April nodded, squeezed back. “I know that. I do. I just…when I said I felt lost, I didn’t just mean you.”
“I know, honey.”
“And I think, in the past, whenever I’ve felt unsure or things were unclear,youwere always the constant.”
Ramona pressed her mouth together, her eyes filling with tears.
“And that’s not fair to you,” April said. “I know that. You’re allowed to change. Iwantedyou to change, to chase your dreams and get out of Clover Lake, and you did. I never want you to feel guilty for going after it. For being happy.”
Ramona grabbed her other hand, curled them between them.
“But I also don’t think I realized how much things would change,” April said. “And how much I’d miss the way we’d always been.”
“I didn’t realize it either,” Ramona said. “And I didn’t think enough about how it would feel to be in your shoes, with both Olive and me gone. I’ve missed you so much, April. No one can replace you, but I also understand that I had Dylan and a new job and a new city, and you…”
“Had Bob and Bianca,” April said, her voice deadpan.
Ramona laughed, a tear escaping down her cheek. “Don’t forget Penny.”
“I’ve avoided Penny as much as possible so I don’t end up a headline.”
Ramona laughed harder. “Been there.”
April felt like an entire cavern had opened in her chest, her head, everywhere. She hadn’t realized just how much her relationship with Ramona was weighing on her until this moment, until they’d acknowledged it all.
“I want to change with you,” April said. “I want to figure out what you and I arenow, not what we’ve always been.”
Ramona smiled. “Me too. But I know you’re my best friend. You always will be, no matter how much either of us has changed or will change in the future.”
April nodded, then wrapped her arms around Ramona. “Agreed.”
They held each other close, and for a while, April completely forgot about what had sent her flying to Ramona’s in the first place. But then Ramona pulled back and sighed, setting her hands on April’s shoulders.
“So,” she said, lifting her brows.
April groaned. “Can we just forget what I said when you opened the door?”
“I don’t think so.”
“I mean, Elena who? Don’t know her.”
Ramona smiled, but in a way that told April she was not going to get away with deflecting quite so easily now.
“Unfortunately,” Ramona said, “we both know her all too well.”
April blew out a big breath, gazing at the coffered ceiling. She stared at the inset lights, counted the large squares created by the molding—nine in all, three across, three down—and thought about Daphne.
Because that was who this was really about. April didn’t love Elena Watson. Elena was all wrong for her, and she’d known that for a long time. But the betrayal…that was still there, a fully intactlayer around her heart. That feeling of not being good enough. Not being chosen. Never, ever being theone.
Elena had been April’s partner.
Her almost-wife.
And she’d looked at April and saidnever mind.Walked away with someone new, someone better, someone sweeter.
Daphne fucking Love.
The tears came suddenly, a flash flood, filling her eyes and spilling out before she could even get her next breath.
