“Maybe answer my question before giving me one to answer?”
“Thayer, I’ve always been gay.” Troian stirred his eggs before letting his fork fall, giving up on the sustenance the free breakfast had to offer. “I’ve always sort of known. I didn’t know for sure until I was in middle school, I guess. I’ve just sort of always known.” He paused to reach out and lay his hand over mine, making me look deeply into the eyes we shared. “But that doesn’t mean you’re gay.”
“Then what the hell am I?”
“That’s for you to find out,” Troian smiled. “Maybe just…explore this thing with the Orb—”
“Qwill.”
“Right, Qwill.” Troian grinned again. “Explore whatever’s going on between you two, if that’s what you want, and don’t overthink what it does or doesn’t make you.”
“I do want to explore it because I can’t get him out of myfucking head,” I said, looking down at my hands in frustration. “I can’t sleep without his stupid cute face popping up. I can’t work without wishing he was in the audience, watching me. I can’t even jerk off without his scaled skin coming into view and—”
“Okay, I get it.” My brother laughed, taking a quick swig of his water, having given up of the inadequate coffee, before giving me a knowing stare. “Just see where it goes, Thayer. And if you end up wanting to get more serious with Qwill, then you can have the existential crisis that you seem bound and determined to have.”
“Hey, I don’twantto have my entire identity torn apart and reconstructed, for the record. But how am I supposed to know who I am when something like this is changing within me?”
“It only has to be completely life changing if you want it to.” Troian said with a softer approach than he’d been speaking beforehand. “For all you know, this could be the only guy, the only Orb, you’ll ever be attracted to. So I say just go with it and see what happens.”
I kind of hated to hear how right he was. I’d been contemplating the same thing anyway, whether or not I was Qwill-sexual or if I truly was changing into someone I didn’t quite recognize. But in then end, it didn’t matter. I wanted to kiss Qwill again. Maybe even do more with him…if I could wrap my head around what all that would entail.
Maybe I didn’t need to harp on this as much as I was. Qwill’s hot. I’m hot. We could make heat together, as simple as that. My mind started drifting to that day back at the marsh, when the water had been glistening off Qwill’s beautiful scaled abs and pecs. Feeling my dick stir in my pants, I brushed the memory away. I really didn’t need to have a hard-on in front of my brother. Least of all in front of this disappointing as fuck breakfast.
“Maybe you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right, I’m older than you.” Troian crossed his arms with a smile, gesturing to the food on our table. “I’m sorry this breakfast sucks. Let’s hit that breakfast place down near your apartment instead.”
“Great idea, because yeah, this hotel breakfast is not hitting.” I laughed, standing up with my twin as we fractured our trash into the appropriate bins and started walking through the lobby of the hotel. “Can I ask one more gay related question?”
Troian’s eyes caught mine with squinted scrutiny, but as we exited through the automatic doors of the hotel, he sighed. “Go ahead.”
“How do you know if you want to top or if you want to bottom?”
Bursting into laughter, Troian playfully shoved me, making me laugh in tandem as we kept walking down the sidewalk, the crisp morning air chilling my skin.
“Let me have some halfway decent coffee and food, and I promise I’ll explain the intricacies of homosexual intercourse to your heart’s desire.”
Laughing with him, I shook my head, still astonished that this was what I was wanting to talk about now. Moreover that I was talking about this with my estranged brother, who was now firmly planted back in my life, just like I’d always dreamed of.
“Deal.”
Chapter 9
My mind swamthe minute my alarm screeched to wake me for work the next morning. After my talk with Troian, my head had been thrust into overtime thinking about what I wanted my next steps to be with Qwill. It'd been long enough since that day we’d swapped spit at my place of employment and I wanted to figure out what was going on. We’d exchanged numbers now, so I was free to contact him whenever I felt the pull. And now that I’d come to terms with what was brewing between us, the pull to be back in his presence was overwhelming multiple areas of my body.
Even though it was equal parts informative and cringe, thanks to my brother's crash course in regards to male on male sex, I now knew a little bit more than I had previously. Not that I ever found sex all that hard to understand or participate in, but if I was going to explore that sort of thing with Qwill, I wanted to be armed with as much knowledge as possible.
While I showered, I thought about the fact that I clearly was mentally preparing to have sex with Qwill. There, of course, was this nagging voice in the back of my brain that was telling me that there was a chance Qwill didn't want to have sex withme. But judging by our past interactions, I had a fairly good idea that that wasn't the case. Just the simple fact that I was even up for the challenge of having sex with another guy was finally setting into my bones, no longer finding it such a far off possibility.
More than that, Iwantedto have sex with Qwill. I was insanely, irrevocably attracted to him and I wanted to supplement that in a physical way. All I needed to do now was take the plunge, propose it to Qwill, and go for the gold.
So by the time I’d dried off from the shower, my towel wrapped around my waist and my too eager fingers reaching for my phone on the bathroom counter, I made haste as I found Qwill’s contact information from our last encounter and pressed the call button before I had a chance to chicken out.
Nerves danced around in my stomach, chasing themselves like a bundle of terrified ouroboros determined to defeat the feeling thrashing against the confines of my empty stomach. Luckily, Qwill answered on the third ring and put me and my nerves out of our collective misery.
“Hello?”
“Qwill, hi.” I managed to add a cheeky laugh, demonstrating my butterflies to him. “It’s Thayer.”
