I tripped and almost fell. Belis caught my arm and hauled meup without breaking stride and I stumbled along beside her. New strength flooded through my body and I tasted bitterness in my mouth.
We reached the boat and Belis began pushing it out into the waves, heaving at the stern. I grabbed the oars from where we had driven them into the sand and carried them to the side of the boat, throwing them in with our packs. Then I ducked around the side to help Belis push. It was maddeningly slow. We were still a dozen yards from the waves when more javelins began to fall. They smashed onto the beach, horrifyingly close to us. Belis let out a terrible cry and threw herself at the boat, forcing it into the water just as the soldiers crashed towards us.
“Get in the boat,” she screamed at me, grabbing her spear and turning to fight.
I counted the legionaries: fourteen wearing the red-crested helmets of the rank and file and one who must have been an officer. His helmet was crossed with white horsehair.
“Fan out, cut off their retreat,” the officer barked. I recognised his voice, though it had been weeks since I had heard it in the woods: the centurion who had lost his family at Londinium. He was too far away for me to see his face but there was bloodlust in his voice. Belis knew him, too. I could tell from the tension in her shoulders when she heard his voice.
“Take her. Try to keep her face intact, she’ll be worth less if that’s damaged. Kill or capture the other, I don’t care.”
The soldiers advanced, swords drawn. Belis swung her spear at them, a wild sweep that they dodged with ease. A particularly burly man grabbed the end from her and wrenched it away, dropping it in the surf. Belis flashed her knife, crouching slightly as she tried to step backwards. I was holding onto the oars, trying to punt the boat further into the water. Her sword was still belted at my waist but I didn’t dare try and throw it to her. Belis was up to her knees now, the white foam of the waves frothing against her thighs.
“Get in the boat,” I yelled. “You have to comenow!”
Belis glanced over her shoulder at me then slipped and wentup to her chest in the water. The Romans didn’t rush. They knew they had no need to. They kept advancing slowly. The centurion had stayed on the beach, his pale crest fluttering in the wind.
“It’s too late, Mallt,” Belis called, spitting out seawater.
“Comenow. You’ll have to swim for it!” I screamed, the wind tearing at my words and carrying them away. Belis turned sideways, keeping her knife pointed at the soldiers, but looking at me. Her face was calm.
“Promise me you’ll help Cati,” she said, and I began to understand what she was planning to do. “Promise me you’ll set her free.”
I shrieked wordlessly at her and began to try and lever the boat back towards the shore. “I’m not leaving you.” I stood up, leaning against the side of the boat, and screamed at Belis again. She met my eyes and I could see she had already given up. She’d decided to sacrifice herself, just like she’d said.
“You have to try!” I called, but she had turned away. Fury built inside me and I knew I wasn’t going to let her give up.
I jumped out of the boat. The saltwater stung my eyes and burned down my throat as I breathed in a large quantity of it and broke the surface, coughing and spluttering. The water was deeper than I’d realised and I floundered, trying to reach the seabed. I tried to push forward, to swim back towards Belis, but the current was strong and it was already pulling at the fabric of my clothes, dragging me down. I went under, came up gasping for air then slipped beneath the surface again. I pedalled my legs madly, hitting the ground with one foot. I was only inches below the surface but there was no air left in my body and I couldn’t find the strength to swim up. I swiped desperately through the water, fingers splayed wide as if I could claw my way through it. My chest felt as if it was about to implode, the weight of the sea crushing my ribs and forcing burning seawater down my throat.
As the water filled my lungs the pain receded a little. I felt my hair drifting around my face, blocking my view. I was perversely embarrassed. I – who had once swum the entire lengthof the River Thames, who went diving with the selkies in the sea lochs – I was going to drown here, in seven feet of water. I giggled and the last few bubbles fluttered out of my mouth and rose to the surface, sharp seawater flooding into my throat. Arawn was going to laugh if my soul ever made it to Annwn.
Then strong hands wrapped around my arm and pulled me up towards the light. I gasped as air filled my lungs and I was thrown through the air, landing hard on the boat. I coughed and retched, trying to get out the water that still sloshed in my chest, but even as I did I was hauling myself up, reaching for the oar. Belis launched herself at the side of the boat, dragging herself out of the water and rolling onto the planks. She leaned back over and grabbed at her spear which was floating beside the boat.
I looked up. The soldiers were wading towards us but the waves were affecting them, too, and the armoured chestplates were dragging them under. The burly man tore his armour from his torso and kicked forward, swimming towards us with strong strokes.
He reached the edge of the boat and grabbed the side, trying to pull himself in alongside us. I smacked him with my oar and he howled and let go, slipping beneath the water. Belis was suddenly beside me, taking the oar from my hands and starting to manoeuvre us further out. I let her do it, falling to my hands and knees and retching seawater into the bottom of the boat.
By the time I thought I had brought it all up we had reached the edge of the bay and were beginning to round the coastline. I could see the red cloaks of the legionaries in the distance, lining up on the beach.
“They’ll follow us around the coast, I should think,” said Belis, puffing a little from the effort of rowing. “If we keep out of range of the javelins we should be fine. We’ll have to row all night, though, and there’ll be no breaks. We can’t afford that now.”
I nodded, sitting down on the bench opposite her. She paused in her rowing, droplets streaming off the oar as she held it outof the water.
“Why did you jump?” she asked.
“You were giving up. You were going to let them take you, drag you back to Londinium, to Rome even.” I met her gaze. “I didn’t want you to give up.”
“But you could have drowned, they could have taken you, too. Then everything would have been lost – you, me, Cati. You should have left me.”
Her reasoning was logical. I could probably have eventually drifted my way to Grassholm. I didn’t understand it myself. Every logical thought said I should have stayed on that boat. I hadn’t realised I was going to jump until I was in the air. I tried to reason it out to myself, but I couldn’t. It had to be some strange mortal instinct.
I realised Belis was still waiting for an answer.
“I didn’t want to leave you,” I said simply.
“Even after everything I’ve done?”
“You don’t need to kill yourself to make amends. I’ll talk to Arawn. We can get your sister’s soul back without a trade. He wouldn’t be interested in it anyway. He knows he’ll get it eventually.”
