“Jesus,” she said, untangling herself and collapsing next to Lola.
Lola laughed and pulled her close. “Good, huh?”
“God yeah.”
Lola pressed her mouth to Brighton’s neck. “We get a whole lifetime of that, baby. Starting today.”
Brighton froze. She wanted everything Lola just said. All of it. Except her brain kept getting caught on one word.
Today.
“You and me,” Lola said, exhaling. “New York. Music. Everything we’ve always wanted.”
Brighton nodded, but even as Lola said it, she felt herself shrinking. It wasn’t everythingshe’dalways wanted. Yes, she wanted Lola, wanted a life with her, but she needed her own life too, and that still evaded her. She couldn’t catch her breath in New York, couldn’t seem to make her feet fit on those sidewalks the way Lola’s did.
She’d told Lola more than once about how much she liked Nashville, how after she’d taken a trip there with her mother for a chef’s convention when she was fifteen, she’d felt that spark for the city, knew it was a great place to be for singer-songwriters. And Lola had listened whenever Brighton spoke of it, had nodded and said they’d make it happen. But as the years passed, New York loomed as the only option for Lola, Nashville receding into the background.
And Brighton didn’t know how to stop it or change it. The last thing she wanted was to keep Lola from anything she wanted—Lola had grown up with a cold mother, a quiet house in a town that afforded few opportunities for someone of Lola’s talent. All Lola had ever wanted since the day they’d met on the beach was Brighton—a family of her own—and a career as a musician in New York City.
Brighton couldn’t take that away from her. Didn’t want to.
And yet…
She inhaled, closed her eyes, let out her breath slowly. Maybe if she just told Lola the truth. She’d always been able to tell Lola everything, anything.
Everything except this.
“I…I think I’m a little nervous,” she said.
She felt Lola freeze up, her arm going stiff around Brighton’s middle.
“Not about us,” Brighton said quickly. “Just…I don’t know.”
Lola propped herself up on her elbow, her ponytail now halfway falling over her bare shoulder. “About the wedding?”
Brighton swallowed, searched Lola’s brown eyes. She just wanted Lola toknow, to see the fear she couldn’t give voice to, the unhappiness she felt in New York that she couldn’t put into words.
“Maybe,” she said.
“It’s going to be beautiful. Your mom has been such a help, putting all of this together and planning everything. And with her food at Simone’s? Immaculate.”
“No, I know, I just…”
Brighton exhaled, took a tress of Lola’s hair and wrapped it around her finger, smoothing the silvery strands. Took a second to get her thoughts together.
“I think,” she finally said, releasing her words slowly, carefully, “I’m just not as settled in New York as I want to be.”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, everything in her felt lighter. Just to finallysayit. She’d wanted everything about their transition to New York to be so perfect for Lola that she hadn’t really realized just how small she’d become. How much she hadn’t said.
Surely now that she’d finally admitted it—even with that mild statement—she and Lola could talk about it. Figure out what kind of life was reallytheminstead of justher.
“What do you mean?” Lola said.
“I just…” Brighton looked Lola right in the eyes, pulled on her hair a little to get her closer…closer. “I think I feel a bit lost.”
Lola’s brows pushed together, her lovely mouth turning down a little. She smoothed a hand over Brighton’s hair, drifted her fingers down Brighton’s cheek. Brighton felt her eyes close, felt herself loosen.
“I think that’s normal with a big move,” Lola said.
