“Let’s go, love,” he says, voice tinged with desperation. “Let’s elope, let’s?—”
I lean forward and silence him with a kiss.
“If we kiss, it’s real,” I say against his lips. “This is enough.” When he tries to interrupt, I say, “There’s no need to elope. There’s one last step I can take to get out of my handfasting. I don’t have to rely on convincing Clyde and Elder Rhisha that I have too many ties in Jasper. I don’t have to be at anyone’s mercy but my own.”
“What do you mean?”
My lungs tighten as I confess the rest. “If I relinquish my citizenship of Cypress Hollow, I’ll no longer be bound to its rules.”
His shoulders relax as understanding dawns.
“I refused to consider it before because it means letting go of the place I can always return to when I want to run away from society. It’s been my comfort knowing I have a place to escape to if my life in Jasper ever ends as badly as my debut season.”
His eyes turn down at the corners. “There’s nothing wrong with holding on to that kind of comfort.”
“I know, and I would love to keep that door open. But if it means subjecting myself to a life I don’t want, I have to say goodbye. I have to let go of that safety net, and I’m not waiting until the last minute anymore. I am committed to making my life in Jasper work, to going after my dreams to become an illustrator. Even if I get scared, even if I end up making mistakes. It’s the life I want.”
“That’s why you’re going back,” he says with a sigh. “You didn’t give up. Of course you didn’t give up. You simply got stronger.”
The conductor calls “All aboard,” signaling Monty’s chance to disembark if he isn’t planning on coming with me. I know he only got a ticket to try to get meoffthe train and into a chapel. What a reckless lover I have.
He shifts, facing forward and draping an arm over my shoulders to pull me close to his side. The train begins to roll forward. That’s when I notice several curious faces fixated on us. I narrow my eyes at every gaze I meet, silently conveying that the show is over and they can mind their own damn business.
“I guess I’m missing work today,” Monty says as the train picks up momentum.
“Monty!”
“Do you think I want to be there anyway with that Modesty Committee farce going on?”
I wince. “I can only imagine what that means for your column.”
“Whatever happens, I’ll face it. To be honest, I’m not sure I want to accept theAsk Gladys position long-term, even if my book does get published. Why should I? Who am I to teach women how to date? The person I love broke all the rules to win my heart.”
My stomach flips. I’m still not used to hearing him say he loves me. “Your book had some good points though.”
“Perhaps. I’ve been obsessed with other people’s relationships because I never thought I could have one of my own. I wanted to witness love from afar, to study it and see if honest love existed in the world, without ever risking my heart to experience it myself.”
“Until now,” I say.
“Until now,” he echoes.
“If you’re not Gladys, what do you think you’ll do next?”
His eyes go unfocused. “I don’t know, which is frankly terrifying. I want to find something for myself. When I got fired from Fletcher-Wilson, I discovered I’d only gotten the job because my father pulled some strings. And when I was hired at theGazette, it was only because Mr. Fletcher personally recommended me for theAsk Gladysposition. I’d like to earn something of my own. Find a vocation I truly enjoy.”
“Like boxing?” I ask, unable to hide the grimace on my face.
“What’s that look for?”
“Well, it’s just…if your father is going to pay your debt, you can return to fighting for fun, and…”
“And?”
“And I worry. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”
“Oh, love of mine,” he says with a chuckle. “You have no idea, do you?”
I tilt my head. “No idea about what?”
