Now…
“Have you listened to a word I’ve said?” Podaxis taps his hind claws, front pincers crossed. He glares up at me from the floor while I sit at the edge of my bed.
I shake my head. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I said many things, none of which you cared to pay attention to. Most recently I stated your night must not have been successful if Brother Dorian still breathes.”
“He did not kiss me, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“He didn’t even try?”
I purse my lips, but my refusal to answer speaks volumes.
“Maisie,” he says with a gasp. “Don’t tell me you—”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say, rising to my feet and striding to the window.
He follows close behind. “You’re still going to complete your mission, right?”
I bite my lower lip. The tingling seems to be intensifying with every day that passes, a constant reminder of Nimue’s enchantment, one that was supposed to set me free, put an end to my dark magic. I stare out at the garden, the shrubs and flowers bright beneath the morning sun. But my eyes see only the willow tree. The place I learned the truth about Dorian and he learned the truth about me. Where he saw a fraction of my darkness and didn’t turn away. Steeling my resolve, I face my friend. “The Alpha Council is wrong about Dorian. He’s not some evil murderer. When he killed the fae, it truly was done in self-defense. He was attacked and he bears the scars to prove it.”
“I’m not even going to ask how you’ve come to see these supposed scars, but…regardless. It doesn’t matter, Maisie. It’s his life or yours.”
“I can’t do it, Podaxis.”
He lifts his claws in an exasperated gesture. “Then what will you do? Let Nimue’s curse claim you instead?”
I tap my foot, mind reeling. “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but I must do something. I’ll…I’ll write to my father. Tell him that he must sway the Alpha Council to change their mind about him. Revoke the order for his assassination.”
“How will that help? You only have three days until the curse your mother placed on you kills you. Three days to convince your father to miraculously change the council’s mind. And then what? You still have a bargain with Nimue. One you agreed to. One that ends in your death should you refuse to fulfill it.”
“If the Alpha Council revokes the assassination order, Nimue can’t hold me to our bargain.”
He gives me a pointed look. “Can’t she?”
My stomach sinks. He’s right and I know it. Besides, what would I even say to my father if I were to get a letter to him?Dear Father, the worst has come to pass and I’m now an assassin, just as you feared I’d become. But don’t worry, it’s only one kill I’ve agreed to in exchange for freedom. However, in my attempts to murder my target, I’ve learned he’s innocent. Please tell the rest of the Council. Yours truly, Murderous Daughter.
And then what? Nimue lets me go? Revokes our bargain, ends my curse, and lets me live happily ever after? No. Even if she were forced by the Alpha Council to call off the assassination, I’m still her subject. Her property. I doubt she’ll have any qualms about letting me die if I fail to fulfill our agreement.
“You must see reason,” Podaxis says, tone pleading.
“Are you suggesting I kill an innocent man?”
He taps his pincers together, beady eyes glazed. “No, but…I can’t handle the thought of you dying for him. Can you?”
I open my mouth to say no, because I know that’s what he wants to hear, but the word doesn’t form. Instead, I say, “Maybe.”
Podaxis shrinks back as if I slapped him. “Maisie…”
My throat tightens at the quaver in his voice. I drop to my knees in front of him, fatigue and heartache dragging down my bones. My voice comes out small. “Last night changed everything, Podaxis. He’s become something to me. I don’t quite know what yet, but he’s…so much more than I thought he was. I don’t want to die but I can’t let him die either.”
He hesitates a moment, then taps my shoulder with a claw. “What will you do now? Do we leave the competition?”
I shake my head. “Not yet. First, I’m going to make sure Dorian chooses a proper wife.” The last word twists an iron dagger in my heart, but I do nothing to try and chase the pain away. It’s a pain I should probably get used to. Because I doubt it hurts nearly as much as it will when I force Dorian to send me home.
* * *
A few hours later,Initiate Jeremy arrives with today’s agenda. Individual dates are to be replaced with a small party later this evening to celebrate the arrival of Dorian’s sisters. Podaxis returns to his room. Since tonight’s event is a group gathering, providing plenty of female companions, chaperones won’t be necessary. Instead, Podaxis will be spending time with Nadia. Neither of us mentions the elephant seal in the room—that he’s clearly begun to court her. Whether Nadia knows it or not is another question. Whatever the case, I’m happy for them. It helps ease my nerves as I prepare what I must say to Dorian.
