That’s what Sterling feared. As much as the sparks had ignited desire with Violet again, hotter than when they’d been courting, she was fighting fears that were still very real and alive. He understood that now in a way he hadn’t before, which was all the more reason not to consider marriage to her again. She would be scared and would have doubts and would be all too ready to run away again at the slightest spook.
He couldn’t risk that.
He expelled a breath. “I won’t do it.”
Beckett blew out a breath too. “Dad-blame-it, Sterling. I know you’re gonna do it.”
“I said I won’t.”
“I saw the way you were looking at her when you got home today.”
He’d been trying hard to keep from staring at her, but maybe he’d done more looking than he should have. She was just so pretty and so hard to resist.
“It doesn’t matter,” he offered. “Even if I tell her we ought to get married for her safety, she won’t do it.”
“I saw the way she was looking at you too.”
Sterling’s pulse hopped. “How?”
Beckett muttered under his breath and began to walk off.
Sterling didn’t blame his friend for his frustration. He would probably be frustrated if the roles were reversed and he could see Beckett heading down the same destructive path as before.
But did it have to be destructive again? Could Sterling love Violet differently this time? He’d already realized he’d beenselfish in his desires for her before. What if he could try again and do better?
His heartbeat galloped forward with a strange anticipation. But just as quickly, he tried to rein it in. He was crazy to give Thatcher’s suggestion to marry Violet even a second of consideration, wasn’t he?
Yes, he was completely crazy.
He twisted his head first one way and then the other, cracking his bones and trying to loosen the tension in his shoulders.
Even if the idea was far-fetched, itwouldsolve the problem of Claude claiming her. In fact, it was an easy solution that would prevent a fight and possible bloodshed. Maybe they could find a husband for Hyacinth too. She was nineteen and old enough to be married.
Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he let his gaze settle back on the house. Time was of the essence. If he was going to implement a marriage plan to thwart Claude, he would have to do it soon, maybe even tonight.
Marry Violet tonight? Or most likely tomorrow morning?
He paced toward the corral then back.
What was wrong with him? He couldn’t consider it, mainly because he knew Violet would never follow through with it. Even if she agreed and realized it would keep her safe, when the moment came to say her vows, she would get scared and back out.
Unless…
His pacing came to a halt.
What if he assured her the marriage would be in name only and that she could leave at any time?
He hated both ideas. He didn’t want a marriage in name only, and he wouldn’t want her to leave him at any time. But wouldshe agree to the plan more readily if she knew she had a way out? Did he want her to agree to the plan?
He closed his eyes and attempted to ward off the truth. But what was the point of denying what was so obvious to everyone, including himself? The truth was he loved Violet. Maybe he’d never stopped loving her. Maybe he’d wanted her all along and would never be satisfied with anyone else. And maybe he was looking for an excuse to have her back in his life.
This marriage of convenience plan would give him that excuse. It would also give him the opportunity to show her he was different now, that he could love her unselfishly without asking for anything in return.
The ache in Sterling’s heart pulsed as if to remind him of all the pain he’d already experienced with Violet. Could he pursue a relationship with her, knowing full well she might leave him once more? On the other hand, could he really live the rest of his life knowing he’d had another chance to be with her but had thrown it away?
No matter what choice he made, he was bound to face pain. The real question was whether he could finally make the choice to love her anyway, no matter what happened and no matter how much pain it cost him. Because that was unconditional love—loving when it wasn’t easy, even when it was the hardest thing in the world.
He hadn’t understood that earlier in the year. Now that he was learning what true sacrificial love meant, could he gather the courage to do what he’d failed at last time?
