How could she even think that? “It would be a lot harder for me to give you up than to have a long-distance relationship.”
“You know we both want different things out of life. You never wanted a woman like me who isn’t from around here. Even if I stayed, I’d constantly be leaving for work. And you didn’t want that either. You didn’t want to have another woman like Stephanie.”
Her words stabbed into him and pierced his heart. Was she right?
How could they make a relationship work if she was gone as a traveling nurse for weeks at a time? Would he eventually feel abandoned, like he had with Stephanie? Would he grow resentful and frustrated again?
He supposed a part of him had hoped Kinsey would be willing to stay and stop all the traveling, that maybe she’dconsider taking a nursing job in the area and settling down. But if she had her heart set on being a traveling nurse, how could he ask her to give it up? He couldn’t. That wouldn’t be fair to her.
Kinsey was watching him, her eyes now filled with determination as if she’d already made up her mind.
“So you’re willing to walk away”—the pain inside him stirred into anger—“without trying to find a way to make it work?”
“How can we make it work, Tyler?” Her voice held a thread of anguish.
“You care about me.” Maybe she didn’t yet love him to the same degree he did her, but she did care. That much was obvious. “Why can’t we at least talk about it? Find a compromise?”
“Because I know I’m not what you’re looking for and that eventually I’ll make you unhappy.”
“Your leaving will make me unhappy.” Maybe he was being naïve. Maybe she really was too much like Stephanie and he just needed to accept that.
She sighed. “I’m sorry, Tyler. I’m a wandering nomad, and that’s probably all I’ll ever be.”
She’d admitted that she didn’t have a home anymore, that she liked the freedom of moving from place to place. But why? Why didn’t she want more permanence in her life? Didn’t she ever get tired of the short stays and always having to leave people behind? Didn’t she want to build deeper relationships? At least with him?
Or what about the fear he’d seen in her eyes? Maybe she was afraid to settle down. Maybe she was afraid because she’d already lost one person she loved—Madison—and she was worried about losing someone important to her again.
The thought rolled through his head, picking up momentum. “You know what I think?” His tone turned hard. “I think you liketo move around all the time because then you can keep all your relationships shallow.”
She stiffened and backed up against the vanity, the mirror reflecting the stiffness of her back. “My relationships aren’t all shallow.”
“Yep. You don’t let your relationships go too far or get too deep. Since you know you’re leaving, you can do your job without getting attached.”
“That’s not true—”
“You’re running away. Then you don’t have to worry about losing again like you lost Madison.”
She glared at him, her legs suddenly shaking. “How dare you bring her up and use her against me.”
At the hurt lacing her voice, the anger inside his chest drained away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”
Kinsey held his gaze a moment longer, the sorrow in her eyes crushing him.
The subject was obviously still too tender for her, the loss too personal. Even four years after the death, it was clear she still had baggage that she hadn’t gotten rid of.
With a toss of her hair, she moved past him, opened the door, and started back toward his dad.
He didn’t move, could only stare at the empty spot where she’d just been standing. It reflected the emptiness in his heart.
If it was that easy for her to walk away from him, then perhaps he’d been wrong about his love. What if he was only infatuated with her and had gotten carried away with his feelings? What if he’d let the bargain with his dad influence him too much so that he’d put aside sound reasoning when it came to picking a spouse? What if he’d allowed his emotions to eradicate rational thoughts?
He might be confused and clueless about a lot, but there was one thing he did know. She was giving up on them before they’dhad the chance to get started. And maybe it was for the best to let her go now while he still could.
21
“Darlin’,” T.W. said earnestly, “I don’t want any other nurse but you.”
Kinsey patted T.W.’s hand. This goodbye was much harder than she’d expected, more difficult than usual because normally she was not as attached to her patients as she was to T.W. Normally she didn’t blur the personal and professional lines the same way she had with this case. And normally she was able to care about her patients without creating lasting bonds.
