“Perhaps, perhaps not. What matters is I saw my dark feelings, my hate, my anger, and I called them into the light. I revealed them and released them. I’m still angry and confused. I’m also hopeful that I can forgive her. It is a choice to follow the path of hope and love, even when dark feelings remain. Strength isn’t being good or perfect. It’s meeting your darkness face to face and moving forward instead of sinking into it. No matter what you find in those shadows, it is important that you love yourself.”
Love herself? She’d never had a problem putting herself first, but had she ever truly loved herself? Not especially. She was flawed and had done terrible things in the past, but…could she love those sides of her? Truly love them?
Larylis’ voice echoed through her head, warming her heart.
Someone who loved you, petals, thorns, and all.
Well, if he could love her through all her lies, schemes, and manipulations, maybe she could do the same.
She released a slow sigh. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all you ever have to do. Just try.”
Mareleau gathered Noah back into her arms and left Salinda’s tent. She hadn’t gotten the answers she’d wanted. She hadn’t learned a stitch of magic.
Yet she’d learned a little more about herself, a side she’d never known. Maybe that side of her—the side she shared with a villain she despised—could somehow prove useful in facing the villain that lay ahead.
31
Teryn hated how quickly relief could turn to dread.
He scanned the letter in his hands three times over, his stomach sinking deeper with each repetition. He’d been so elated to see Berol. She’d caught his eye while he’d been meeting with Master Arther and Ridine’s head mason regarding repairs on the keep roof and destroyed battlement. He’d hardly been able to focus on inspecting the parapets and discussing repairs when all he’d wanted was the letter curled in Berol’s talon. Yet she’d kept her distance until Teryn’s guests had left and he was alone on the battlement.
Now the wind cut his cheeks, threatening to tear the letter from his fingertips, as he read the note once more. Then, with a sigh, he pocketed the letter and leaned over the parapet wall, elbows propped upon the chest-high crenel before him. Berol hopped down from one of the merlons and nipped at his arm. Absently, he fed her a strip of dried venison.
Cora’s letter contained good news. They’d found the Forest People as planned. Mareleau was no longer targeted by the dragons. They’d found a solution to return the dragons to where they’d come from and had even found Ailan.
At least that’s what he’d determined from the sparse details her letter contained.
We found who we’ve been looking for. Not just the many I sought, but the one. She has promised to keep her kin safe and has control over the troublesome beasts. I will attend a meeting with her people to form an alliance and will come home as soon as I can.
Those were the lines that had required the most repetition. From the way she’d avoided stating names and locations, she was being cautious in case Berol was intercepted by the enemy. It was a practical choice yet a maddening one. He wished she’d simply spelled it all out so that he didn’t have to guess. But what other conclusion could he come to? They’d found Ailan and would next find the tear and bring the dragons back through it. Mareleau and Noah would be protected behind the Veil, and Cora would try to forge an alliance with the Elvyn.
There was hope in her letter. A miraculous hope at that. Finding Ailan hadn’t been part of the plan, only a feeble wish. Yet somehow Cora had found her amongst the Forest People. And an alliance with the Elvyn could be exactly what they needed to defeat Darius. He had two armies, after all—the naval forces he’d launched from Syrus and the forces he’d gained from his alliance with Norun. To defeat him, they needed more soldiers than he had. More strength.
Yet that hope led to dread, for it meant Cora was going farther away. It meant he had even less of an idea where she was, if she was safe, or when she’d return.
I miss you. I love you. I’ll return.
That was how the letter ended. He’d trust those words, even if they did nothing to lift the heaviness in his heart.
“You should have gone with Cora.”
Berol cocked her head, but Teryn hadn’t been talking to her.
A faint figure had formed beside him.
Emylia crossed her arms and leaned against the parapet. “You wanted me to act as your messenger bird as well?”
“Now that I’m reminded how practical and cautious my darling wife can be in writing, I realize you would have served as a better way to glean solid information.”
“At least you know she’s safe.”
Neither of them said what lingered unspoken. That she was safe…for now. And now that Berol had left Cora’s side, he wasn’t sure when he’d get another update.
Berol nipped his arm again. At first he thought she was asking for more treats. While that may be the case, it reminded him of the second letter that had been rolled up with the first. He hadn’t dared read it, for it had been addressed to Larylis. That isn’t to say he wasn’t tempted, for there was a chance Mareleau hadn’t been as careful with her words and information as Cora had. She may have shared more details that would give Teryn a clearer idea of their situation. And yet, whatever she wrote was meant for his brother. He wouldn’t cross that boundary.
With great reluctance, he turned the scroll over to Berol, along with another strip of meat.
