She didn’t have to think long to know that if she gave up now on the hike, and in this difficulty with Tyler, she’d be letting her cowardliness win. But if she challenged herself to persevere, she’d grow stronger—at least, she hoped so.
She dragged a breath into her oxygen-starved lungs, then she gave a nod. “I’ll push forward.” She had to do it for herself, for Madison, and for the life that could be hers if she made herself keep walking forward instead of holding back.
Mitch gave her an encouraging nod and resumed his steady trek. The others fell into step again, and she moved one foot forward, then the next. She didn’t look up but kept her head down, focused on making each tiny climb up even though her legs felt weighed down with hundred-pound ankle bands.
“Almost there!” came a call.
She didn’t know who it was, didn’t care. She couldn’t think of anything but just taking the next step forward.
Finally, as she rounded a bend, the climb ended. A rocky but level area spread out around her. She bent over at the knees and dragged in several breaths. The other hikers from their group milled around her.
Had she really made it?
Mitch stopped beside her. “How you doing?”
“I’ve been better,” she managed.
“Give it a minute, and then you’ll be glad you forced yourself to finish.”
She felt like she was dying, but she nodded anyway.
The first thing she became conscious of was the wind and the power of the gusts as they blew against her. The second thing was the crispness of the air cooling her skin. Then she noticed the vastness of the sky that surrounded her, so close she could touch it.
When she finally straightened, she felt a moment of dizziness as she took in the view. The entire world seemed to spread out before her, rolling on forever—forests, hills, distant mountain peaks—in every direction she looked.
She took in another breath, and an incredible sense of satisfaction settled over her. She feasted on the beauty, letting it fill her soul with awe. This was what she would have missed if she hadn’t forced herself to finish those last grueling steps of the climb. This.
The other hikers were resting, some sitting on rocks, others walking around, a few taking pictures. No one was in a hurry to leave. She certainly wasn’t.
She found a secluded spot on a large flat stone. She sprawled out and popped open her water bottle and sipped while she quietly took in the beauty unlike anything she’d ever seen before.
She’d climbed her mountain. If she could do this, she could do anything…including overcoming her fear of getting too close to others. She could return to Healing Springs Ranch, continue to work with T.W., and allow herself to move deeper with people.
More importantly, she could give a relationship with Tyler a chance to develop, couldn’t she? She had to stop holding him at arm’s length and let him into her heart and life…if she wasn’t too late.
At the very least, when she returned to Healing Springs Ranch, she needed to track him down and apologize. She didn’t know exactly what she would say or what her apology would entail. She only knew that it was her turn to tell him she was sorry after the many times he’d already done so.
He was a proud and commanding man, and she loved when he was slightly arrogant and bossy with that little quirk of his lips and the flash in his eyes. But she also loved his humility, that he was quick to apologize and make amends.
What had Kade said about the McQuaid legacy of love? That the men in the McQuaid family always loved fast, furiously, and forever. Was that the kind of love Tyler had for her? Maybe that was the kind of love that would make a solid foundation, one that wouldn’t crumble when hardships caused disagreements.
Was it possible she could have that kind of love too?
Maybe loving that way was a choice. Just like she’d chosen to climb this fourteener, she had to push herself to keep going, pursue Tyler, and prove to him that she was done running away. Because if she didn’t, she would miss out on a mountaintop experience in a relationship with him—a whole world of breathtaking beauty and wonder and delight.
A sense of urgency prodded her to her feet. She wanted to be with Tyler. Not only did she need to apologize, but she also needed to tell him she loved him. Absolutely nothing else was more important than that.
The moment she was back at the campground, she would call Pippa and get Kade’s number and ask him to come get her today…if he was willing. She didn’t want to impose on him any more than she already had. But she didn’t need—or want—to stay at the campground a single second longer. All she wanted was to see Tyler.
She climbed down from the stone and then halted, a sudden burst of fear pulsing through her. What if Tyler had changed his mind about loving her? What if he was angry? What if he’d decided she was too much like his ex-wife after all and didn’t want to take the risk that she’d leave and hurt him the same way? Because she had already left and hurt him…
Kinsey pressed a hand against her racing heart. Maybe it would be better to stay at the camp and take the full three days, and then she wouldn’t look so desperate. She could return to her nursing job and gauge Tyler’s reaction to her. If he were aloof and angry, then she wasn’t sure what she’d do.
“No,” she whispered with a shake of her head. She had to push past all the fear and uncertainty of the future, especially the fear that she’d lose him.
That meant she had to go and talk to him today.
24
