“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, Daffy Dear. Our bargain states our sessions can last for up to a full day. Your courtship lesson was reserved for Saturday.”
He’s right. We’d planned for our lesson to take place the day of the wedding. Which was the same day we…
Irritation ripples through me. Maybe it’s wrong of me, but I hoped he’d treat what we did together as separate from our arrangement, even thoughI’mthe one who said it didn’t have to mean anything.
But…it meant something.
To me, at least.
Did it mean nothing to him?
“Our bargain also states,” Monty says, oblivious to my ire, to the lump that rises in my throat, “that you must perform a courtship lesson for every session I pose for. Which means it’s your turn. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to be with you for this one, but you’re ready. After all, he isn’t a stranger anymore.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep the unexpected tears at bay. What happened to the overprotective male who stared daggers at Patrick every time he spoke to me? What happened to the man who held me so tightly, as if he yearned to merge me with his soul?
“You feel it too, don’t you?” His easy smile remains etched on his lips, but there’s a wild quality to his eyes that reminds me of cornered prey. A creature resigned to death yet desperate for an impossible rescue. One that will never come. “This is the grand finale. The happy ending to my case study, and the solution to both of our problems.”
How is this a happy ending?I want to shout it at him, but I don’t trust myself to speak.
“I never did tell you the reason I need to secure the publishing contract, did I?”
My pulse quickens and hope sparks inside me. Is he going to divulge something? I remember the desperation he showed the night we made our bargain. I recall thinking he had more reasons for needing our arrangement than he’d let on. But I never pried. Never asked for more than what he gave.
He flips his cigarillo around and around. “I’m in debt. Massive, massive debt. When I was first disinherited, I took out a loan for living expenses and spent it immediately. Clothes, food, entertainment, and a year-long lease in a luxury apartment. This wouldn’t have been too life-altering had I secured a loan from a regular lender. But I hadn’t, because trustworthy banks wouldn’t work with me. Instead, I went into debt with a shady loan shark who charges interest at illegal rates. Interest so high I stopped being able to afford my luxury lease as soon as the first year was up, which is why I’ve lived in a shithole apartment the last two years. And now the interest is so high, I can’t afford my weekly loan payments. So I pay by fighting in fixed matches. You remember the club? That fight you witnessed was meant to be a fixed match. Bare-knuckle boxing used to be fun for me, but now it’s a hobby I participate in out of necessity. I get beaten out of necessity. I beat people out of necessity. Pain is akin to pleasure for me, but bloody hell, I miss when it was fun. I want that back.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“So you understand my priorities. My life is a mess. I’m a mess. My family is a mess. But if I get this publishing deal, I receive a long-term contract to continue writing as Gladys at theGazette, along with a signing bonus from my boss. I’ll have a chance to secure a legitimate loan to pay off my lender. Finishing this case study the way we always intended is the most important thing to me right now.”
The most important thing.
Not me.
Not us.
Not taking a chance on what this might be.
Shouldn’t that be my priority too? I need to get out of my handfasting, or I’ll have no future in Jasper. I’ll be mated to a honey badger who will never agree to leave Cypress Hollow, a town inhabited by unseelie creatures, not humanoid artists with a love for illustration and a deep respect for opposable thumbs. To sever that bond, I need a husband.
Don’t I?
But what if…
“Be a good girl and give Patrick a chance, all right?” His smile falters the slightest bit, a crack rending his voice. “Just stay true to the two most important lessons. Lesson Two: don’t waste your time on suitors who don’t put in effort to pursue you. If he likes you, he’ll prove it. He’ll move heaven and earth to secure your affections. If he doesn’t pursue you, it means he’s uninterested, not that he needs encouragement from you. Remember?”
I nod, averting my gaze out the window so he can’t see my expression fall. I know what he’s doing. I know what he’s trying to convey. This isn’t about Patrick. It’s about him. I don’t need to tell him how I feel or make the first move. He already knows. And he’s reminding me that he’s not pursuing me.
“What’s Lesson Four?” His voice is soft now. Painfully so.
I swallow hard before answering. “A man’s actions must align with his words.”
Monty says nothing, and he doesn’t need to. Because I remember what he said the night he first relayed this lesson, as we sat upon my roof and he told me about his first love.
If he says one thing but he does another, don’t waste your time…
Do not try to fix him. You’ll both only get hurt in the end.
I’d been so focused on what this lesson meant regarding his past, I hadn’t taken it for the warning it was meant to be.
