I had come to Jack once to ask him this unaskable favor. So when I came to him a second time, we both knew what that meant. We both knew that indescribably wonderful night on his back patio would mean another few months down the rabbit hole, another beginning of something that would have to end when I got pregnant, when I went back to my husband, my family, and my life, for good.
I felt I should say something else, but I wasn’t sure what, so I sipped my tea and stayed quiet, still in that moment so many years ago.
“Sometimes it doesn’t seem real,” Jack said, saying what I felt.
I nodded. “I know. I look back and think,No, no. I would never have done that. That must have been someone else.”
“I’m so glad that this is now and not then,” Jack said.
I nodded in agreement, staying silent.
“So,” he finally ventured, “I’m thrilled that Emerson is having our dream wedding.”
“I don’t even know what to say about that. Do you think Caroline heard us or something?”
Jack shrugged.
“But even if she did,” I added, “it’s not like she would want to punish us in any way. It’s not like she would want to ruin our special day for any reason.”
Jack, who was in mid-gulp of a beer, choked.
“Are you OK?”
He gave me a thumbs-up but kept coughing. There it was again. That odd behavior that disturbed me so much. Sure, it could have been a random choke on a beer. But it seemed like something more to me. He walked inside, and when he came back out, he was sipping a glass of water.
I studied his face. “Jack,” I said casually, “is there anything you need to tell me?”
He peered at the steak on the grill like it was his most important life’s work. “Nope,” he said, equally as casually but with a strain that shouldn’t have been there. “Not a thing.”
Maybe it was my paranoia kicking in, but things had been off with him for days, and I couldn’t stand it for a second longer. “If you don’t want to be with me, just say it. Don’t make me wait until I’m even more in love with you to break my heart.”
Jack looked at me incredulously.
I threw my arms up in the air. “What?” I asked. “Is it someone else? Do you miss Lauren? Because something is going on with you.” Neither of us had ever so much as uttered his ex-wife’s name. We hadn’t even mentioned her since the night more than six months ago when Jack had walked back into Peachtree Bluff and back into my life. But I couldn’t help but feel lately that his odd behavior meant a secret. And it terrified me deep down to my core that a secret meant another woman.
He walked over, pulled me up off the chair, sat down, and pulled me onto his lap. “Ansley, all I have wanted for forty years is you. You are the absolute love of my life, and I will probably die if you ever say that again.”
“The steaks,” I whispered. I could smell them starting to burn.
“I don’t give a damn about the steaks. Not then, not now. I don’t care if the whole house burns down. I want you to hear me when I say this: you are oxygen. I cannot live without you, not really, and I refuse to do so for another single day in my life.”
The steak was tough and overcooked. But Jack loved me. If I had to choose one or the other, it sure wouldn’t be the steak.
Three hours later, I was about to call it a night when I heard shouts and laughter from the end of the street. “No,” I said. “No, no, no, no, no.”
Then someone screeched, “Mom! You waited up.”
And someone else screeched, “That’s not even our porch, you drunk dumb-ass.”
And I knew for sure that no one had listened to my sage advice not to drink too much. Sober Caroline, Sloane, and Emerson were a lot. Drunk Caroline, Sloane, and Emerson should be locked up. I hated drunk people. They were my pet peeve. And it seemed my next few hours were going to be peevish.
“Mom, Mom!” Emerson called as she fiddled with the gate. “Tom at the tavern is adding a new martini list to the menu.”
“Mom,” Sloane chimed in, “he made one of every martini on the menu for us to share.”
I grimaced. “Yes, Sloane. I can see that.”
“Mom, look what Sloane and I got you and Emerson.” Caroline stumbled up the walk and pulled a lacy thong out of her purse. It had “bride” in rhinestones on the front, and a veil attached with a blue bow on the back.
