My chest tightens. “River—”
“I know how this sounds,” she cuts me off, running a hand through her hair. “I know I sound like every player who’s ever fed you a line. But this isn’t about my ego. Or it’s not just about that.” She stops pacing and looks at me. Really looks at me. “I’ve never felt like this before. Like I can’t breathe properly when you’re around. Like something’s missing when you’re not. It scares the shit out of me, Cleo.”
My breath catches. This isn’t the cocky River from the bar. This is real.
“So what are you asking for?” My voice comes out quieter than I intended.
“A chance. To figure out what this is. I don’t know how to date someone. I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it. But I want to try. With you.”
“River. You. Don’t. Want. A relationship!” I all but shout. Reining in my frustration, I stand and face her. “You aren’t just suddenly going to change who you are, and I don’t want you to. Equally, I promised myself no more sailors, and I made that promise before we slept together. This isn’t just about you!”
She steps towards me. “Tell me. Let’s get it all out on the table.”
“I got my heart broken by a sailor. She was just like you. Didn’t want commitment until we met, and then she was all-in. The problem was, she was in all her crewmate’s knickers too. I don’t want to be with a player, and River, you are a self-proclaimed player.”
River’s quiet for a long moment. “I don’t want to be her. The woman who hurt you. I don’t want to be that person.”
“Then don’t be.”
“I don’t know if I know how not to be,” she admits, and the vulnerability in her voice catches me off guard. “But I want to try. That has to count for something, right?”
Her shoulders sag and she scrunches her eyes shut. “Shit. Fuck, I’m the worst. Like the literal worst. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
There’s the River who has no self-esteem. I’d usually think she was full of shit and it was a part of an act, but it’s not. I’ve seen glimpses of this River over the past few days.
“River, you’re not the worst. Misguided, yes. But not the worst.”
“I’m sorry, Cleo. I feel like I’m going nuts.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you either.” The words are out before I can stop them.
River’s head snaps up, eyes wide.
“I should say no,” I continue. “Every logical part of me is screaming to say no. You’re a self-proclaimed player. I swore off sailors. This could blow up in both our faces.” I take a breath. “But the truth is, I’m tired of always playing it safe and ending up alone anyway. And whatever this is between us…I want to find out what it is too.”
“You’re serious?” Her voice is barely above a whisper.
“I’m terrified,” I admit. “But maybe that means it’s real. So yes, I’m willing to try. One day at a time.”
Another step forward. She’s so close. All I’d have to do is reach out and grab her shirt.
“This could be good for both of us,” she murmurs, and I know she feels a shift in the air as much as I do.
I raise an eyebrow. “I think this is more about you than me.”
There’s that grin. The one that got me into this mess in the first place. “Yeah, that’s fair. But maybe we both need this.”
“Maybe,” I concede. “But if we do this, we do it honestly. This isn’t about sex or proving points. The second I feel like I’m just a box you’re ticking, I’m out. And I mean it, River—I won’t give you a second chance.”
Her gaze softens. “I get it. And…same goes for me. If you’re just waiting for me to fuck up so you can say ‘I told you so,’ that’s not fair either. We both have to actually try.”
That stops me. She’s right. I’ve been so focused on protecting myself that I hadn’t considered—I could hurt her too.
“Fair,” I say. “So we’re both taking a risk here.”
“Yeah. We are.”
She reaches out an arm, waits for me to give her the green light. I nod. Her touch is warm on my forearm.
