“I offered you my help. I told you I would protect you from him and you denied me.”
Our eyes lock in an icy standoff, fury radiating from each of us. I can tell she wants to argue, wants to defend herself, but she purses her lips and returns her gaze to her lap, another agonizing silence blanketing the room. As heat prickles behind my neck, I regret lighting the fire in the hearth.
“Remember you love me.” Amelie’s words are so quiet, I question whether I heard them at all.
“What?”
“That’s the only clear memory I have before everything becomes clouded beneath the haze of his commands. The last thing I remember him saying is this: ‘In everything you do today, you will remember how much you love me. No matter what questions or angers or worries arise, you will brush them aside. You will return again and again to your love for me.’” A tear rolls down her cheek, but her expression isn’t one of sorrow; it’s anger etched across her face.
The image she portrays is like looking in a mirror. All that rage, all that fury—I never could have dreamed I’d see it on my carefree, confident sister. But is it true? Something in the deepest recesses of my heart tells me it is, that that kind of fury can’t be faked. That same part of me begs to reach for her, to take her hand in mine and tell her I understand.
Yet I can do no such thing. Just considering it is dangerous territory. In this moment, it feels so easy to give in and pity her. But what if she’s lying? What if it’s Cobalt who controls her emotions now, even in this confession? What if her Bond with him is the same as mine is with Aspen? What if he can travel in spirit to see her, the way Aspen has been able to do with me? He could be here right now. Watching everything. Hearing everything. Perhaps he’s waiting to attack until Amelie can confirm the contents of the weapons room.
My stomach lurches as I jolt to my feet and rush to the door. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I need air, to get away from my sister and the tangled emotions she weaves inside me, at least for a minute. As I reach the arched doorway, I say her name.
Her eyes meet mine.
“Don’t leave this room or speak to a soul until I return.”
With that, I flee.
14
Breeda greets me in the hall as I rush out of the room, but I order her to remain outside the bedroom to guard my sister. My legs tremble as I make my way through the palace and out the front doors. I don’t stop until I reach one of the rectangular ponds within the courtyard. There I collapse to my knees, gasping for breath as my conversation with my sister strikes me even harder. Free from her gaze, I can fully process the emotions she stirred—fear, pity, fury, sympathy, rage, love.
As fast as I try to burn it away, it grows and grows, rolling over me in waves, gathering momentum with thoughts of Mother, of iron bullets, blood, and flame.
Guilt floods me next, followed by crippling shame. How can I be queen if I can’t even keep my emotions under control? How can I lead an entire court when a talk with my sister unravels me? How can I rule both seelie and unseelie when my seelie side is weak but my unseelie form threatens to trap me?
Every inch of me ripples with anxiety, the burden of everything I’ve faced and done burying me beneath its weight. I sink deeper into the ground beneath me, the cool sand digging into my knees and shins.
“Are you all right?” Aspen’s voice snaps me to attention.
I face him, watch as he approaches from the tile walkway. The sight of him returns me to the present, reacquaints me with this moment, the feel of my breaths, so shallow in my compressed lungs. On trembling legs, I rise to my feet, sucking air deep into my diaphragm. I close the distance between us, pressing my face into his chest once I reach him. Strong arms close around me, holding me tight. “I had to get away from Amelie for a time,” I say, my voice breaking on my sister’s name.
“I sensed you through the Bond.” His voice rumbles deep in his chest, a soothing reverberation against my ear. “Your pain was so strong, I could feel it as if it were my own.”
We say nothing else for endless moments while he holds me, his rosemary cinnamon aroma filling my senses, calming my heart. The warmth of his bare chest pressed against my cheek helps drain the remnants of my anxiety until my breathing returns to normal. My fire returns, and I reach for it, let it flood my arms and legs with its steadying heat. Only then do I pull away to study him.
I quirk a brow as I take in the golden planes of his chest left bare where his cream linen shirt hangs open and unbuttoned. My eyes trail down to the loose brown trousers he wears, much like Fehr’s. They aren’t quite as neat and tailored as what he usually wears, but I must admit, he looks good in them.
“I like your outfit too,” he says with a smirk.
My lips pull up at the corners, but my smile wavers when I’m reminded who made my outfit.
Aspen furrows his brow. “Are you sure you’re all right? What happened?”
I release a heavy sigh. “It’s just…hard being around Amelie right now.”
“You don’t have to stay with her. You can keep her in the dungeon tonight, or have Lorelei watch over her.”
I bite my lip. Yet another conflict stirs in my heart. What is it I want from Amelie? To love her or hate her? To trust her or suspect her? Am I waiting for her to prove me right or prove me wrong?
With a shake of my head, I take Aspen’s hands in mine. “I don’t want to talk about her right now.”
“Fair enough,” he says, although his rigid shoulders can’t hide his lingering concern. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
I force a grin as I grasp for a distraction. “Has there truly never been any other Bonded pair that can communicate the way we can?”
