“I think so.”
She leaned forward and hugged me. We sat for a while in the darkness, watching the moon rise.
“Hey, Belis,” I said, breaking the silence. “I fell down. I fell off the dragon just like you taught me. It is the most important thing, after all.”
She smiled. “Not quite, Mallt. The most important thing is how you get back up.”
Chapter 17
We walked back across Annwn, as the sun rolled overhead and the landscape changed from the scrubby grass of the chalklands to lush paddocks where cattle grazed, back to the rolling fields of crops. Already there were wagonloads of people heading towards us, spreading back out into the lands that had lain fallow under the infection of the shadow. They greeted us happily as they passed, faces smooth and unworried. They had brought food for the road and gave us bread and cheese and fruit. Neither of us had eaten since the drumlin field and we fell ravenously on the food, washing it down with cups of watered wine that another group of travellers shared out.
When they had gone, leaving nothing but dust kicked up on the road behind us, I turned to look after them. I was glad they didn’t know how close they had come to theshadowbitten, even if it meant our work would be forgotten. They seemed so peaceful, families reunited and on their way to a long, easy existence, followed by a final rest. Maybe that wasn’t so bad. Maybe I, too, could accept this death as the cost of the rich gifts of a human life.
I glanced up at Belis who was singing to herself as she walked. Rhiannon’s potion seemed to have half cured her and the renewed strength of Annwn was closing her cuts and bruises, butshe was still a little pale. I decided to suggest we take a break soon so as not to exhaust her.
We were still coated with ash and sweat and I stank of dragon and smoke, so when the road brought us alongside a bubbling stream I dragged Belis into the water with me. It was cold and fresh and she screeched with the shock of it. I laughed and splashed her, then stripped off my clothes to scrub out the worst of the dirt. The once beautiful fae fabrics had been worn down to rags, stained with blood and filth.
Belis swam up behind me, trailing her own tattered clothes.
“We can trade for new ones when we get back. I still have some coins left,” she said, leaning over my shoulder to see what I was looking at. “And you can always go and find your old friends and get some more fairy clothes.”
I bit my lip and pushed the clothes under the water, scrubbing at them ferociously. Belis drifted around in front of me.
“What is it?” she said, reaching out to take the tunic from me before I ripped it. I stared into the water.
“Belis,” I started, then lost courage. She swam a little closer to me and I found the strength to look up at her. She was so beautiful, her hair darkened by the same water that threw lights into her eyes. I wanted to count the freckles on her face, to run my hands along the muscles of her arms.
“Mallt.” She met my gaze and I felt my heart twist in pain at the sound of my name in her mouth. I floundered in the water, suddenly almost too weak to swim.
“That farm we were joking about,” I stuttered, trying to get the words out. “Will you come with me? To the north?”
“I’ll go anywhere you want with you,” Belis said. “Just tell me what you want.”
“I think I want you.” I let the words fall out of my mouth before I could stop them.
She ran a hand through her hair, freeing a long tendril from her braid. I reached out to tuck it behind her ear again, my fingers skimming her face. She caught my hand before I could take it back. Her eyes were full of turmoil, racked by indecision.
I leaned forward and kissed her. At first it was just a graze, just my lips skimming over hers, asking a question. Then I felt her arms wind behind my neck, and she pulled me close. Her mouth was so soft, her tongue dancing against my own. I wrapped a hand in her hair, moving the other down to tug her waist nearer to me. She pulled back then kissed me again and again. I smiled and our teeth knocked together.
Sorry,” she whispered, and I laughed, pulling her up the bank and onto the grass.
I sat back on my heels and drew her close, taking her hand and moving it to my throat, my waist, my thighs. Her fingers traced down my stomach, her touch light but my skin almost burning beneath it. She kissed me again and my mouth was trembling beneath hers.
“Can I?” she asked, and I nodded desperately as she pressed her lips to my throat, my collarbones. I was dizzy with Belis, drunk on her. All the pain and fear of mortality that I had struggled with, now I could understand how the humans could bear it, for this moment was worth it all.
When we finally paused for breath the sun was high in the sky, casting golden light over where we lay on the soft grass beside the river. I lifted my head up and looked down at Belis as she lay beneath me, marvelling at the long muscles of her arms, the sharp line of her nose, the myriad freckles that starred her skin. It was too much to look at, I wanted to taste, to touch, to smell her. I wished for the thousandth time that I was still Mallt Nightshade, not to run but so that I could love Belis in my immortal form. Yet even in the wishing a part of me knew this feeling was greater than my ageless heart could bear, that these emotions were entirely mortal, entirely human.
“It’s too much,” I burst out, still looking at Belis. She frowned at me, a dent of worry appearing between her brows.
“Is it? Mallt, we don’t have to…” She paused as I shook my head at her. “Not that, this.” I gestured at myself. “It hurts, why does it hurt?”
Belis sat up, alarmed, pulling me into her lap. “What hurts, Mallt?”
“Everything! I thought humans only felt things with their chests! That’s what all the songs say. Your heart is where you’re supposed to feel things, but I feel all over!”
“What do you feel?”
I stuttered, trying to find the words. “You! I feel you in my legs – they’re weak as kittens. I feel you in my arms – they ache to hold you, I mean physically hurt to not have you. My stomach is a whirlpool, my throat is a wildfire. I can feel you in my fingertips, I can feel my mouth aching to kiss you, to say your name. It’s not just my chest, or my head, it’s all of me. I can feel you in my elbows, Bel – what does that mean?”
