“Me sleeping with the admiral’s daughter? Yeah, it didn’t go down well.”
“Shit, are you in trouble?”
I shrug. “Honestly it could’ve been worse. I’ll miss out on shore leave and I’m positive I’ll have to face your father.”
“Jesus Christ,” she grumbles.
“And…”
“And?”
“We have to stay away from each other. I’m no longer your guide. The captain made her stance on us very clear. I can’t defy her orders, Cleo.”
“So what, that’s it?”
A lump forms in my throat. “Until we get back to shore and you no longer fall under the Royal Navy’s care.”
“That’s not so bad, right? I mean, we’re only a few days from docking.”
I don’t think she fully grasps what we’re up against. Not only will I have to face her father when we get back, I’ll be on a seven-month deployment without the chance to see her before we ship out. What chance do we have?
32
Cleo
I’m angry. River hasbeen avoiding me since she told me about her trip to see the captain. I know she has orders and I accept that. What I don’t accept is the limbo she’s left us in.
We didn’t even get to finish our conversation…well, not really. River told me what happened, and that she had to stay away from me for the rest of the deployment. The only thing I was able to get in before she left my cabin was that we’d be on dry land soon, so it wasn’t so bad. A few days away from each other and we’d be able to figure it out. River didn’t say anything, instead she gave me a pained smile, kissed me on the cheek and said goodbye.
I keep on playing the scene over and over again in my head. Even now, when I should be watching the impressiveability of Captain Morley guiding the ship into port, my mind is elsewhere.
I didn’t visit the captain after River left. I figured it best to wait until we’re dockside and I can speak to her and my father at the same time. River shouldn’t bear all the blame. I was equally culpable. There is also the matter of Benson. Morley is now aware of his and Grey’s transgressions, but I don’t think she’s aware of the depth of his wrongdoings.
After River left me in my cabin I spent a few hours scrolling through every emotion imaginable. Eventually, though, I pulled myself out of the fog and refocused. There was nothing I could do about my and River’s situation, but I could still help her case by gathering more evidence against Benson.
Shifting my energy into something positive has always been the way I’ve dealt with difficult situations at work, and this was no different. Lieutenant Pierce accepted my request to interview him a second time, and I wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily this time around.
He was a little confused at first when I jumped straight into probing questions about Benson and his buddy, Officer Hardman. I could see he didn’t want to answer, but I was relentless. I divulged Benson’sinappropriate relationship with Grey, which was risky, but necessary. I needed Pierce to see he wasn’t alone. And it worked! Better than I could’ve imagined.
Pierce was able to recount numerous times Benson and Hardman had shot bigoted comments his way, always covering them up as playful banter between colleagues. It was hard to listen to him, but I had to get it down. Pierce went even further and gave me a pocket notebook filled with instances he’d witnessed Benson and Hardman acting in a way unbecoming of members of the Royal Navy.
I had to ask him why he’d never come forward. Benson and Hardman had been getting away with despicable behaviour for far too long. I couldn’t understand how Pierce stood by and let it happen. He told me he felt he was in an impossible situation. The culture of the ship was a delicate balance. He said he didn’t feel confident the crew would’ve understood him reporting a fellow officer and crewmember.
I sort of understood. I’d witnessed the culture myself, and he was right. Itisa delicate balance. I understand how one small thing could have a much bigger effect on the crew as a whole. The ship only runs so well because the crew, including the officers, are working seamlessly. I could imagine things turning toxic fast if allowed.
And yet…people are being bullied, discriminated against, and they have no escape. They were, and are, stuck on board the ship with their tormentors. Yes, the Queen Elizabeth is akin to a floating city, but we all know how small the world is when we want to avoid someone.
River is stuck with them for seven months. Seven months of dealing with Benson’s bigotry, of watching Hardman’s “playful banter,” of knowing that speaking up could destroy her career.
That’s why I have to do this. That’s why this evidence matters. River deserves better. They all deserve better.
So with Pierce’s testimony, his notebook and a promise he’d back up my findings to the brass, I spent two days huddled in my cabin writing up my findings, ready for the meeting I intended on calling the second my feet stepped on dry land.
“Ms Carter?”
My eyes snap from staring at nothing to Kit, who is standing by my side. I can’t help but look around for River, but of course she isn’t here.
“Kitman,” I say with a steady voice. Her eyes soften in sympathy.
