My mind spins with anxiety. What in the name of iron convinced me I should do this? Shouldn’t I have taken death? Exile?
My fire retreats, pulling back from my arms and returning to my core where it remains a white-hot ball of flame.
King Ustrin lets out a hiss of laughter. “You can’t do it, can you? You’re weak. Nothing more than a pitiful human woman. A girl. A child. You know nothing about rage or warfare. You know nothing about ruling a kingdom or wearing a crown.”
A crown. For some reason, the word stills me, my golden crown of flames appearing in my mind’s eye. The All of All gave that to me when they could have given anything. They could have given a maple leaf or a robin’s feather. Instead, they gave me a crown of fire. That must mean something.
I focus on the arrogance in King Ustrin’s face, reminding myself of everything he’s responsible for. I remember how it felt to be torn from my mate, to be told we could no longer fulfill the treaty. I think of the burnt apothecary, imagining it as nothing more than a charred husk with all my mother’s herbs and jars burnt to ash. Portraits gone and books and spells and recipes lost forever. Then all I see is Mother. Mother. Mother.
Sorrow rips through me, but my rage is hotter. It fills my body in a flash, igniting my skin in a white glow, brighter than King Ustrin’s.
The look on King Ustrin’s face is priceless. However, the expression is momentary, a flash before he steels it behind a sneer. His glow increases to match mine.
Heat surrounds me, searing my flesh. A jolt of panic racks my core, but I breathe it away. Aspen’s voice fills my mind.Take it to the Twelfth Court.
I close my eyes.
* * *
When I open them,violet covers my vision. My surroundings are like what they were before, but there’s no movement, save for the swirling particles of violet light that make up all matter. It’s as if time stands frozen.
My mind has gone still, and my only sensations are a calm warmth and the sound and feel of the energy humming through my body. This return to the Twelfth Court feels both new and familiar at once. I feel welcome, yet at the same time, I feel like an invader.
A black tunnel opens beside me, and without hesitation, I enter it. Inside, it’s like I’m floating, even as my feet touch what seems like solid ground. I see nothing, hear nothing. Only my body remains, although it’s nothing more than violet particles. My observation prompts a memory—no, a reminder. I came here for a reason. To find my unseelie form.
My mind begins to clear, and as it does, the black tunnel reveals shimmering purple far ahead. I run toward it, keeping my goal firmly in my mind so I don’t lose track of my awareness. My destination comes into focus the nearer I get, and I find myself standing before a mirror. At least, it seems like a mirror. It’s an oval of swirling light with a black void in its middle shaped like a human silhouette. My silhouette.
I squint at it, looking for my features, but they aren’t there. Particles of light. A black void. Endless nothingness. Endless everything. Comfort. Terror.
With a shake of my head, I refocus on my mission.What is my unseelie form?I think to myself.How do I shift into it?
Words float upon my awareness, chilling and ethereal.“You showed us your heart once before. It was a true heart.”
I shudder. “I remember,” I say, my voice harsh on my ears after the melody spoken by the All of All.
“You will find your unseelie form there.”
I stare deeper into the black void that is my silhouette. “What does my heart look like?” I whisper.
The darkness swirls with the shimmering violet. I feel lost in the movement of the particles as they shift and swirl. I see what looks like a blustering wind move in the mirror. Its every move is sharp and quick and effective. A word forms in my mind.Intellect. The images in the mirror shift again, showing deep black water, so vast it should be terrifying. Instead, it feels comforting, warm. Like Mother’s arms. Again, a word comes to me.Love. The water turns to waves, then form the peaks of trees. At the base of the trees is solid earth, rock, stone. It’s strong and steady and calm.Logic. The leaves of the trees begin to fall, floating to the ground like heart-shaped jewels. The Autumn Court comes to mind, and thoughts of Aspen follow, making my chest feel light and open. A burning heats my core.Passion. As the leaves fall, they grow into beautiful flames. The fire rises higher and higher, and as it grows, I become breathless, enamored with its dangerous beauty.Rage. Anger.
The mirror goes still, returning to my silhouette against humming violet particles. I think that might be all it will show me, until the silhouette begins to dissipate and is replaced with golden pinpricks of light piercing through the purple. It reminds me of the sky as seen from Lunar, filling me with that same sense of wonder. Words come to me again.Mystery. Darkness. Magic. Discovery.
“You are all of this,” the ethereal voice of the All of All says. The mirror returns to stillness. This time, my reflection isn’t a black void. It’s...something, although I can’t see it clearly, like there’s a film over my eyes. I blink and stand closer. Colors emerge, and I’m surprised to see something other than violet or indigo. Still, it’s difficult for me to understand what I’m looking at. Then finally, I realize it’s flames. Beautiful dancing flames. But not like a normal hearth fire. This fire shifts and sways in the most stunning pinks, purples, and aquas. It’s like the Aurora Borealis, something I’ve only read about and seen in paintings.
My heart races as I watch it—watchme. I stare deeper into the flames, seeking shape. Two blue eyes look back at me, keen and clever and curious with a hint of darkness in them. A flash of teeth warns me of a quick temper and a fierce determination to protect the ones she loves. Her posture shows me there is logic behind her motivations and that she doesn’t react in violence without just cause.
I take a hesitant step back and she does the same. Because she is me. With a small, elongated muzzle, two pointed ears, she—I—stand on four tiny paws beneath slender legs.
There’s only one word I can think to explain what I’ve become.
I’m a firefox.
Unlike the lithe kitsune with their slim bodies and their balls of flame hovering near their mouths or tails, my tricolor flames lap over every inch of my fluffy, white fur, rippling around me like waves.
And upon my fox head rests a golden crown of fire.
37
