I can’t afford to feel guilty about that.
“You were chosen as his blood source?” Harlow says.
“Worse.” I rub my scar, recalling my horror as he unsheathed a silver blade. He still hadn’t said a word to me, hadn’t responded to my tears, my pleas for an explanation. “He pressed a dagger to my sternum and spoke to me for the first time in four years, his voice soft and cold, yet strangled by the slightest tremble. ‘Don’t move, and this will all be over soon.’ Like a fool, I obeyed, thinking this had to be somemisunderstanding. Maybe he had to do this. To feed. Maybe he was in a frenzy for blood and couldn’t bear to drink from anyone but his beloved.” I scoff. “It’s funny the excuses we’ll make for a lover, even as they’re hurting us.
“I held as still as I could as he pressed the tip of the knife into my skin. I cried out and his hands began to shake. The knife slipped from his gloved hands, and his composure fell with it. Cursing, he tore off his gloves and gathered the knife more firmly. That’s when I saw the gold band on his ring finger.
“ ‘Henry,’ I said. ‘Why are you wearing a wedding ring?’
“He met my eyes then, and there was no love in them, only annoyance. It sparked my own, burning into hatred as everything became clear. Henry must have impressed the king greatly during his military service, for he was not only turned Sinless but gifted a fucking wife. I, his secret former lover, was chosen as a sacrifice to keep his shame in the past.
“I said as much, shouting the truth at the top of my lungs. He covered my mouth so the guards outside the jail couldn’t hear and brought his face close to mine. ‘Yes, I’m ashamed of you,’ he said. ‘I’m ashamed I ever loved a sinner like you. But your sacrifice will save Dunway. This has to happen. I must…’ He stuttered then, gagging on his own words. ‘I must consume a human heart. It’s the only way I can light the brazier. The only way I cankeepit lit. And the first sacrifice must be you. You’re the reason Shades claw at doors at night. You’re the sinner who draws them here.’
“ ‘With my sewing?’ I said against his hand.
“ ‘With your storytelling.’
“My heart fell to my feet at those words. My body shook from the betrayal of it all. ‘Those stories were for you,’ I said. ‘Only you.’ ”
I close my lips, keeping his next words to the confines of my memory.Don’t lie to me. I saw you. I saw you talking to them. Whispering tales to things that moved in the dark. You were never afraid of them. You were always a sinner.
I shudder now, the same way I shuddered then. I hadn’t known he’d seen me speaking stories to Shades. Never to dangerous ones, and never at night. Only a few times did I dare utter tales to the helplessmonsters I’d found trapped in pools of shadow. I can’t even say why I did it, only that I couldn’t help it. I was overcome with the same urge I felt when I spoke my first story as a girl, that same hunger for validation. I wanted to see if my stories were truly wicked, if art was really a sin. So why not test it on Shades who couldn’t come after me even if they wanted? During the day, they were relegated to slivers of shadow. By evening, the villagers and I would be safely indoors surrounded by lantern light.
Harlowtsks,shaking her head, but her lips are curled in a devious grin. “Wicked woman. I take it your argument did you no favors.”
“No favors, indeed. If anything, it only steeled his resolve. He pressed me hard against the wall. He was so much stronger than he’d been before Absolution, and he pinned me in place despite my struggle and proceeded to open my chest. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I started telling a story.”
Harlow barks a laugh. “You’re fucking crazy.”
“It startled him enough to halt his efforts, and he clamped a hand over my mouth once more. So instead of speaking, I hummed. I sang against his palm and watched his temples pulse. They say Absolution strips a person of the seven human sins, but there was wrath in his eyes then, and I used it as fuel to distract him. He was so busy muttering prayers to counteract my sins that he didn’t notice the sewing needle in my hand.”
Calvin arches a brow. “A sewing needle? You just…happened to have one?”
“I always had spare needles. Not intentionally, but I often tucked them into my clothing when I got distracted in the middle of my tasks, and I’d forget where I put them until they poked out from my hems hours or days later. This time, though, I remembered. I had two in my cuff. The first I used to pick at the rope until I freed one of my wrists. The second I used to slash open his neck.”
“Is that how you escaped?” Calvin asks.
I open my mouth to confirm his intuition, but my mind stutters. I blink a few times, brief snatches of memory flashing behind my eyes. My recollection of what came after has always been hazy. With blood loss paired with the trauma of my experience, it’s no surprise my mindhas stifled some of my memories. Still, I owe my companions an end to my story, so I focus on what remains clear.
I envision slashing Henry’s neck with the tip of my needle and put words to the vague images in my mind. “Blood welled for only a second before the wound sealed before my eyes. His teeth pulled back from his lips, and then…”
I blink hard, willing my memories to clear. “Pain, sharp and piercing. And blood. So much blood. I slashed him again…
“More blood.
“And…
“And shadows writhing in the corner of my cell…
“Blood soaking my dress, dripping to the floor, my head dizzy. Then there was…screaming. Shouting—”
“Inana.” Dominic’s voice shatters my thoughts, cleaving through my jagged, patchwork memories with a tone of warning. I snap my mouth shut and lift my gaze. Only then do I realize I’ve been staring at my hands, both of which are trembling. Harlow, Bard, and Calvin watch me with unblinking eyes. But as Dominic comes up beside me, jaw tight, gaze fixed on the trees surrounding the clearing, their expressions turn to terror.
I follow Dominic’s line of sight.
All around us are Shades.
Chapter Ten
