But he was still Daddy, and there was still an overwhelming part of me that wanted to make him happy even if he was just getting ready to leave me forever. So, fine. I’d answer his question even though he didn’t answer mine.
“I’m asking because I… I want to know.”
I blushed. Okay, that hadn’t been much of an answer. But I was already too clingy, and I at least wanted him to leave with a good impression of me.
“Are you and Jules looking for something more long-term?” Daddy asked carefully, not calling me to task for my non-answer. “Have you discussed bringing in a third person to your relationship on a more permanent basis?”
My breath caught in my throat because that was exactly what I wanted. That was my actual dream. And my heart started to race, because I hadn’t actually asked for those things, but somehow, Daddy had known anyway.
And he hadn’t said “long term” or “permanent basis” like he thought I was being too clingy, he’d said them like they were something that would make him happy.
Except, he’d said me and Jules, which was my dream. Just not a dream I’d get to have.
I swallowed. “I’d like that,” I said honestly. “But maybe you might, um… you might be okay with just having me on my own? As a, um, as a long-term thing? Maybe?”
Tears threatened to spill over again, and I jerked my hands out of Daddy’s and yanked my glasses off, wiping at them furiously with one of the soft cloth napkins that had come with our fancy brunch.
That had been such a dumb thing to ask him. I’d all but stated that Jules and I weren’t really together. Not like that, anyway. And if Daddy decided he didn’t want me without Jules—or if he understandably might want just Jules—then how was I supposed to get through the rest of today without the hope of holding on to either of them?
Daddy frowned, took my glasses out of my hand, carefully settled them back on my face, and searched my eyes. “I already care about you a great deal, Isaac. I hope you know that,” he said gently.
Oh, God. He really was going to tell me it was over and that he wanted Jules instead.
I couldn’t blame him, of course, but I probably would have bolted from my chair just to avoid hearing him say those words if he hadn’t been holding onto my hands again and pinning me with an intense look that made it impossible for me to move.
Forget moving, I could barely breathe.
“Isaac?”
“Yes, Daddy,” I answered automatically. “I mean… yes. I know. That’s fine. I understand. I’d feel the same. Jules is… he’s everything.”
Daddy’s frown deepened. “He’s wonderful, but I would never want to come between the two of you, Isaac. That isn’t how I operate. I meant every word when I said I wanted both of you. Both sides of the same coin. Everything I’ve ever wanted in a boy, but never been able to find… because it isn’t one boy I needed, it’s two.”
Oh.
“You and Diva are both irresistible to me,” Daddy said, breaking my heart all over again, because he really was perfect, but he was still telling me I couldn’t have him, even if he didn’t realize it. “You’ve both also made it very clear that you’re a package deal,” he went on, “and that’s exactly what I want. I want both of you. And yes, I want it long term. I want it after this weekend. I want it, I want the two of you, for as long as you’ll both have me. I want to take care of you, little lamb, and I want to give your fabulous boyfriend everything he needs, as well.”
Who knew that getting everything you ever wanted could hurt just as badly as being told you couldn’t have any of it at all?
There was no way I could deliver what Daddy was asking for. It was impossible. Jules didn’t want that. He didn’t want a Daddy. He’d never stuck with any one man. He didn’t want me.
And Daddy didn’t want me without him.
“Isaac?” Daddy asked, his brows drawing together in concern.
I burst into tears. Big, sloppy, mortifying, right-there-in-public, ugly-cry tears.
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” I blubbered, looking ridiculous and feeling even worse as I imagined everyone else in the dining room turning and staring at me. “It’s all fake. Jules doesn’t love me—not like that, I mean. We were just… he was just trying to give me the courage I needed to go through with this whole thing by pretending to be my… my b-b-boyfriend for the weekend. He didn’t want me to feel out of place or awkward or stupid, but…” My free hand flapped in front of me, almost knocking the tea over before Daddy swooped in and saved it. “But here we are anyway,” I finished, my voice giving out so Daddy probably didn’t even hear the words over the pounding tempo of an old Spice Girls song. Just as well “I’ve made a mess of everything,” I said with a soft sigh, letting the tears just dribble down my face unchecked now, because did it even matter? “I’ve ruined this in spite of all the work Jules’ put in to make it nice for me. He… he had a plan.”
For me.
Because he loved me.
Because he always said he was selfish, but he never was. Not when it came to me.
“I ruined it,” I repeated, the whisper grating against my throat the way this whole morning had grated against my heart.
I stared down at my lap, not wanting to know if Daddy was angry about the way we’d fooled him. Or worse, not wanting to see it if he’d already left. Not that I’d blame him for not wanting to be seen with the… the spectacle I’d become.
