In this moment, I wish I had Torben’s sense of smell so I could decipher how she’s truly feeling. As strong as my yearning for connection has grown, my suspicion is stronger. I’ve held onto it all my life, always waiting for others to turn on me.
But…things are different now. At least, I want them to be. I don’t know what the future holds, how life will feel knowing I can show my true face. I don’t know if it will be any easier to forge friendships or any harder to make enemies. There’s a terrified part of me that thinks nothing will change. That all my difficulties stemmed not from my magic but me.
Even so, in the midst of this cold fear lies a bright light. A glimmer of steady truth. Falling in love with Torben was only a hint at what else is possible. There are other kinds of relationships to forge. Other connections to make. Other hearts to meet.
Maybe this—with my stepmother—is a good place to start.
I can’t force a smile, but I can bring myself to nod. “All right,” I say. “I…I’d like to get to know you too.”
Tris’ lips curl into an uncertain grin, and her eyes glaze with tears once more. “I see so much of him in you.”
My heart stutters. I open my mouth to reiterate that my father and I were never related by blood, but I realize that isn’t what she means. She doesn’t see his likeness in me, but the parts of him I’ll always carry. Qualities he infused in me through his kind nurturing.
She clears her throat and quickly swipes a finger beneath her lashes. “Now, if you follow the path to the left, you’ll find someone I’m sure you’re far more eager to see.”
My pulse kicks up as I realize what she’s hinting at. Taking her nod as my dismissal, I rush down the path she indicated. A small courtyard opens up to the side, alight with the glow of familiar petal-like fae creatures. The cerapis sprites buzz beneath an enormous cherry tree, its boughs arching overhead to create an umbrella over the clearing. My heart thuds heavily in my chest as my eyes land on the man who stands before the tree trunk.
Torben appears to have gotten cleaned up and changed since I last saw him, no longer dressed in the mud-splattered, bloodstained clothing he left the clearing in. I rush to him, colliding into his chest as he wraps me in his arms. I know it’s only been a few hours since I’ve seen him, but it feels like a lifetime ago. Especially since I wasn’t exactly in a clear frame of mind after everything that happened.
Now I breathe him in, luxuriating in the woodsy scent of him, the feel of his arms, the warmth of his breath against my hair as he utters my name again and again. We stay like that for several moments, falling into a comfortable silence, needing no words, only each other’s embrace. But I know it can’t last. Not when there’s something I know I must say to him.
He must scent my shift in emotions, for he gently pulls back. His hands, however, remain on my shoulders, warm and strong. I tilt my chin to meet his eyes, their golden hue glittering beneath the glow of the sprites. The sight of him is so beautiful it nearly crumbles my resolve.
“I’m supposed to be mad at you,” I say. I almost wince at my soft tone, for I don’t sound mad at all.
His eyes turn down at the corners as understanding dawns. “For what I did to you today.”
“For handcuffing me to the bed so you could sacrifice yourself.” This time my words come out with the appropriate amount of sternness.
His jaw shifts side to side as if he’s debating whether to argue. We both know he was only doing what he thought would save me. In the end, his meeting with Tris led them to the clearing. Led the queen to execute Myrasa.
Still, it doesn’t excuse what he did. How he made me feel. I hold his gaze without falter. Without magic. “I never want you to make choices for me like that, regardless of whether you think it’s in my best interest. You don’t get to decide to sacrifice yourself for me.”
His throat bobs. “I’m sorry, Astrid. Not just because my actions played into the very hands we were trying to escape. Not just because it got you captured by a kelpie and nearly killed. But because it was wrong of me. I could tell you why I did what I did, but you already know. And I…” He runs a hand through his hair, making his copper tresses stick out in a way that’s annoyingly cute.
“You did what I would have done in your position too,” I say, recalling the secret conclusion I came to last night when we confessed our feelings. I knew our future might be tenuous. I knew both of our fates hung in the balance. And I admitted to myself that I would turn myself over to the queen before letting Torben’s life be claimed by a broken bargain. “Now that I know how it feels to be left like that, forced to survive while someone I love tries to trade my life for his, I know it’s wrong.”
He gives me a sad smile. “You’re right. We agreed to complete our mission together and I betrayed that. Betrayed your trust. I’m so sorry. I hope I can prove to you that I’m more than just a brutish Huntsman. I have a lot to learn about trusting others and opening my heart.”
I return his smile. “So do I. Do you…think we can learn together?”
His grin widens. He reaches into his waistcoat pocket and extracts a piece of paper. When he unfolds it, I see it’s the deed to Davenport Estate. “Only if you’ll consider a humble farmer worthy of your affection.”
My mouth falls open. “The queen returned the estate to you?”
“And freed me from my term as Huntsman, as promised.”
“But you didn’t fulfill your bargain.”
He smirks. “I did. Both of them. I turned over the Chariot as well as Astrid Snow’s heart.” He pats his chest, which only makes me frown in confusion. “You gave me your heart, remember? And I gave you mine.”
The words we exchanged in the cherry grove echo in my mind. “Clever, but I can’t imagine Tris was at all amused by that.”
“She wasn’t, but she let me explain. I know it may not have been my place, but I told her about your magic. Told her that what she saw in you was only a reflection of herself. Those words…they changed something in her.”
I can’t help but agree after my conversation with the queen. That warm hope blooms in my chest again, clearing up the clouds of worry and fear that dance around the edges of my mind.
“She’s been helping me finalize everything,” he says. “That’s where we’ve been these last few hours. Severing my ties with the Alpha Council, clearing my debts, getting the property officially transferred back to my name.” His expression falls slightly. “In a way, I’m poorer now than I was during my service as Huntsman. I no longer have a special coin to flash about and pay for meals, lodgings, and clothing. Everything I want from now on, I must work for. It’s just like we talked about this morning when you asked what I’d do with my freedom. Right now, I must work the land myself, till it by hand, care for it alone until—”
