That’s when I recall what started this conversation.
Sinlesscanbe killed.
“Can a Sinless’s Absolution be reversed?” I say. “Can they be made mortal again if you collect their Shades?”
Some of the tension leaves his face, and he slowly releases me, his fingers lingering over my wrist before fully pulling away. “Yes. And now you know the most dangerous, most treasonous secret I keep. The Sinless can be made mortal again if their lunar energy returns to their souls. I don’t know how Henry Berkham died, and it seems neither do you, but it’s only possible if he was made mortal again. Somehow, he regained the shadowed pieces of his soul and died. That’s why Dunway was destroyed.”
I remain propped against the wall and let my arms hang loose at my sides. “If these secrets are important, how did you find out the truth? Do all Shadowbanes know?”
“I only know the truth because it was instilled by the rebellion. I was raised on the truth. Raised keeping secrets.”
The wordrebellionsends a thrill through me. It isn’t just Dominic at work here. There’s a whole secret movement behind his plan.
He continues. “Some Shadowbanes discover bits and pieces of the truth due to the nature of our jobs. But we’re trained towantto keep those secrets, regardless of our vows, for it spells our own undoing should they ever get out. We’re trained to believe being Sinless is the highest anyone can aspire to, and Shadowbanes are promised the gift of Absolution upon retirement. Very few others are given that guarantee. Most humans, as you know, live and die mortal, lamenting that they were never deemed pure enough to become Sinless. So Shadowbanes have very little reason to question what we’re taught or do anything that could risk our standing with the church and crown.
“Moreover, we have every reason to obey. Before our partial Absolution, the crown rewards newly appointed Shadowbanes by moving our closest relatives to the Sacred City of our patron prince. Outwardly, this is a blessing. The ultimate dream. Our families are kept safe and living in luxury, but there’s a sinister side to that. If any Shadowbane steps out of line, rebels, or is caught for treason, they aren’t the only ones who are punished. Our families are punished too.”
I frown. “Does that mean your family is in danger?”
“My family is part of the rebellion, though not in the same way I am. They aren’t even related to me by blood. They play their roles knowing it will likely end in their deaths.”
A strange sensation washes over me. Of feeling too small in a much too large world. After I discovered the truth about the Holy Braziers, that a heart sacrifice is needed to light and sustain them, I felt like the only person who knew treasonous truths. The only person who’d seen the dark side of the Sinless. The only person who doubted the holy texts and everything we were taught to see as perfection. All along, there was so much more to it. And there are others who know thetruth. Even darker and more shocking truths than the secrets I’ve carried the last two years.
It makes me dizzy just thinking about it.
“How did things get this way?” I ask, my voice as small as I feel. “If Vanna didn’t create the Shades, then is Bastien’s role a lie too? Did he not bless humanity?”
“He did not,” Dominic says. “Bastien did not teach humankind Absolution; it was invented by the king and the church. Some rebels believe King Kaelum had good intentions five hundred years ago and sought to create a world without sin. Others believe he wanted to win a war by inventing everlasting flame, a source of fire strong enough to wipe out his enemies in a single night. It’s unclear whether he succeeded in doing so, but his attempt likely resulted in the Holy Braziers that are used today. Whatever the case, his priests warped common astrotheurgy for purposes the gods never intended. Common astrotheurgy was always meant to balance all the energies of the gods in small magical processes. Yet Absolution does the opposite. It creates imbalance. It strips lunar energy from one’s soul and fills the void left behind with more solar energy. Our bodies were never meant to contain such an overabundance of life. That’s the real reason my kind are overcome with the thirst for blood.”
“What do you mean?”
“When our lunar energy is removed and replaced with solar energy, we have to make up for that imbalance. In other words, to counteract the overabundance of life coursing through our bodies, we must engage with death.”
My stomach churns. Yet another thing humankind is blamed for when it isn’t our fault. The Sinless don’t crave blood as proof that humans have yet to earn the gods’ forgiveness; they crave it because they tampered with their souls. That must also explain why the dukes and royals consume hearts to light the braziers—they need more death and darkness to harness the energy of light and life. No wonder there’s a difference between common astrotheurgy and solar astrotheurgy. One honored all the gods and resulted in small magics. The other takes energy from a single god to perform massive feats.
I heave a tired sigh. “Why didn’t you tell us all of this from the start? Why did you let us believe you’re one of them?”
He takes a step back. “Because Iamone of them. I may not want to be, but the things I’ve done in the name of my mission, in the name of being a Shadowbane, have forever stained my hands with blood. I don’t deserve your admiration or respect. Can you imagine how many other villages there have been like Dunway? How many towns I didn’t save? Why do you think Shadowbanes are sent to serve two-week posts instead of permanently appointing a Shade hunter in each unprotected village? To give the illusion of safety while allowing fear to control the population. My only salvation is that I’ve never been ordered to make my Summoners stir a frenzy of Shades to punish a village. The church knows to appoint teams like Henderson’s for tasks like that. But if I was given the order…what do you think my choice would be? Obey like I’m expected to and sacrifice a village, or defy orders and sacrifice my mission?”
My heart collapses to my feet, but his reasoning makes sense in a twisted way.
He must see the disgust in my eyes, for he turns around and stalks toward the fire. Crouching down, he turns the spits of fish to cook the other sides. “Another reason I didn’t tell you right away,” he says, “is because this knowledge is dangerous, for me and you. The less you know, the less you can be held guilty for, should assholes like Henderson get the better of us.”
“I’m already guilty of treason,” I say, my shoulders slumped as I too return to the fire. I don’t add that I’m supposedly guilty of murder too, because that’s still up for debate. It may be a fact that Henry is dead, but neither I nor Dominic knows how he died.
“Yes, but now you can use the intel you’ve gathered on me to save your own skin. Previous Summoners have done so—or at least intended to—and I didn’t blame them. Not even as I cleaved their heads from their shoulders and buried their corpses.”
I settle on the opposite side of the fire and meet his gaze with narrowed eyes. “Is that a threat?”
“That depends. Are you with me or against me? I meant what I saidall along. I will free you from this fucking place. You once asked what was across the sea, and I said there were no Sinless and no Shadowbanes. You understand what that means now, right? Maybe the other continents are full of warmongering devils. We don’t know for certain. But there sure as hell aren’t any Shades.”
His words strike me in the gut with the combined force of betrayal and hope. Another lie we’ve been led to believe—that the Holy Continent is the only place that’s even remotely safe from Shades, thanks to the Sinless and braziers. Now I know that’s a lie. It’s the only place where Shades exist. And since Shades can’t cross bodies of running water, then across the sea…lies safety.
“Continue to aid my mission for what remains of our six-month term,” he says, “and I will see that you survive.”
I rub my brow. “I’ve already agreed, haven’t I? Knowing the truth doesn’t change that.”
Something relaxes in his expression.
