“You mean the context where you are buried inside of me at that moment?” I asked, offering a bitter smile that didn’t reach my eyes.
“I like you jealous, Sunfire,” he said, reaching lower to grip my ass in his hands. My core tightened in response, part of me hoping he would take it a step further and do something with the hardening flesh between his legs.
Instead, he gave it a squeeze before he lifted me from his lap and set me on the bed, standing to go to the doorway at the corner of the room. He returned with new clothes, depositing them on the bed before lifting the brush in his hands and taking his place behind me. He was gentle as he used it to untangle what had to be a horrible mess after I’d slept with it wet from our bath.
Grumbling beneath my breath, I attempted not to display my discomfort with my own emotions as he finished up and we dressed, then made our way out of the manor and to Thunder.
When we were finally settled and had exited the gates of Oceanmere, I finally dared to broach the subject I’d been trying to avoid. “I’m sorry for my word vomit last night. I wasn’t entirely in control of my mouth.”
“Don’t be sorry, Fallon,” Etan said gently from his place behind me. The impending nuptials waited for us there, and I desperately wanted to undo the agreement we’d reached the night before. Etan didn’t deserve my back-and-forth on my feelings, or to feel the brunt of my nerves directed at him when they really had very little to do with him. “But try to remember there are two sides to every coin. Becoming queen will come with a burden of responsibility, but it also means that there are few who can tell you what to do. You have the power to make a difference as queen. What power do you really have if you spend your life wandering and at the whims of Alfheimr wherever you go?”
I hated that the thought had promise, that the very idea of helping others appealed to my human nature. I hadn’t been able to save Estrella from Tartarus, but maybe I could help create a better world for her if she returned.
“As true as that might be, I didn’t need to burden you with all of my insecurities. Those are mine to work through and you have enough to worry about with Rheaghan’s death and having to step up for the Summer Court,” I said, wincing when I realized I was rambling all over again in my nervousness.
“We’re partners, Fallon. That means your insecurities and worries are mine to bear, just as mine are yours. We cannot do this together if we aren’t honest with one another,” he said, letting me settle into silence as I thought through his words.
Leaving Oceanmere was more difficult than I’d expected when we’d arrived the night prior. The desire to stay and explore the town, get to know the people I’d only had the chance to meet in passing, was nearly overwhelming. I’d never really imagined myself desiring to put down roots anywhere, always dreaming of being on the move and never having someone to tell me to sit still.
But if I had wanted to settle in one place for a while, I had a feeling it would have been a place like this. Even though the village was small, it felt endless with the way the sea abutted it. It made me wonder what was beyond it, if Nothrek existed far off the shores or if we were on the other side of Alfheimr.
Were we really alone in the world, or was there more out there just waiting to be explored?
“You’re quiet,” Etan observed as he guided me to Thunder, saying goodbye to each and every person we passed.
“Just thinking about what might be out there, and who they might be if there are more people in the world than we know,” I said, turning my stare up to Etan. He nodded as if he understood, but didn’t respond in any way that indicated he might have greater knowledge than I did.
“There could be. Some Fae have sailed to explore, but they never last more than a few days. It is difficult to be separated from Alfheimr for too long, and I think only the call of a mate bond could force someone to bear that discomfort long enough to truly discover what might be out there,” he mused. I appreciated that he didn’t treat me like it was stupid to wonder, instead smiling at me softly.
He promised a male who approached us that we would return soon, and that when we did we would stay for a couple days and not a single night. The men clapped him on the back as if they trusted his word to return implicitly, not a single doubt in their expressions as they turned gentle smiles to me.
The mother of that first girl who’d asked me to braid her hair, Iulia, approached as Etan bid his farewells, her daughter at her side until she moved to wrap her arms around my legs and squeeze in a tight hug.
“Maybe the next time you return, you can teach me how to braidproperly so that I can be responsible for the smile on her face,” her mother said, a broad grin accompanying the shake of her head. Her blond hair cascaded over her shoulders and gleamed in the sunlight, her features open and warm just like her daughter’s had been.
“I’d be happy to teach both of you,” I said, casting a raised brow down at the little girl who’d made me feel welcome in a strange place. “Etan has promised it won’t be long before we return. I’d love it if you could give me a tour of your village when we do.”
“I can show you my house, and the school, and where Mommy works!” Iulia said, her smile infectious as her mother touched a hand to her shoulder and pulled her back from me. The touch was gentle and easy, tucking her daughter into her as Etan reappeared at my side and stole my attention.
“Livia. I trust all has been quiet the last few weeks,” he said, greeting the mother by name.
She nodded her head forward, the interaction easy and casual. “As it always is in our little haven,” she said as a male came up behind her. He was handsome, with blond hair that matched the rest of his family’s, but there was something that came with a stark realization as I followed the cut of that blond hair to the redviniculumat his neck.
He was human. His ears were not pointed, but shaped the same as the ones I’d grown up seeing on everyone in the tunnels. He smiled as if he knew the path of my thoughts, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “I take it I am the first human mate you’ve seen since coming to Alfheimr?” he asked, and I flushed as I looked around me.
There weren’t a ton of them, but as soon as I looked closely enough, I saw the reality of the handful of humans who filled the courtyard alongside the Sidhe they accompanied.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to stare,” I said, shaking my head. It should have stood to reason that the humans would be present, that they’d have survived if they completed the bond, because they lived as long as their mate.
There were children here, and given that mate bonds were rarely between two Fae, it had been foolish not to realize that meant humans were present.
“It’s alright,” he said, placing his hand on top of his daughter’s head. “It’s been centuries, but I can still remember how strange it was when I first came to Alfheimr. It’s jarring when you first realize how little differences there actually are between us.”
“So much so that you cannot even tell unless you look very deeply,” I said with a laugh. I knew there was more to it—knew thatthe inability to tell them apart was partly due to the bond itself and the power it lent to the human. The Fae Marked moved differently than they had when they were entirely human, with agility and strength that they never could have dreamed of before. There was no sickness or injury they could not heal, and it took a great deal more to exhaust them.
He reached forward, taking my hands in his. Etan eyed the contact and ground his teeth together but said nothing. “You aren’t alone here. I understand your circumstances are unique, but your upbringing was more similar to the rest of us who were once human than it was to any of the other Fae who will see themselves as your peers. Those of us who understand the transitions you’re experiencing are here, if only you’re willing to seek us out when the differences between our worlds become too much for you.”
I nodded, swallowing past the burn in my throat. He looked at me with such understanding, a sympathy that I hadn’t expected to find in the warmth of his brown-eyed stare. When was the last time I’d felt truly understood? Like someone knew exactly how jarring the reality of all these new people and creatures and places that I never could have even imagined could be on my soul? I wanted to explore, but I wanted to see the beauty in Alfheimr.
