His face was etched with embarrassment. “The list isn’t important.”
“Whyever did you make such a list if ’tis not important?” The question fell out as an accusation, one laced with disappointment.
She’d been near heaven’s door when she’d kissed Kiernan. The moment had gone from blissful to utterly heavenly in the span of a few seconds, especially as he’d kissed her back. Oh aye, she’d had pleasant kisses before. Those kisses were a part of her past that she wasn’t proud of when she’d pushed God away and lived by her own standards.
But Kiernan’s kiss? Saints above. It couldn’t even begin to compare with anything she’d ever experienced. His kiss was in a universe of its own.
The trembling inside flared again, and she hugged her arms to keep her body from quavering from need.
His kiss had awakened something inside her, something she didn’t understand. Was it love? She wasn’t sure, except that the strength of the emotion had been so consuming and so powerful that she’d wanted to launch herself against Kiernan, wrap her arms around his neck, press her body and lips to his, and never stop being with him.
If he hadn’t ended the kiss and put the bench between them, she probably would have grabbed him again and kept kissing him.
Good thing she hadn’t.
Her gaze dropped to the sheet he was gripping. It didn’t matter if he tried to take it away and destroy any evidence his list had ever existed. She would know the truth about the kind of woman he wanted. And it wasn’t her.
Why, then, had he offered to marry her?
Bellamy had agreed that Kiernan was finally admitting to caring about her. And Kiernan did care. She couldn’t ignore all the things he’d done for her over the past weeks—sheltering her, giving her employment, keeping her safe, even bringing her books.
She also couldn’t ignore the attraction that had been simmering below the surface all along. And she certainly couldn’t deny his passion from moments ago.
But all of that wasn’t enough to form the basis of a marriage. She wouldn’t marry him just because in the heat ofthe moment he felt something for her, liked their kiss, and had been enjoying spending time with her.
Eventually all that would go away because a marriage didn’t always have heat and kisses and joy. Sometimes it was hard and full of pain. What would he do in those moments when the feelings disappeared and he was left holding a tattered list of qualities he’d wanted in a wife but would never have?
“Listen, Alannah.” Kiernan was crumpling the sheet. “The list is invalid.”
“What list?” Torin stepped up behind Kiernan and snatched the paper from his hand.
Kiernan lunged after it, but Torin was holding it high and pushing Kiernan away at the same time while he was glancing at what was written.
After a moment of struggling, Kiernan stopped and lowered his head, as though in defeat. His hair was wet and dark, and strands stuck to his forehead. Even so, he still radiated with the power and purpose of a man born into privilege ... a man who was so different than her with a life she wouldn’t fit into.
If only she could be everything he wanted and needed.
The truth was, she’d never expected to rise above her station, never even wanted to ... until this very moment, until knowing everything that was important to him. If only she’d been born wealthy and well-bred. If only she was from high society. Then she could be the kind of woman Kiernan deserved.
Torin finished reading from the paper and shoved it into Kiernan’s chest.
Kiernan hesitated, almost let the sheet drop, but then grabbed it.
“That list is a load of—” Torin glanced at Alannah, then fumbled for a respectable word rather than a curse—“you-know-what.”
Bellamy had joined them under the pavilion, the only one who was still mostly dry in his cloak. He leaned against a beam and was watching as though he was enjoying a theater production. The drama was indeed more than she’d bargained for.
The hurt and disappointment were much more too.
She pressed her hand against her aching heart—an ache that went deep and thudded with the reality of the situation: Even if she spent a lifetime striving to become everything on Kiernan’s list, she’d never measure up.
Kiernan ripped the sheet of his qualifications in half, then in half again. “I was foolish to make the list. Bellamy tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen.”
“What does that mean?” Torin’s voice was belligerent. “Are you looking for a woman with a dowry?”
“I thought I was,” Kiernan said quietly, still tearing the paper. “I thought I could use the dowry for my business.”
Torin opened his mouth to retort, then stopped.
