She’s right. And whatever is blooming between us is still too new to attach any promises to it. Even though part of me wants to blurt out that if I win, I’ll take care of her. We’ll get married, if we must, for that’s one way to secure citizenship on the isle. But I wouldn’t want that for us—a union built on necessity—and Edwina wouldn’t either. She’s already not fond of traditional matrimony, and her pride is too bold, bright, and beautiful tobe dimmed. Yet dimmed she would be if she had to become dependent on a lover. She won’t thrive unless she earns what she wants for herself.
However, I can’t simply hand her the win either. I need it as much as Edwina does. Cassie needs it too.
Which leaves the solution I proposed before.
I shift to the side, cradling her head in the crook of my arm, until I’m facing her. “Let’s dissolve the bet.”
Her eyes turn down at the corners and she nibbles her bottom lip. I can’t summon even a flicker of annoyance over her hesitation, for I understand why she wants to cling to this advantage. She still has a one-point lead, and she knows now that I can’t play the game. I proved that tonight, to us both.
After our conversation on the rooftop, I thought I’d resigned myself to do what needed to be done, but I was wrong. I couldn’t stand the thought of sharing a drink with Aubrey, much less a kiss. The last thing I want is to lead anyone on when my heart is wrapped around Edwina.
She drops her gaze from mine. “It’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?”
“It is,” I whisper, brushing my fingertips over her cheek. She still won’t look at me. “If you need more time, we don’t have to do it now.”
She burrows her face into my chest. “Do you think I’m a terrible person? For not being ready to let go of my lead?”
“Of course not.”
“It’s just…I want this so bad. This one point I have over you guarantees my win if we forgo further progress in our bet. I’ll get the contract, and I’ll get to live here. Which…which is also the only way I get to be with you.”
My chest tightens. I hate that she’s right. What will happen to us if I win? She’ll have to move back to Bretton, and then what? We carry on a long-distance romance while she applies forcitizenship and hopes it’s approved? Or I finally win her heart enough that she opens up to the idea of marriage and she claims her citizenship that way? And what of her financial situation in the meantime? What of her career?
Blooming hell, these are the kinds of questions those in longstanding relationships would struggle to answer. This affection we’ve confessed to is too fragile, just a seed without roots. We’re not ready to make these heavy choices.
Her voice quavers and she speaks again. “Then what if I win? What if you hate me?—”
“Edwina.” I pull back and gently lift her chin with my forefinger until she meets my eyes. “I promise with all my heart that I won’t hold it against you if you win. My feelings will not be changed by that.”
There. A promise I can give that she’ll readily accept.
She holds my eyes for several long beats of my heart before she finally nods. I release her chin and she nestles against my chest again. We’re quiet for a while, but the silence grows weighted. Her breaths are suddenly too soft. Her arms too stiff around my waist.
“Will you tell me about June?”
Her question carves a fissure through my heart, draining it of every pleasant feeling I’ve been basking in. It’s the last thing I was ready for. A truth I’ve withheld. I’ve hinted at it, but I haven’t outright stated the facts.
Up until now, it seemed too soon. This secret wasn’t meant to be given to someone who was merely my rival, no matter how much I wanted her to be more. If she wasn’t going to be more, then she didn’t need to know.
But now…
Fuck. Now it seems too late.
My heart thuds an anxious rhythm.
Edwina pulls back again, looking up at me with a furrowed brow. “You’ve told others. You told Jolene. Won’t you tell me too?”
I swallow the sudden dryness in my throat. “That story isn’t for you.”
“Why?” She shifts in my arms to a seated position. “Why did they deserve to know but I don’t?”
“It’s not about deserving or not deserving. I’m just…afraid. That everything will change. That you’ll look at me differently once you know.”
She shakes her head. “I won’t be jealous if that’s what you’re worried about. I just want to know this final piece you’ve kept from me. I want to understand why you’re keeping it.”
I lift myself up to sit beside her, rubbing my jaw. Now it’s my turn to avoid her gaze.
“Who is June, William?”
