The clock chimes its final warning. I should be in costume by now, should be heading to the front doors with the rest of my cast.
“And if I fail? If the North doesn’t cooperate and I can’t win them over?”
His face darkens into an expression that plainly conveys,You know the answer.
Sil will finally give up on trying to win them. He’ll wipe them out.
He’ll unleash us to do it.
“They don’t deserve to be slaughtered,” I say under my breath. Though, when I think of Haris, I wonder if that’s more merciful than what will otherwise happen to them.
Sil’s face twists, that anger just inside yanking on its leash. “Then you had better be prepared to convince every one of the council rulers sitting in their seats,waitingfor your performance. Because if a single one doesn’t open their gates the day after Dionysia—”
“Do not threaten me,” I bark. “You need me. The Playhouse is nothing without an audience, and your audience is wary of you.”
“Damn it all, Riven, I am simply giving youoptions. You think I want to see you hurt? You think I want to seeanyof my Players hurt? I love you. Every one of you.”
My gut twists. He means what he says.
“The game isover,” he announces. “I know every move you will make. I know every thought that will cross your mind. I know everything about you becauseIwrote it.”
The ruined mark between my collarbones twinges.
“Choose to forget about all of this, best you can,” Sil goes on. “Choose to go back to playing the role of Riven Hesper.”
Something hot stirs under my skin. Power—to persuade, to veil, to retell, desire for eyes on me, forever—I am built of it.
“There will be no leaving the Playhouse for you,” says Sil. “You will perform and win over your audience. You will finally have what you want.”
“And what do I want, Sil?” I dare him.
“Oh, Riven,”Sil says, pitying. “You wanteverythingwaiting for you at the end of this Great Dionysia. A cast that you fit into. A home that you belong in.” He clasps his hands together. “An endless audience that desiresyou.”
Years of disgusted looks and sidelong glances, of strangers whispering and moving to cushion more space between them and me, carousel through my mind. Then the audience singing my name, never tiring of my presence. My heart aches at the contrast.
A world where I am never alone, where I am always loved.
A world where my presence isn’t too much for the space around me.
A home.
The word sings through me, plays my heartstrings in perfect harmony. My heart swells in my chest, and I feel every word I’ve ever spoken on my tongue, every move I’ve ever made in my muscles. Everything I’ve ever done was designed to bring me here.
Suddenly, I want it all so badly, I think I’ll burn from the inside out. My heart longs for it. For home.
Would it be so bad?
“Or?” I croak at last. “If I don’t perform?”
“There is no‘or,’Riven,” he says. “There never was.”
Act III: Scene XIII
As I exit the arena, each blink of my eyes feels like waking from a dream, my body already moving automatically into the blocking for the next scene.
Sil’s words beat against the borders of my mind. My life is only a role I play. My world is a set. All that’s left is for me to perform, and to be Sil’s winning piece at the end of a very long game.
Andthatwakes something inside of me, cuts through the fog.
