Lucas’s shoulders squared. “Are you in trouble? I’m a shit fighter, but if you need backup?—”
“Can we talk?”
Lucas’s brows flew up. “Bruh, of course. Come around. I’ll unlock the door.”
It took Fallon walking around the whole food truck before he found the right door, and Lucas had it propped open by the timehe got to the steps. They were a little wobbly, which made him feel off-balance now that his own center of gravity was shifting, but he got inside without trouble.
The truck was more roomy than he expected it to be, and he eyed a little folding chair in the corner next to a giant box labeled “Doritos.” “Can I sit?”
“You can do whatever makes your heart happy,” Lucas said. “Do you want a drink?”
“No, thank you.” He felt a little queasy from walking so far in the cold. “I think I’m having a crisis about Gage, and I need your help.”
“Bruh.” Lucas leaned over and flipped something down off his counter, then pulled the rolling shade down to close up the shop. It was dark apart from a small light in the corner, but Fallon didn’t mind that so much. “You need to know that Gage and I don’t keep secrets from each other. We’ve only done that a couple of times, and it sucked.”
“This isn’t a secret. It’s about how he’s suffering.” Fallon’s fingers began to twist around each other, the stim soothing. He rocked a little as he stared at his fingertips. “I know what happened to him.”
Lucas blew out a puff of air. “Shit. Yeah. I figured he’d tell you.”
“It makes me angry. I…” He took a breath. “That’s why he was so angry that night, wasn’t it? With Charlie?”
“The night in the hall?” Lucas asked, then shrugged. “Yeah. He was really going through it back then. That was before he found out that kid wasn’t his though. Is he…well, fuck, dude. Is he struggling? He doesn’t talk to me a whole lot these days.”
Fallon felt immediately guilty. “That’s my fault.”
“That’s relationships,” Lucas pointed out. He leaned against the counter, head tipped down. “I think I was a shitty friend when your brother and I first started seeing each other. We werekeeping it quiet. I didn’t…I wasn’t there for Gage as much as I should have been. Especially with what he was going through. But he doesn’t blame me. He’s not angry about it.” Lucas lifted his head, frowning. “Is he?”
“I don’t think so. He doesn’t talk much about how it was for him.” Fallon let out a small sigh. “And he still seems so angry sometimes, even with all the help he’s been getting. I want to do something to help, but I don’t think I can make it better. I don’t think anyone can make that better. And I can’t change my circumstances, so…”
“Circumstances.”
Fallon touched his stomach before remembering Lucas couldn’t see that gesture. “I…um. The—the baby. I’m afraid that being around this is not helping him recover from his trauma.”
“Right.” Lucas bit his lip and swayed from side to side for a moment, then said, “Gage will do a lot of things to make a lot of people happy. He’s the set himself on fire to keep everyone else around him warm kind of person. Uh, and don’t use that phrase in front of his dad. Adele freaks out when people mention Gage and fire.”
Fallon’s brows furrowed. “I don’t understand.”
“Well, you know. The fire.”
Fallon didn’t know. His silence seemed to speak that, and Lucas swore under his breath.
“Right, so he was in the house with his stepdad when it almost burned down. He got pretty hurt. Adele thought they both—” Lucas’s voice cracked. “Weallthought they were both hurt for a while.”
There was so much about Gage Fallon didn’t know, and it was making him feel panicked. Gage was so much a part of his life, but he wasn’t part of Gage’s. “I haven’t met his parents.”
Lucas offered a soft smile. “That’s on purpose. They can be…a lot. I mean, I love them. I do. But I think he’s been worried about overwhelming you.”
“Are they transphobic?”
Lucas made a choking noise. “Oh my God, no? I mean…I don’t think so? I can’t imagine they would be.”
Fallon was a little afraid to let his guard down with new people. He’d run into so many who seemed like they would be cool until they learned that he was trans, and then it all went to hell. But Gage and Lucas didn’t seem like they’d come from a family who were unkind, so that helped.
A little.
“I think it’s more like…they tend to be really welcoming. Which is great. But they’re not always the best at reading cues when someone needs space. And they love kids, so I think they’ll be excited about…” He went quiet. “Sorry. I forgot I’m not supposed to mention the whole, uh. Thing.”
“It’s okay.” Fallon didn’t mind so much when it was Lucas. He understood how his mind worked. How he just stated facts simply because they were facts, and him growing a baby inside his body was exactly that. With Lucas, it didn’t feel like he was making a big deal out of it.
