I eliminated the short walk over to shut the door, hiding the giddy smile I wore before erasing it from my features and squaring my eyes back on the man I’d spent the past eight years with.
“What thefuck, Matty? What makes you think you can come over here unannounced and then jump to judging what I’m doing? In case you’ve forgotten, we’redivorced. You don’t get to walk all over me anymore just because you fucking feel like it.”
Hurt reflected in his eyes, but he kept his face from showing the same affliction to my words. He shifted from leaning on one foot to the other.
“I never walked all over you, Wallace.”
My head fell back, staring at the ceiling in a silent plea to theuniverse to let me keep my cool. After a long sigh, I said, “What do you want?”
“Well, I wanted to talk about the other day.” Matty said nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just incited a massive argument, or at the very least the beginnings of one. “I know you saw me on a date.”
“That’s what this is about?”
I placed my hand on my hips, dumbfounded that he’d come over to my place just to talk about his latest conquest. I wasn’t judging him for being on a date, especially after what Wrex and I had done, plus that little encounter with the bartender at the karaoke bar. But why the fuck was he here to discuss that of all things?”
Matty sighed. “I was…I guess I was hoping that if you found out about it you’d have some sort of reaction. But I guess I got lucky, because you actually happened upon us.”
“I don’t have to gauge my reactions for your entertainment.” This was a problem we’d had during our marriage. He’d say things to get a rise or certain emotion out of me and it had left me feeling like I could never say or do anything without upsetting him. “Sorry to disappoint you, per usual.”
“Believe it or not, I didn’t come here to fight, Wallace.” He scoffed with attitude.
“Then cut to the point.”
Matty uncrossed his arms, letting them fall aimlessly down by his sides. As annoyed with him as I was over this abrupt morning visit, I couldn’t fully hate him. I never could. I just wanted to understand how the hell we could move forward without him making a habit out of showing up at my doorstep.
“I thought…that if you’d see me on a date or heard about me moving on so fast after the divorce was finalized that you’d…come running back.” Matty’s eyes wobbled as he turned away from me to wipe his face. When he looked back at me, his eyes were as clear as they could be without unleashing all his emotions over his words. “Like maybe you’d get jealous or realize that we made a mistake but…I see now that we’re really, officially, finished and we need to move on. Or rather, I need to find a way to move on.”
Sudden waves of sympathy poured over me, and guilt charted a treacherous course through my veins. As much turmoil as our relationship had held toward the end, I still cared about him as a person. I only wanted the best for both of us. I’d just been the first to realize that what was best for both of us was to no longer be together.
“Matty, I—”
“It’s okay, Wallace.” He sniffled, dragging the sleeve of his jacket underneath his nose. “I know I…wasn’t innocent in the downfall of our marriage. I know I didn’t listen to you, I just convinced myself that you were wrong. Because it was too painful to admit that I’d also played a part.” He paused to cleared his throat. “I’m moving back to Paramount.”
To say I was a little surprised would have been correct. While I knew that Matty’s mother still lived in New York, I never expected for him to move out of D.C. after we’d split. Then again, I think it made sense in a way. Both of us could properly heal if we didn’t have the looming threat of running into each other all the time.
“I think that’d be good for you,” When I nodded, I added, “Maybe for both of us.”
“Yeah.” Matty tried to smile, but his emotions were now fully on display and there was no hiding it. “I’m packing this weekend and I’ll be gone by Monday morning.”
I nodded. I didn’t feel right about him leaving without a proper goodbye. So, despite the feelings of resentment and anger that seemed to follow us around when we were interacting with each other, I ambled over to him and pulled him into an innocent hug. His arms fell around me in an instant.
“I’m sorry again, Matty. I hope you find happiness again back in Paramount.”
“Thanks.” He squeezed me hard in return. “I’m sorry too. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too.” And I found myself really meaning the words. Matty had been part of my life for most of the past decade. It was hard to shake that kind of time together, and there was a part of me that didn’t want to. But we both needed this. We needed to relearn who we were and what we wanted.
Thoughts of Wrex swirled in my brain. As much as I enjoyed last night, this interaction with Matty just solidified that I wasn’t ready for anything serious anytime soon. Knowing that Wrex wasn’t expecting as such from what we’d done last night set me at ease, but I really did need time alone to sit with the demise of my marriage.
We parted, and I clasped a hand on Matty’s shoulder. “Goodbye, Matty. For real this time.”
He gave me a minuscule smile, one that said more than his words ever could over how heartbreaking this was for him. Or I was just that good at reading him after all these years.
“Goodbye, Wallace.”
Without another word or gesture, Matty walked over to the door, opening it wide and closing it behind him without looking back at me.
And this time, it really did feel like goodbye. For good.
