Sterling was quiet.
Hyacinth sighed with exasperation, but then slipped her hand into Violet’s, supporting her as always.
Violet grasped her sister’s hand, needing the encouragement more now than ever. If she’d thought life had been challenging before, those problems couldn’t compare to the trouble she was facing tonight.
“I don’t believe you,” Sterling finally said, his voice testy.
Her gaze snapped up to his. This was the second time he’d said those exact words. Why was he doubting everything she was telling him? “We may not have worked out, Sterling, but I was always honest—”
“Honest?” His brows rose, revealing darkly bitter eyes.
She took a rapid step back and almost bumped into the stove.
“You lied about our relationship all along, pretending to love me when you didn’t.”
“That’s not true!” Was it partially true? Had she pretended to love Sterling?
Were they really having this conversation here and now? She supposed it was long overdue. But tonight, when she was in the middle of a crisis, didn’t seem like the right time to fight with him over why their relationship hadn’t worked.
“You never loved me.” His glare dared her to defy him.
Lovewas a strong word, and she wasn’t sure if what she’d felt for Sterling actually had been love. But that didn’t diminish the feelings she’d harbored for him. “Of course I cared about you. Why else would I agree to marry you?”
“You didn’t care about anyone but yourself.”
Hyacinth released a mocking laugh. “That’s absolutely perfect coming from you.”
Violet yanked on her sister’s arm. She didn’t need her sister making matters worse. “Stay out of this. Please.”
Hyacinth rolled her eyes but clamped her lips together.
Violet returned her attention to Sterling, to his shadowed face and hurt-filled eyes.
Was he right? Maybe she had only been thinking of herself. She’d been scared when he’d proposed. She’d told herself the fear was normal for a bride, that the uncertainties would go away, that the doubts would diminish.
But as the wedding had drawn closer, the fear had begun to strangle her and wake her up at night. She’d spent less and lesstime with Sterling, and he’d been so busy with the calving that he hadn’t noticed.
When the day of the wedding had finally arrived, she’d been sleep-deprived and jittery and hadn’t been thinking straight. Because if she’d used an ounce of reason, she would have met with Sterling privately and talked with him about her fears and asked him if they could postpone the wedding.
Instead, she’d gone to his house and gotten ready for the ceremony in his sisters’ room. By that point, the guests had all started arriving—so many people. When she’d told Hyacinth and Mother she needed a few moments by herself, they’d left the room. She’d used the opportunity to slip down a servant’s staircase and out the back door. She’d needed to think, to catch her breath, to draw in the strength to persevere with the union—a union her parents, especially her mother, had been so happy about.
Once outside, all Violet had wanted to do was run home, crawl into bed, and pull the covers over her head. When Maverick had come around the house and spotted her, she hadn’t known what to do. All the questions she’d been asking herself had surfaced. Maybe Sterling truly did love her. But was his love strong enough? Would he always love her more than everything else? Or would his interests and hobbies one day mean more to him than she did? What would happen when she was no longer first in his life?
The questions had been swirling through her head, and when Maverick had picked her up to carry her back inside, she hadn’t known how to stop him other than to kiss him. It had been a horrible thing to do. But in her confusion—and maybe even in her unconscious effort to sabotage the wedding—she’d wondered if what she felt for Sterling could happen with Maverick. She’d reasoned that Sterling wasn’t so special andthat she’d allowed herself to fall for the first man who’d shown interest in her.
The kiss with Maverick had been perfunctory and bland, like kissing a lumpy gourd. The experience had been nothing at all like Sterling’s kisses. Even so, when Sterling had come rushing out of the house after witnessing the kiss with Maverick, she’d pushed him away.
She couldn’t remember everything she’d told him, but the moment had been painful and tense. She’d run away from him to the barn, where her mother and sister had found her sobbing in a horse stall. Mother had arranged for the carriage she’d rented to come around to the barn and pick them up and take them back to Breckenridge.
Sterling had tried to talk to her, had come to their house, had begged her not to push him away. In spite of his pleas, she’d refused to talk to him or see him before she left town for Williamsburg with Mother and Hyacinth. Even though Sterling had written to her a few times, she hadn’t been able to make herself respond.
There was no doubt about it. Sterling’s accusation that she hadn’t cared about anyone but herself was true. She’d been selfish and had only considered her fears and insecurities.
His dark gaze held no love, no kindness, no pleading now. No, it contained contempt.
“You’re right.” The confession fell out easily. “I only thought about myself. I was horribly selfish.”
Hyacinth shook her head, but thankfully didn’t say more.
