“No.” Fallon was even more embarrassed now. “I was such a fucking moron. I knew talking to him was a bad idea. And drinking was an even worse idea. He wanted to say sorry, then he started talking about when we first met—when it was good. And he kissed me and…” Tears began to fall again, and he swiped them away roughly. He was not a crier. He never had been.
He hated that so much was changing.
“I felt so much regret afterward. I told him to leave and that I never wanted to see him again. Fenton told me he moved back to LA to be with his parents a few days later.”
At that, Gage seemed to relax, and Fallon realized that Gage wasn’t angry at him for sleeping with Charlie. He was angry at the thought that Charlie might have forced him. But he hadn’t. They were both drunk, and Fallon knew what was happening.
He just chose poorly.
“Three months,” Gage muttered. “Okay. So…” He stopped and shook his head. “Never mind. It’s none of my business.”
Fallon shrugged. “You can ask.”
“What do you want to do?”
Fallon had been avoiding touching his stomach. He was afraid to make it all seem real, and he wasn’t ready for that. But he did now. He pressed his palm down, and there was hardlyany difference to his body, but that would change. If he let it go on any longer, anyway.
“I don’t know. I know I don’t have forever to decide. I have a few more weeks to terminate if I want. And after that, I have a few months to figure out if I want to, you know. Keep them.”
Gage stared at him for a long beat, then flopped back. “Shit. I did not expect you to say that when I asked why you disappeared. I thought…fuck, I don’t know what I thought. That you got angry and cut Charlie’s dick off and were now facing charges and had to go on the lam?”
Fallon burst into laughter and covered his face. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“I don’t know, man. You beat the shit out of me with your dick, so?—”
“Oh my God, shut up! You broke into my apartment!”
Gage grinned at him. “I thought I was saving your stuff from an intruder.”
“And now you have a dick-induced black eye,” Fallon pointed out.
Gage slapped his hand over the bruising and winced. “If anyone finds out how this happened, I will never live it down. I don’t even want to know what the guys at the station would call me.” He sat up straight. “This stays in the fucking vault, man. If anyone asks, I got this falling out of a tree, trying to heroically rescue a kitten.”
Fallon nodded. “I’m not a fan of lying, but this is a worthy cause.”
Gage’s smile softened, and Fallon’s heart beat a little harder. “Thanks.” He took a breath. “So…”
“Can we keep this between us?” Fallon interrupted. “I know Lucas is your best friend, and lying to him is wrong, but I don’t think I can handle telling everyone until I know what I’m going to do.”
“Look, he’s not going to ask if my neighbor is knocked up.” He grimaced. “Sorry, is that insensitive? I know that has to be complicated, being that you’re a guy and all.”
Fallon shrugged. “I haven’t thought about it much. When I was a teenager, I joined this trans support group, and the couple that ran it were an AMAB nonbinary person and a trans man. They had four biological children, and they called their parents Nini and Dad. I…I never thought to ask how he avoided the probably massive dysphoria of carrying a child.”
Gage bit his lip. “Well, if I say anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, please tell me.”
Fallon nodded. “I will.”
And he meant it. In truth, he probably couldn’t stop himself if he tried. Words tended to just tumble out, and he only regretted them after. Which was also why he was glad Charlie was out of his life.
With a breath, he touched his stomach again and looked up at the ceiling. There was a crack in the drywall that ran from one end of the room to the other. He traced it three times with his gaze before looking back at Gage.
“If I decide to go through with the whole thing,” Fallon said after a beat, “I’ll tell everyone.”
“If you decide not to, I will go to your appointment with you,” Gage told him. “Okay? You don’t have to do this shit alone.”
Fallon blinked at him. “Why?”
“Why what?”
