“Oh, I sure hope so,” she replied. “Call me, Jack.”
It nearly broke my heart in two when he said, “Thanks, Georgia. I will.” It wasn’t great. But it was better than her decorating the house, which I think said something unflattering about me and my priorities.
As I crossed back into my yard, I thought again that this wouldn’t be so hard. Little did I know what these next few days held for me.
I WAS ANXIOUS TOget to the store the next morning. I had arranged for my two best friends, Sandra and Emily, to keep AJ and Taylor for two hours so I could get in there and grab all the fabric swatches, rug samples, and look books I might need for Jack’s house. When I had asked Sandra, she had said, “Honey, Em and I will be thrilled to watch those sweet boys. We would do absolutely anything to make sure you get to decorate Jack’s house.” Sandra and I had been close since we were children, so I knew what she wasn’t saying was that they would do anything to make sure Jack and I spent some good, long, quality months together.
Whatever it took to get her here was fine by me. But I didn’t want Sloane to know I was leaving her kids with sitters—even sitters who were practically family—so I needed her out the door. And fast. I went out to the guesthouse and called, “Caroline!” But I ran into James first.
He put his fist out. I bumped it with mine and laughed.
“It’s you and me, Ans.”
“It sure is,” I said, feeling a little conflicted about that. “In fact, could you do me a favor?”
“Anything,” he said, obviously, because he seriously needed to get back into my good graces.
“Could you please take AJ and Taylor out to breakfast?”
He went a little white. “All three of them?”
I slapped him on the back. “Oh, James. I know you can handle it. I’ll have Emily and Sandra pick them up from you. It’ll only be like half an hour.”
I had lain awake all night thinking about fabric and furniture, and I had to get moving on this right now.
“Caroline,” I called again. “I’m leaving.”
I heard her footsteps on the stairs. “But don’t you want to see us off?”
“Yes, darling.” I grinned at her. “I want to see you off very, very much.”
She opened her mouth in shock and swatted at me. “Mom! That is so rude! I can’t believe you want us gone!”
“Kiss your sisters for me. See you in a week.” As I opened the back door I yelled, “And call me!”
Just like that, I was out the door, the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. For two entire hours, I was going to be free.
ELEVEN
real living
sloane
November 16, 2009
Dear Sloane,
There is no substitute for the sea. I feel its absence when I’m away, tugging at me, even when I’m landlocked for months on end. I can feel the tide within my soul.
It’s the same with you, Sloane. I see it already. Like the sea, you are a part of me, a loss I would feel indefinitely, the rolling tide for which I would eternally search... We’re not supposed to admit it, but there’s this fear that runs through us all the time, this low level of dread. What if I don’t make it home? What if my mother has to fold the flag at my funeral? And then, even worse, what if my wife has to? It certainly comes to mind from time to time. I wouldn’t be human if it didn’t. Even still, I know in my heart that I will always return home to you.
All my love,
Adam
THEY SAY HEARTBREAK ISsoothed by the sea. Well, not they. Jimmy Buffett. It would have sounded more intellectual for me to quote Thoreau, maybe Shakespeare. Anyone, really. But it was Jimmy Buffett’s lyrics I thought of on that trip.
And Adam’s words in that letter that I remembered. I knew them as well as the sound of my own breath as it entered and left my body. How many times had I read those words? How many times had I handled his letters?
