“It’s not the greatest feeling in the world to find out that the guy you’ve jerked off too on more than one occasion, which is embarrassing enough on its own to admit, isn’t even into guys. Let alone realizing that even if he did, there’s no guarantee that he would be into an Orb like me.”
A wave of mismatched emotions hit me as I absorbed his words. The first, and probably the most confusing out of all of them, was the mention that he’d jerked off thinking about me before. I wasn’t repulsed or disgusted, I wasproud. Why the fuck was I bursting like a supernova on the inside at that thought? Secondly, I felt really bad for the guy, thinking about how I would feel if I’d had a crush on a stripper only to find out they weren’t into me. The fantasy would be kinda ruined, so I could see where he was coming from. Lastly, I hated that he felt disparaged about himself because a human couldn’t possibly find an Orb attractive. Granted, I’d never thought about it muchbefore, but Bas dating Kroven had really opened my eyes. Seeing them together proved that dating an Orb was just like dating a human.
Rolling my shoulders with a sigh, I put up a hand. “Qwill, I’m sorry that I shattered the moment for you. Really, I am. If you sit down, we can pretend I didn’t say anything and I can finish dancing for you. I’m open to that if you are.”
“No, I should go.” Qwill nodded, giving me a small smile. “That’s sweet of you though. Especially after I just admitted that I’ve fuckingjerked offthinking about you,” He ran a hand through his river of brown hair. “Fucking great work, Qwill.”
“Hey, that’s the ultimate compliment to me.” I laughed, placing a hand on my chest. “I’m honored.”
“Yeah, well.” He sputtered, still covering his crotch like I hadn’t already seen how gifted the dude was below the belt after writhing all over his lap. “Thank you for being so cool about this. Here.” He reached into the back of his shorts and pulled out his wallet, prying open a twenty dollar bill, offering it to me until I realized that it wasthreetwenty dollar bills.
“I can’t accept that much for a tip,” I shook my head. “That’s way too much.”
“Please,” Qwill pleaded, shaking the bills between us like a white flag of surrender. “It’ll make me feel like less of a loser for acting like a lovestruck teenager. Please, take it.”
Scoffing with a slight smirk, I took the cash and pinned it inside my shorts, right at the waistband. Qwill’s eyes followed the action, the darkening of his scales returning in a flush.
“Thank you, for the dance, Connor.” He pulled the curtain back to begin his departure, but he hung back, letting his hand fall from the velvet so he could look back at me. “Actually, can I ask something of you?”
“Sure.” I nodded. The dude had gotten pretty personal on me, so I didn’t mind. Honestly, I just felt really bad that I’d ruined his night.
“Can you tell me your real name?”
On instinct, I automatically responded with, “My name is Connor.”
“I know it’s not,” he chuckled. “I know places like this protect their performers by giving them a stage name.” Damn him and his sharp wit, yet again. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but I’d really like to attach a real name to the guy I’ve…to end that fantasy for good.”
My eyes turning to twin marbles of macabre, I thought about his request. If I gave him my real name, I was definitely breaking club policy. No one but the other performers were allowed to know our real names, for our own safety. Qwill seemed harmless, and while working at this job I’d learned to not believe everything that you saw, I truly didn’t believe in the depths of my heart that Qwill wanted my name for nefarious purposes.
Smiling, I gave him a final nod. “Thayer. That’s my real name.”
“Thayer.” He purred, closing his eyes to lock it into his memory. When he opened them back to give me a farewell gaze, he smiled. “Have a goodnight, Thayer.”
“It was nice to meet you, Qwill.”
Pulling apart the curtain again, Qwill left without another glance back at me, inwardly chastising myself that I sort of wished he had. I stood there in the private suite wondering what the fuck was wrong with me, and what the fuck I was going to do about all the upended turmoil wishing to squash my life.
Chapter 3
Midnight chimedaround me as I made my way inside my apartment that night. Evangeline had let me leave after the ensemble performance that we usually closed the main show with, not making me stay to help dance with the stragglers or clean up per usual. She cited my private dance as enabling me to get off work early, deciding to take the win and head home despite the private dance with Qwill still working my brain over like a hamburger patty on a grill.
As I walked to my bathroom on autopilot and started the shower, I couldn’t escape my thoughts from going back to the private suite. Dancing for Qwill had been confusing, to say the least. I felt a cacophony of weird emotions about how everything had gone down. Pride, guilt, frustration. Pride over the fact that Qwill had been lusting after me for more than just tonight, guilt over ruining his fantasy by telling him that I was straight, frustration over him ending the session after shattering his illusions.
Why was I frustrated though? I’d still gotten paid, still gotten tipped in excess by his generosity and need to leave the session early. That should’ve been a win-win for both of us. So why wasI stuck feeling like I’d just been on a date and the gorgeous specimen I’d been expecting to break bread with had just shown up only to cancel on me?
As the water sprayed over my body, I tried to let the thoughts wash down the drain. Whatever was going on with me, it was obvious to me that I was all out of sorts because of all the change happening in my life. While I grabbed my body wash and lathered my loofah, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to take control back over my life instead of letting all this change alter my sense of stability. And all of that started with talking it out with Troian.
I loved my brother. We’d been inseparable before our parents had died in a fate-changing car accident. But in the years since their death, we’d grown more and more apart, mostly because of my twin’s decision to numb the sorrow in his life with any mind-altering substance he could claw his fingers into. Drugs and alcohol were how he chose to deal with what happened. Sometimes, I wondered about letting go as he did and letting something take away the pain. The only thing that had stopped me from joining him was knowing that problems would still be there when I sobered up.
Why Troian had never seen it that way, I didn’t have the answer. I guess that’s why I gave him so much leeway, trying to get him to see that using wasn’t going to make him better in the end. After a few years of struggling, I’d cut him off entirely when he’d pretended to be me. He’d gone to my bank, since we wore the same face, and siphoned the life insurance money I had left from our parents death. His share was gone to his limitless substance abuse, so naturally, he’d figured ‘Hey, let me take Thayer’s share’. After that, I’d been done, cutting him out of my life entirely. Telling him that if he stayed in Piper, I’d go to the police and get him tossed behind bars for what he’d done. Luckily, the guy he’d been with that had convinced him to steal my money, had plans for them to leave town anyway.
I hadn’t heard from Troian since, not until he’d shown up right as Bas was ushered to the hospital following the riots on the blood centers. He’d given me space afterwards, which I was eternally grateful for. But ever since Bas had told me he was moving in with Kroven, Troian was on the warpath to explain everything to me. And now that I’d texted him last night and said I was ready to talk about everything, the time for me to cower at the idea of listening was over. I had to follow it through for my own good and just hope I could at least find some closure at the end.
Following my shower, I’d crashed on my bed without a concern to the outside world, gratitude washing over me as sleep claimed me.
The sound of loud knocking against my bedroom door caused me to sit up abruptly in bed, fear pulsing through my veins at the sudden intrusion. I took a quick glance at my phone, seeing multiple unread messages from Bas as well as a couple missed calls from him. Of course, I’d also missed a message from my brother, but that could wait until I figured out why someone was attempting to beat my door down.
Unlocking my bedroom door, I tensed until I realized that the intruder was Bas himself, giving me a wide smile. Rolling my eyes, I left the door open and prodded my tired body back to bed. It wasn’t until I was pulling my comforter back over my body, covering my eyes and groaning, that I heard Bas stepping inside.
