“I was going to do some laundry today, but it looks like the bunk fairy already sorted it out.” Kit smiles while looking at me.
Shrugging, I wave her off. “I’ve got some making up to do to you guys.”
“River, come on,” Cheddar begins.
“No, I do. You three have been the best friends I could ever have asked for, and we all know you’ve had to go aboveand beyond to save my arse from myself numerous times. I’m sorry about that, by the way.”
“Jesus, River.” Boot laughs. “Mushy much?”
Boot gets a pair of balled-up socks to the face.
24
Cleo
I’ve spent the daywriting up both the interview with Tasha Alcott and Lieutenant Pierce. Both exceptional people in their fields. Lieutenant Pierce didn’t give me exactly what I wanted regarding my suspicions of Benton’s behaviour, however, I’m well versed enough in body language and micro-expressions to have caught the underlying tension when I brought the Warrant Officer into the conversation.
I’m experienced enough now to know when to back off a subject, and that’s what I did with the good lieutenant. It wasn’t a bust though, because I had an amazing time shadowing him yesterday afternoon and got a great interview out of it.
Now I have a stack of interviews ready to be incorporated into the article, I can relax a little. I willhave time to investigate Benton and his pal, Lieutenant Hardman.
But before all of that, I’ve got a second date to attend. River told me to dress warmly, so I’m confident we will be on the flight deck. I like how her mind works regarding our dates. She’s taking the classics, such as a romantic dinner and walk around a park, and adapting them for life on board. It’s very sweet, and very welcome. I’m having fun with her…more than I thought, to be honest. Once again, my inner critic was waiting for River’s mask to slip and watch her become the sailor I met in the bar.
I’m a little ashamed of myself. Has my past scarred me so badly I can’t see the good in someone? Even when they show me over and over how hard they’re trying? Maybe we’ll need another pause before the date tonight. River asked me to communicate with her…but then again, I don’t want to keep telling her I don’t trust her motives. That’s just shitty, and in retrospect, nothing to do with her…it’s about me and my baggage.
I blow a raspberry into the room in frustration. Being here is forcing me to face things, just like I suspect our situation is forcing River to do the same.
River, River, River. I want to dare myself to believe she won’t hurt me, because I like her…I really like her.
Standing from my small desk, I head over to my equally small wash basin and stand holding it as I look into the mirror above.
It’s time to have a word with myself.
Sucking in a deep breath, I let it out slowly, all the time looking myself square in the eye.
“River is not your ex. She is not your father, and you,” I say, punctuating my words with my index finger jabbing at the glass, “are not the same person. You are not a child, Cleo Carter, so stop acting like it. River is here, and she’s doing far more to prove herself than you are.”
River comes from a home full of mistrust, anger, and bitterness. She deserves to have someone treat her the way she deserves. Someoneshecan trust not to let her down. I don’t know why it’s taken me this long to pull my head out of my arse, but I’ve finally done it. I’m wiping my history slate clean. It’s time to write something new. Whatever happens after our voyage is over is something I can’t predict or control, just like River said. It’s about time I started living in the now, with her.
Putting on my nice jeans, which I know make my arse look fabulous, I pull on a shirt and thread my arms through my peacoat. I’ve got about five minutes before River will be here to pick me up. I smile at the thought, because eventhough we’re in the belly of a steel beast, the idea of her collecting me almost makes me believe we are back on shore, and she’s about to turn up on my doorstep with flowers or something equally sweet.
Shaking my head, I run my hands through my hair to give it a little more body. Not that it needs it, but I kind of like the windswept look.
Subtle makeup has my eyes popping and my lips shining. Hopefully River will kiss my lip gloss off. A thrill runs the length of my body as I get lost in the memory of her lips.
Two sharp knocks bring my attention back to the room. Smoothing down my clothes, I answer the door and have to bite my cheek. I’ve seen River and hundreds of other sailors in their work uniform a hundred times, but goodness, she takes my breath away every time. Now, though, it’s not just lust I feel, but something softer and warmer.
“Hi,” she says through a giant smile. “Can I come in a second?”
Nodding, I step aside and let her pass. She smells of fabric conditioner and hairspray.
“You look beautiful,” she says to me as soon as the door is closed, and fuck, it takes all my strength not to haulher to the bed. I want to ruffle her immaculate hair with my fingers. I want to pop every button of her blue work shirt open…slowly.
“Cleo.” She chuckles.
Clearing my throat, I smile and blush. “Thank you…you look…edible.” Whoops, I didn’t mean to say that part out loud.
River is full-on glowing at me now with a twinkle in her eyes. “Thank you.”
