He hesitates before asking, “Then why didn’t you?”
I stand and fold my arms over my chest, turning my back to him. “It’s not that easy, all right? I thought it would be, but it’s not.”
Podaxis crawls down the bed and circles around until he’s before me. His tone softens. “I know, it isn’t. Killing someone shouldn’t be easy. If it was, you would have joined the Sisters of the Black Eel without ever going on the run. But you’ll die if you don’t.”
“I’m well aware,” I say under my breath.
“Are you? Because time is running out and you don’t have any to spare should you ever get another chance like you had last night. While murder is an unsavory business, you must remember his assassination was sanctioned by the Alpha Council. By your father—”
“What if they’re wrong?” The words fly off my tongue faster than I can comprehend them. But now that I’ve uttered them, I might as well acknowledge their truth. Memories from last night come to me, of Dorian’s sad smile and his confession about the death of his mother. “What if the Alpha Council is wrong about him?”
“He killed a fae. He confessed.”
“Even Nimue admitted it was ruled as self-defense.”
“Let’s say that’s true. Then what, Maisie? What are you going to do about it? Take this issue up with the Alpha Council in the next three days before your curse kills you? Or are you planning to sacrifice yourself?”
His words sober me in a way that has my stomach plummeting to my feet. There’s nothing I can say to argue because he’s right.
He continues, claws clacking across the floor as he paces before me. “I never imagined there’d be an instance where I would encourage killing someone. And if this were any other situation, I would tell you to do whatever it took to keep from hurting anyone. But in this case, your life is payment if you fail your bargain. I can’t…I can’t handle the thought of you dying. You’re my sister, Maisie, in every way but blood. If you die all because of some fugitive’s botched assassination, I think a part of me will die too.”
My heart breaks at that, my throat feeling suddenly raw. I recall finding him in the dressing room with Nadia, seeing him in love, and gaining further motivation to succeed. I can’t break his heart by letting myself be taken by my curse. Besides, if I don’t do what must be done, there’s no guarantee someone else won’t come and finish the job before Dorian marries. Nimue has other assassins, ones far more capable than I am. The only reason she chose me for this mission is because she wanted to punish me.
I take a deep breath, my shoulders slumping. “You’re right, Podaxis. It’s my fault I got into this mess, but there’s nothing else I can do now that I’m in it. I either kill him or I die. And once I succeed, I’ll never have to kill anyone again. My curse will be broken. My dark magic will be gone. I’ll be free.”
I expect the wordfreeto excite me like it normally does, but it doesn’t. This time, there’s a question attached to it.
Will I ever know true freedom if I go through with such a dark deed?
Unwittingly killing Luther was one thing. I hadn’t meant to do it.
But this.
With Dorian.
It will be murder.
Sanctioned by the Alpha Council or not, his death will be on my hands forever.
Nausea churns in my stomach and my legs begin to tremble. I slouch on my bed just to keep from falling over. “I hate this so much,” I whisper, blinking back unshed tears.
Podaxis taps my ankle in a comforting gesture. “I know, Maisie. I know. But you’re so close. If you can get him alone one more time in a situation like you were in last night, he’s sure to kiss you. It’s clear, at the very least, that he’s attracted to you.”
I despise the way my chest warms at those words. With a sniffle, I shake away all the thoughts that make me weak and rise to my feet. Like it or not, it’s time to formulate a plan. I bring my thumbnail between my teeth and pace the length of my room. As much as it makes my heart clench to consider it, I know Podaxis is right about Dorian being attracted to me. When he’s inebriated, at the very least. It was enough to get him to dance with me, and even though his confession about how he liked dancing together was spurred on by his hallucinatory state, there had to have been some truth. Right? During his playful mood last night, he was somber too. He shared things with me that seemed like truths.
Like about his mother.
His sisters who depend on him—
No. Not that. I can’t think of that.
Instead, I’ll think of the way he pulled me close when he danced. How he held my hand. There must be a way to use whatever meager attraction he might have for me against him.
If I had just one night to truly awe him, impress him, seduce him—
I whirl toward Podaxis. “I have an idea.”
* * *
