Even after all this time, Rheaghan had loved the memory of his sister enough that he hadn’t been able to rise up against her. In the face of that loyalty, she’d cared only for his insolence, her jealousy, and the challenge he presented to her.
Of all the things Mab had done, of all the people she’d killed, ending the life of the one person who still believed in her was the worst. It meant that when all was said and done and I finally left the Shadow Court again, I would do so not only grieving my best friend but also grieving the end of the very thing he’d sacrificed his life for.
His death was for nothing. Hislifehad been for nothing—protecting a woman who was beyond salvation.
A woman I had every intention of watching die when the time came.
“You’re mine now,” Mab said, snapping out a hand to catch Estrella by the chin. She screamed as Mab’s talons cut into her skin, but from what I knew of the young woman, it wasn’t the physical pain that brought her to yell.
It was the will pressing down on her soul.
“I have need of something that is locked within Tartarus,” Mab said, clicking her tongue as she turned to look at the shimmering cove. It looked innocent enough, a perfect disguise for the horrors locked within.
“No,” Caldris rasped. Most who went to Tartarus were changedforever, their souls irrevocably damaged. The few who returned at all often begged for death.
“Bring me a snake from the crown of Medusa,” Mab ordered, nodding toward that shimmering pool. Estrella moved to obey, her legs shifting even as she grimaced. Mab gestured to one of her guards, and the male moved to give Estrella the clasped scabbard from his waist. He ignored Caldris’s growl as he touched Estrella to settle it at her waist. It was far too large for her, and I knew that whatever she had to fight, it would be too heavy to be of practical use for her. No amount of Fae-like strength could accommodate the way it would interfere with her balance.
Still, I didn’t move to intervene. The only thoughts in my head were for Fallon and my people.
Mypeople, in the absence of Rheaghan.
Horror came swiftly, the dawning realization that Mab’s decision to end her brother’s life came so quickly on the heel of the choice to wed her daughter to me. I’d planted that seed in her mind, not with the intention of ever ruling the Summer Court, but that didn’t change the reality of the situation.
Mab had made her daughter the rightful Queen by murdering her own brother.
Imelda hurried forward, bypassing where I stood with Fallon. The two women exchanged a panicked gaze, Fallon fighting against my hold even as I shifted her to the side and stared down at all the blood that had been spilled. All the blood that belonged to Rheaghan, that should have been contained within the confines of his body. Imelda pressed a small pouch into Estrella’s hands, but the grief-stricken expression on the witch’s face said that she knew exactly how useless it would be to Estrella. Without Imelda’s guidance, the young Fae wouldn’t have the slightest clue what to do with whatever herbs or poultices she’d given her.
Estrella’s mouth pressed into a tight line as she nodded anyway, accepting the aid that she could only hope to decipher. I suspected the intention behind the gift meant more to her than what the satchel may actually contain. From what I’d learned of Estrella in her time at Tar Mesa, she’d moved through her life feeling largely alone. She’d had a mother and brother in her village, but everyone she loved, every moment of happiness she ever managed to find, continued to be torn away from her. This was no different, the support system she’d found in Fallon and Imelda taken from her. Her bond withCaldris nearly severed by his near death, and now her physical form being sent away from him and into the pits of Tartarus.
She had people who loved her, but she would yet again have to fight her battles alone, without anyone to stand beside her.
I understood her better than I cared to admit, grasped the concept of being alone in a crowded room better than most. I knew what it was to stand apart from all those you considered allies and friends, to be distinctly different in a way that could never be altered. I would never stand beside the likes of Rheaghan and Mab and belong, even though we’d all been raised together. I would never belong in Mab’s court along with her cronies, nor would I wholly belong in the Summer Court where I’d been raised, sitting upon the throne Mab intended to keep for me, if my marriage to her daughter was any indication.
I was no God, and I already felt the weight of each and every God who did not have a court to claim as his or her own upon my face. I felt the danger in that stare, the competition lurking should Mab’s loyalty falter for even the briefest of moments. Estrella may have prepared to descend into a place of untold danger, but there was no safety to be found above the surface either.
Fallon’s tears dripped off her cheek as Estrella took a step toward the cove, her weighted gaze heavy on her mate’s. He stepped alongside her, refusing to release the hand he’d claimed with his. He would go anywhere with her, do anything for her. As the other part of his soul, he had little choice but to do everything in his power to protect his other half. While others of my kind coveted that bond, wanted nothing more than to find their other half and move into their destiny with them at their side, I did not envy those who found it. I wanted no part in a mate bond, hoping that my time to pass into the Void would come before I ever found the other half who would weaken me so greatly.
To love was to be vulnerable. To love was to be controlled.
I did not wish to ever give anyone that sort of power over me, not when I knew the damage it could cause. My relationship with Fallon would be different. It could be the ease of friendship and companionship while meeting one another’s needs.
Mutually beneficial, but lacking the soul-crushing heartache when it eventually ended. All we had to do was be smart about it and guard our hearts from one another.
After watching so many hearts be stolen by Mab over the years, I’d become very gifted at keeping mine for myself.
One of Mab’s men stepped forward to grab Caldris around the back of the neck, tossing him onto the sand. Estrella spun, her eyeswide with fear that Mab would somehow go back on her word. That Caldris would not be safe, that all of this would be for nothing and she’d find him dead when she returned.
Fallon kicked with so much force that I nearly stumbled, shocked by the vehemence in her motions. “Let go!” she shrieked, the realization that Estrella would traverse this journey alone pushing her fight into overdrive.
I forced her backward, dragging her toward the entrance to the cove as she fought against me. Holding on to her was like attempting to tame a wild animal, like caging a wildcat that wanted nothing more than to tear the skin from my limbs and feast on my flesh. “She’ll be alright,” I murmured, the gentleness of my voice so at odds with the violence of her screams. They echoed off the chamber walls as I guided her back into the narrow passageway that would take us to the palace of Tar Mesa, leaving the cove entirely. I couldn’t trust Fallon not to follow after Estrella, couldn’t have any faith that my future wife would have the sense to save herself.
We emerged into Tar Mesa, the Sidhe and Lliadhe who hadn’t been permitted to join the Tithe staring at us as we passed.
“You can’t know that!” Fallon shrieked, dropping all her weight to the ground suddenly. I grunted, leaning forward to scoop her off the floor and fling her over my shoulder. The breath expelled from her lungs the moment her stomach connected with my shoulder, offering a brief reprieve from her sounds of rage before she caught her breath. “Put me down, you asshole!”
I’d grown fond of the idea of a wife, developed a fondness for the woman I’d gotten to know in secret. While our marriage might have been an arrangement in her mind, it wasn’t one that I could see myself entering into with anyone else. Fallon was impossible and infuriating, her unwillingness to do what it took to keep herself safe something that would undoubtedly cause me untold aggravation in our future together.
But she was also one of the most loyal Fae I’d ever met; the very thing that would create problems for me was the exact thing I craved for myself. I may not have been capable of loving her, but that didn’t mean I didn’t desire to know her love for myself.
