“You’re a skillful detective, Sean.”
“Am I?”
“Definitely.”
“Definitely…well, definitely is better than not.”
He looked away. A young man caught between the blessings of instinctual sincerity and positivity and the job he’d chosen.
“Sometimes I wonder, Doc. Is this what I should be doing forever. Then I think,What else is there,and I can’t come up with anything—Doc, tell me straight, am I having PTSD?”
“Are you experiencing flashbacks?”
“Nope.”
“Panic attacks?”
“Nope. But sometimes I just kind of…I find myself thinking about what happened. Not reliving it. More like…just remembering it. And then I feel kind of flu-ish for a few minutes—maybe even an hour. Then I’m basically okay.”
“What you went through,” I said, “isn’t something that can be just filed away and forgotten.”
“It’s normal?”
“It’s a normal reaction to an extreme situation.”
“That’s what my wife says.”
“She’s right.”
“She also said I need to talk to someone until I’m feeling myself again. The thing is, I don’t want any disability situation. The department thinking I’m defective.”
He sat forward. “I don’t want to be off the job for one second.”
“I’ve got a good referral for you. Someone with flexible hours.”
His face fell. “You couldn’t do it?”
“We work together, Sean.”
“Yeah…Becky said that, too.”
He looked at the floor. Forced his eyes upward. “Also, you saved my life.”
Tears filled his eyes. “I never really thanked you. And sometimes—I’m ashamed to say this, Doc, sometimes when I see you it makes me think of what happened and I don’t feel that great.”
“That’s to be expected.”
“But I don’t want us to—I don’t want it to be different. I know how Loot feels about you, you’ll always be on the tough ones. That’s what I want. To be on the tough ones. To work with you and not remember.”
“No reason that can’t happen.”
“You’re sure?”
“I am, Sean. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and stop worrying. Things have a way of working themselves out.”
“With the Lord’s help.” Sheepish smile. “At least that’s how I see it.”
We need all the help we can get.
