Does that mean she no longer feels the same? That she’s just too anxious to vocalize it? The smell of her rising embarrassment only further illustrates the point. Disappointment courses through me, plummeting my heart to my feet. And yet, I feel some relief too. Accepting there might be feelings between us would only complicate our situation. There’s very little chance that taking things further will end well for either of us. More important is the fact that love clouds my senses. I can’t have…whateverthisis putting Astrid at risk. I’d rather be rejected than compromise my ability to focus on our mission. Proving her innocence is my top priority.
“It’s all right,” I say, tone formal. “We both got carried away last night. We should keep things professional from now on. It’s for the best that we keep our minds on the mission.” The words almost pain me to say. Even though they’re technically true, they’re so at conflict with my heart it almost feels like a lie.
Astrid’s face falls. “Oh.”
My body goes rigid. Wait, did I misread her? Fuck.
I take a step closer, eager to close the distance between us.Do you have feelings for me?The question is poised on my lips, but I find myself unable to utter it. Everything I said a moment ago remains true. It is best if we keep our minds on the mission.
But still…
Before I can consider saying anything more, she grins wide. It’s a false grin, one shaped behind the haze of her magic. “Yes, that’s what I was going to say too.”
I refuse to breathe in. Refuse to smell if she’s lying.
“Let’s not talk about it anymore,” she says with an uneasy laugh. “Instead, tell me how things went with my stepmother.”
29
ASTRID
My mouth falls open. “That’sall? Did you even try to get a confession from her?” I seize hold of my irritation like an anchor. It roots me in place as I sit at the dusty wooden table in the manor’s kitchen. Torben made us tea while he relayed everything that had happened when he met with my stepmother yesterday. I’m not sure if my anger would be so vast had this conversation happened yesterday. Before passion stirred inside me and brought about the most satisfying night of my life. Before I awoke alone, my mind just as clear as it had been the night before, but with more doubts filling it. More awareness of my desire-fueled actions and possible repercussions.
It had taken all my courage to decide to tell Torben the truth. That even though I no longer felt emboldened by the reckless intensity of last night’s arousal, I still wanted him. More of him. All of him. I’d paced the bedroom for nearly an hour going over everything I planned to say as soon as I saw him. I had it all memorized. But when I entered the parlor, I was all but robbed of language. I tried so hard to say what I needed to say.
In the end, it didn’t matter.
He didn’t want me back.
It was clear he regretted what we’d done and probably still considers me an invalid. Or a seductress. I’m not sure what’s worse.
Regardless, the irritation I feel for him now is far better than the hurt of his rejection. It keeps me from staring at his firm backside as he pours another cup of tea.
Then again…
What’s the harm in looking when his back is turned? I bite my lip as I take in the tight trousers that had so recently been the bane of my existence. They still are, but now for a different reason.
“Our conversation didn’t go the way I thought it would,” he says, then turns away from the stove. I quickly lift my eyes to his face, but that only gives me a view of his lips. Lips that danced over my neck just last night. Lips I’ll never get to feel again. He brings the chipped porcelain teacup to his mouth, and I’ve never been so envious of an inanimate object. He meets my gaze over the rim, and something stirs in his irises. I blink several times and pour all my attention into my own cup, pretending I find the faded blue design decorating the handle very interesting.
“Still,” I say, trying to keep my voice level, “you could have tried harder to bait her into a confession.”
He leans against the kitchen counter. “I didn’t want her to suspect I know too much. If she’s the one controlling Marybeth, then she’s covered all her bases and made it so she can’t be traced as her accomplice. The girl hasn’t even returned to the palace since leaving Irridae with my Chariot.”
My annoyance grows sharper. “What do you meanifshe’s the one controlling Marybeth?”
“There’s still a chance it isn’t Tris. Her scent gave no indication that she was deceiving me.”
I rise to my feet and grip the edge of the table. “Shewas, Huntsman. No other explanation makes sense.”
He shakes his head. “That kind of thinking could be our downfall. We’re running out of time. We need to explore all possibilities.”
“There’s no one else it could be! I thought…I thought you believed me.” Panic surges through my chest. Did last night make him doubt my innocence? Damn it, he was right. We should have kept things professional between us all along. I’m such a fool. A stupid, lustful fool!
The table thumps, startling me. I stare across it to find Torben facing me, hands planted on the tabletop, his discarded teacup rattling in its saucer. His gaze is hard, intense. “I do believe you, Astrid. Do not doubt that.Neverdoubt that. I will do anything to prove your innocence.”
My heart slams against my ribs as I take in the depth of his tone, the fire in his expression. It makes me feel safe. Protected. Fiercely cared for. I have the strongest urge to crawl across the table and press my mouth to his. Hook my legs around his waist. Pull him down to me until there isn’t an inch of space between us. What would it feel like to have him take me right here on this table?
I shake my head to banish such thoughts. It seems last night’s pleasure did nothing to cool those heated fantasies of mine. Was I always this way? Or, more accurately, did I always have the potential to be like this, if I hadn’t been numbed by my tincture all the time? I sit back down to hide the way my legs tremble. “Then what do we do next?”
