“What? No. I mean, I can afford it. The channel does good. I just fuck up banking all the time and miss bill payments and can’t… fine.Fuck, Andy. You know why Idothat fucking channel? Because it’s easier than a regular job, because I can barely fuckingread. You really want to be stuck with someone like that? I can’t read stupid kink checklists with you, can’t read all Paolo’s stupid notes, and I can’t even check your sisters’ chat thread like you want, because I’ve got this stupid dyslexia shit fucking up my brain and it takes me too fucking long to get the fuckinglettersto settle down.”
I tightened my hand on the back of his neck, a surge of anger rushing through me at his insensitive asshole of a roommate... and everyone else responsible for Jordan peppering that outburst with so many iterations of “stupid.”
“So… Paolo leaves you notes even though he knows you’re going to have trouble reading them?” I asked tightly.
Jordan blinked. “No, I mean, yeah, heiskind of a dick, but he doesn’t know I can’t read them.”
“Why not?”
Jordan threw up his hands, then cursed and shook them out when they hit the roof of the car. “Dude, becauseobviouslyI’m not going to go around telling people that shit. I make do okay with apps and whatnot, but it’s not like I need everyone else to know how fucked up I am. But that’s not even thepoint.”
It sounded like exactly the point, if that was really what he thought about himself.
“It’s a learning disability. There’s no shame in that, baby.”
“Uh,hello, did you miss the part about me not even being able to read your sisters’ chat thing?”
I crinkled my brow. “Jordan, obviously you could have, though. You navigate on your own phone all the time, and you just said there are apps you can use as a workaround, right?”
“Yeah, but what, I’m going to do that in front ofyou? Show you how I can’t do shit? I mean, fuck, I don’t even know how to do somethingbasic, like this Christmas thing with your family. My mom wasn’t interested enough to stick around for that kind of shit and Dad thought anything that involved me was a pain in the ass, so I have no fucking clue. I heard you talking to your Mom the other day aboutpajamas? What do pajamas have to do with Christmas? I don’t even know what that means. Nic’s parents used to invite me over for holidays and whatnot, but I knew better than to overstay with them since they always did a ton of shit for me that they didn’t even have to, like getting me in gymnastics and cheer and a bunch of other shit with her, so I never—”
“Jordan,” I said sharply, cutting him off before he could get himself even more worked up. “Stop.”
His mouth snapped closed and he stared at me.
“Thank you for finally telling me what’s been making you so anxious.” I laced our fingers together and squeezed his hand. “I’m your Daddy, and I always want to know when something’s worrying you, so I can take care of it.”
“Dude, youstillwant to be my Daddy? Pretty sure you weren’t listening. I—”
I grinned, and he shut up again. “I’d thinkyouweren’t listening, sweetheart, dropping another ‘dude’ and questioning me about what I want when I’ve already told you that you’re it for me? But don’t worry, baby. We both know youhavebeen listening, so I get that it’s just your way of making sure I don’t forget to give you what you really need.”
He started fiddling with one of his earrings. “What do I need?”
I was still holding his other hand, and I brought it up to my mouth and pressed a kiss on it. “You need the kind of reassurance that will have to wait until we get to that room above the garage, baby, because there really isn’t enough space to give it to you here in the car.”
The corner of his lip tilted up just enough to make my heart swell. “You know that sounds hella dirty, right,Daddy?”
I winked. “It should.”
“But your family—”
“Can wait their turn to meet you.”
“I thought you said—”
“I love you, petal,” I said, which shut him up yet again.
His eyes went so wide that it almost looked comical, but I wasn’t taking it back.
“You’re the one I want, have always wanted, andwillalways want, Jordan, and nothing you tell me is going to change that. Sharing the things you’ve been struggling with isn’t going to drive me away, it only makes me want to be there for you even more.”
He swallowed. “Uh, but you don’t actuallylove—”
“Yes, baby, I do,” I said, cutting him off before he could finish that sentence.
Too much? Too soon? Pretty sure that ship had already sailed for me.
I’d read that BDSM relationships could often feel more intense and progress faster than “vanilla” ones, and even if I was still feeling my way through the Daddy part of our dynamic, I could already tell it was true. Loving Jordan was more than just that, though... I justknew. I’d always known, with him.
