. (That’s got to be farther than the moon, right?)
XO Julia
I smiled, held the card to my chest and laughed at how similar we were. I’d snuck a card in her suitcase too. I hoped she would find it. I worried about her but reassured myself that her spirit was too abundant and wild to ever break.
I got up and, just as I was organizing my toiletries in the bathroom, heard a voice call “Barbara!” Those butterflies, the ones that had caused me to run off to Asheville in the first place, welled up. But then I felt myself smiling at the sound of Miles’s voice. When Imet him in the living room, the hug he wrapped me in, the kiss he placed on my lips, felt easy, natural, almost automatic.
When we pulled apart, I gasped and put my hand to my lips. How long had it been since a man had kissed them?
“I… I’m sorry,” he fumbled. “I didn’t even think. It was just my natural reaction.”
“Mine too,” I whispered. I was feeling so many emotions that I couldn’t quite place them. But, no, perhaps I could. Relief was top of mind. It was like all that worry, all that stress, just melted away. I hadn’t had to think about this big step, it just flowed; it was pure emotion and chemistry. To me, that was everything.
“That’s good, right?”
“Our first kiss,” I said, finally smiling now.
“No, no. Don’t you remember? Our first kiss was more than sixty years ago.”
I chuckled. “Of course. Of course it was.” Somehow, the remembrance of that night on the riverbank as twenty-year-old camp counselors, fireworks bursting overhead, soothed the part of me that felt conflicted. This wasn’t starting something new and scary, not really. It was falling back into something old and familiar. And old and familiar was what I craved right now. But old and familiar also meant truth. It also meant explanations.
I took his hand and led him to the couch. “You asked me a few days ago why I’d been so set on marrying Reid,” I started, slowly.
His eyes were pinned on mine, searching my face.
“The world is a completely different place than it was when you and I were young. There’s nothing that hasn’t changed, but, even still, I feel a little ashamed…”
