She utters a small yelp as she lands on my thighs, straddling me, her hands braced on my shoulders. I lean back slightly, bearing my weight on one arm while the other hand reaches for her jaw, her cheek, tracing the angled tip of her ear before my fingers slide around to her nape. Her breasts pulse above her neckline, her breaths sharp. My cock hardens as her lips part. I claw my fingers into the ends of her hair, ready to pull her face to mine. To taste her lips for the first time.
If we kiss, it’s real.
I freeze, and my mind catches up with what my body is doing.
She senses my sudden trepidation, her hands tensing on my shoulders, her eyes volleying between mine as a furrow forms on her brow.
Fucking hell, I want to kiss that furrow away. I want to show her how I feel. But what I feel is more than the lust that courses through me. It’s more than want. More than this aching need.
It’s bigger. Softer.
It’s love.
I fucking love her.
And I will not use her for pleasure when I can’t be what she needs. If we can’t be what I desperately wish we could be. Because I’ll only end up hurting her.
She’ll only end up hurting me.
I banish the voice from my head and slide my hands out from under her dress, wrapping them around her waist instead. With a quavering sigh, I drop my forehead to her shoulder and squeeze her tighter, wishing I never had to let her go.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
DAPHNE
What I wouldn’t give to freeze a moment in time. To bottle it up and return to it at will. If I could, I’d go back to the moment Monty pulled me onto his lap beneath a starlit sky, his lips an inch away from my own, unmasked desire written over his face. I’d stay there, balanced on the knife’s edge between hope and disappointment, in the single, beautiful second when I was certain he was going to kiss me. To make what’s been growing between us real.
Even after the pleasure he gave me, the boundary we crossed when he touched me in front of my hotel mirror, I wanted that kiss more than anything. That deeper intimacy.
Now it’s all I can think about, even a day and a half later as Monty, Angela, and I journey our last few hours home by train. Our extended weekend is over, our goodbyes to the bride, groom, and little Tilly have been said, and I fear everything that happened at the hotel will stay there.
Despite Monty’s strange mood during the ball, he’s back to his usual self. It’s hard to believe he hugged me so tightly—a memory I cherish almost as much as my hope for the kiss that never came—with so much sorrow in his posture, so much desperation in the arms that clutched me. For endless minutes, we stayed like that. I caressed his hair, his back, while he buried his face in my shoulder and simply held me. After he finally pulled away and gently lifted me from his lap, there was still grief on his face, but he hid it behind a smile. We parted after that, with me retiring to my room and him insisting he needed to remain at the ball until the end so he could help clean up after. I was too tired to even consider going back with him, drained after my conversation with Mr. Wright. By the next morning, it was time to depart.
Even though Monty’s sorrow appears to have passed, I can’t help noticing the downward tilt of his eyes. The smile that slips when he thinks no one’s looking.
I assess him now, grinning as he sets several plates on the table before us. We’re in the dining car of the train, our destination still hours away, and Monty offered to procure our snacks. He settles into the empty chair and passes one plate to Angela, the other to me. The third he keeps and pours himself a fresh cup of tea. On each of our plates are several round, doughy treats dusted in sugar.
Angela utters a delighted gasp. “Are these Lumies?”
Monty winks. “Star Court’s specialty confection. These are extra special, as they’re stuffed with different fillings. I got them at the hotel yesterday morning but forgot about them until today. They should still be fresh though.”
Angela bites into one of hers, eyes going wide. “Strawberry! My favorite.”
Monty’s gaze slides to me, and my heart flips in my chest. It’s been like that every time he’s looked my way, the air between us vibrating with some invisible intensity. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but his breathing seems shallower whenever our eyes meet. “Are you going to try yours, Daffy Dear?” Even his voice sounds strained when he speaks to me.
I shake my head to clear it, blinking away from Monty’s storm-gray irises to assess my plate. I heard about Lumies during The Heartbeats Tour, when we were in the Star Court city of Lumenas—where Edwina and William now live. One of the friends we made during the tour, Zane, raved about Lumies and insisted we try them while we were in town. I never did.
Lowering my head slightly, I sniff my plate. Scents of sugar, cream, and something rich and savory flood my nostrils. I take up one of the dough balls and bite into it, noting how the lightly crisped fried exterior gives way to an airy interior. My second bite includes some of the filling. Now it’s my turn to utter my delight. “Is this bacon?”
Monty sips his tea, holding my gaze. “Candied bacon and maple cream.”
Angela wipes sugar from her lips as she chuckles. “Candied bacon and cream? Why did you choose such a strange combination for Daphne?”
I open my mouth to spout my love for bacon, but Monty speaks first, his eyes still locked on mine. “Bacon is Daffy’s favorite.”
My heart flips all over again. Perhaps it’s silly to feel so moved over bacon, but I am. My cheeks flush, and I hide my satisfied grin by popping an entire Lumie into my mouth at once. Monty’s lips quirk at one corner as he watches me chew my mouthful in what I know is a rather unladylike manner.
“You’ve changed a lot, brother.” Angela sips her tea, then studies him with a curious expression. “You’re quite thoughtful lately, and you weren’t at all annoying at the wedding like I thought you would be.”
