It had been almost a week since Tyson had started paying so much attention to me and… anddoingthings with me, and so far, he hadn’t brought anyone else home or seemed bored with me yet. It made me feel kind of giddy, and it had taken a lot of effort to stay focused on my studies the way I needed to. All Iwantedto do was be with him when he had time for me, or think of things I could do for him when he was away at class or at the gym or out with his friends.
Well, he hadn’t been going out with his friends much like he usually did, actually.
I had no idea how long the miracle of having caught his eye would last and I didn’t want to waste a second of it… which is maybe why I’d forgotten to call my parents the way they required me to do every week. For the first time in my life, doing what they expected of me honestly hadn’t even crossed my mind. Usually, they werealwaysin the back of my mind. Well, not them as like, people, but just a constant awareness of how much of a disappointment I’d always been to them and an ever-present hum of anxiety. It kept me alert, I guess. Helped me stay focused on always trying to do better so I could make them happy. So… so that wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, was it? I hoped not, because it was always there, the nerves and anxiety and… and the dark, heavy cloud that hung over me whenever I thought too hard about how much I’d always let them down.
Except for this past week.
This past week, none of that had been there at all.
Of course, the minute my mother’s name flashed on the screen of my phone, it all came crashing back down around me like a thousand-pound weight. I swallowed hard, staring at my phone as it vibrated on the counter like it was a poisonous snake. My hands were a little wet and messy since I’d been right in the middle of making a stir fry that I was hoping Tyson would like when he got home later. I’d found the recipe on one of the healthy-eating blogs I’d started following back when I’d realized that he always ate super healthy for his sports stuff, but I was kind of nervous about whether he’d want any or not, because it had shrimp in it and I couldn’t remember if he’d ever said whether or not he liked them.
For just a second, I had the shameful impulse to ignore my mother’s call. I knew that would only get me in trouble, though, so I quickly rinsed and dried my hands and managed to catch it before she hung up.
“Hello?” I said, putting it on speaker so I could keep making Tyson’s dinner while she talked. I mean, it was supposed to be dinner forbothof us, but I was pretty sure by the way my stomach was already twisting into a knot that I wouldn’t be up to eating for a while.
“Sean,” Mother said, the hard snap of her voice cracking out of the speaker and making me cringe even though she was three thousand miles away. “Is there something you’re attempting to hide from your father and me?”
I clutched the edge of the counter, feeling faint for a second, but then realized that of course she couldn’t know that I’d given in to what she called my “deviant impulses” with Tyson. But if not that, I honestly wasn’t sure what she meant about hiding anything. I didn’tdoanything else except school stuff.
“Um, no?” I managed, swallowing hard as I stared blindly down at the pile of vegetables I’d been chopping before she called. “W-W-Why would I hide anything, Mother?”
She made a disapproving noise, but I had no idea if that was because she hated how I stuttered when I got nervous or because of whatever else she was fishing for.
“I have always wondered that myself, Sean,” she finally said. “But what else are we supposed to think when you fail to report your academic progress as agreed upon?”
Oh. It was because I’d forgotten to call.
“I’m sorry,” I said, blinking fast when my eyes started to sting. It always felt awful to know I’d let them down… even though it was basically all I ever seemed to do. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Excuses don’t correct errors,” Mother cut in, repeating something I’d heard enough times to have known by heart already. “It’s been nine days since we last heard from you. Explain.”
I reached for the knife, wanting to be sure I had everything ready when Tyson got back.Ifhe came back. Every day, I half-expected him to stay out with his friends for the evening or tell me he was busy or… or just not tell me anything and get back to his normal life. I was braced for it, or at least I hoped I was, but so far, every time I’d been home from classes, he’d come home, too.
I swallowed, really hoping he would again tonight, too. Not that I could expect him to want to hang out with me if I got all mopey and down about disappointing my parents again, of course, but if hedidcome home, I could probably make myself forget about this phone call anyway. It was always easier to focus on nicer things when he was around.
I kind of wished he wasalwaysaround.
Was that selfish?
Probably.
“Did you fail a test?” Mother was asking, not really giving me time to answer as she launched right into rattling off a whole bunch of guesses about how I might have messed up since the last time we’d spoken. “Have your professors been dissatisfied with your performance, Sean? Did you produce unsatisfactory lab results? Have you blemished your attendance record? I hope you haven’t distracted yourself with extracurricular activities. Do I need to remind you that you’re there foracademics?”
“No, Mother,” I whispered, nicking the tip of my finger with the knife. I flinched at the sudden, stinging pain, then quickly stuck it in my mouth so it wouldn’t bleed all over the vegetables. I looked them over to make sure that hadn’t already happened, but they looked okay.
But maybe I should still rinse them again anyway?
“Please tell me you haven’t done anything to disappoint your father and me, Sean,” Mother said as I took the cutting board to the sink real quick. Kind of awkward to rinse them all again one-handed, but I managed.
“I hope not,” I answered Mother as I went back to the sink a second time to run my finger under the cold water. That was probably a silly thing to say, though, because didn’t I always? I cleared my throat. “I’ve… I’ve been trying to do my best here.”
Ialwaystried to do my best. And even as distracted as I’d been this past week with Tyson, my professors had still all had really nice things to say to me about my work. In fact, everyone here at the college was super nice. Somehow I’d lucked into taking the right classes or something, because everyone always seemed really happy with everything I did.
I kind of loved college.
“What’s that noise?” Mother asked sharply. “I can’t hear you well. I’d appreciate having your attention when I take time to call, Sean.”
I turned off the water, wrapping a paper towel around my finger tightly to try to slow the bleeding. “Sorry, Mother.”
