That was why, I reminded myself for the millionth time, I could not be with Jack. I had been standing at his front door, holding my sketchbook for ten minutes, trying to gear myself up to go in. Biscuit was getting impatient at my feet, her little tail thumping on the wood of the front porch. She whined up at me. “I know,” I said. “But it’s complicated. You’re a dog. You wouldn’t understand.”
Just then, the door flew open. I screamed, Biscuit barked, and I expected to hear Jack’s gasp, but that wasn’t what I heard at all. Instead, there was a second scream, one of the busty blond variety named after the state in which we currently resided. She was wearing a cocktail dress.
People do not wear cocktail dresses at nine in the morning unless they are, as my girls would say, doing the walk of shame. “Oh, hi, Ansley,” she said, grinning at me like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
Mycookie jar.
I was having trouble regulating my breath. I was trying to smile and make my face look normal. Did my face look normal? I looked down at Biscuit, who was looking up at me. She started barking in Georgia’s direction, which is how I knew once and for all that my face did not, in fact, look normal.
Georgia had her clutch in one hand and a wrap in the other. I knew I should say something, but I didn’t know what.
“I had a flat tire,” she said quickly.
“How convenient,” I said under my breath.
“What?”
Her hair was mussed in the back—definitely sex hair.
I could hear Jack’s footsteps coming down the hall, and I turned to leave. I couldn’t possibly face him. Not now. I should have been sad or heartbroken, but really, I was just mad. So, no, we couldn’t be together. I couldn’t have him. But I didn’t wantherto have him either. It was a mature reaction.
Unfortunately, as I turned to walk down the porch steps, so did Georgia. “Jack and I went to the most splendid benefit last night. And then we got home, and I had a flat tire. And he was in no position to drive, so...”
“We have got to get Uber here,” I said, an edge to my voice.
She laughed delightedly and winked at me. “Oh, I hope we don’t.”
“Ansley?” I heard Jack call from the porch as if there were any question about who I was.
I wanted to pretend that I didn’t hear him. But I couldn’t. I was twenty feet in front of him. I turned and held up my sketchbook. “I’ll come back later,” I said, relieved to see he was at least dressed. “When you’re not so busy.”
“Now is good,” he said. “Come on in.”
“I can’t wait to see what you do to the place, Ansley,” Georgia called.
Maybe it was only in my mind, but the way she said it made me feel like she wanted me to get it all spruced up so she could move right in. I would die. I would die if he were living beside me with another woman, and then my children would have yet another tragedy to deal with. A vision of them sobbing in black at my funeral crossed my mind.
No. I couldn’t die. I didn’t have time.
The last thing I wanted was to walk through that front door, but I had to.
“You’re upset,” Jack said.
How perceptive. “No,” I said. “Not upset.”
Of course I was upset. How could I not be upset? I loved him, for heaven’s sake. He named his boat after me, and now he was having sleepovers with Realtors from Atlanta named Georgia. But I had no right to be upset. I had told him it wasn’t time for us to be together, that I had to focus on my girls. And all of that was true. When you loved someone, weren’t you supposed to want good things for them? I took a deep breath, swallowed my pride, and said, “You deserve to be happy.”
A flicker of emotion passed across his face. Certainly not his usual amusement. Something more like defeat, but maybe I was reading too much into it. “OK,” he said.
I handed him my sketchbook. “Please be careful with it,” I said. “You can look these over. I’ll come get it later.”
He tossed the book onto the ratty sofa, sitting on the green carpet, in the dimly lit room. This place was awful. But it wasn’t going to be. It was going to be pure luxury. For Jack. And Georgia.
“That’s exactly what I meant when I said to be careful.”
Jack rolled his eyes.
I felt like we were working up to some sort of fight, but there was nothing to fight about, nothing to fight for. We were over, and I just needed to go. “I’ll come get these in a few days,” I said.
