Stevie tracked Iris’s freckles across her face. She had one blue one, right under her eye.
“Tell me about this,” Iris said. Her fingertips brushed the tiny heart tattoo at Stevie’s throat, then retreated.
“Oh.” Stevie touched the spot too, though she couldn’t feel anything there after so many years. “Adri and I got it together.”
“I figured,” Iris said. “I noticed hers too.”
“We’d been dating for about a year. I’d always wanted one—a tattoo, I mean—but I was scared to get it on my own, because of course I was.”
Iris’s brows dipped a little, but she said nothing.
“Anyway, it was sort of spontaneous. We were out on the night of our anniversary and passed a tattoo shop. Adri suggested doing something together. I agreed. That’s it. Nothing too fancy or romantic, actually.”
Iris’s eyes slipped to the tattoo, then back to Stevie’s face again. “I think you’re a lot braver than you give yourself credit for.”
Stevie closed her eyes for a split second. “I’m not. But thank you for saying that.”
“Stevie. I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass here.”
Stevie gazed at her, that blue freckle like a little spark among all the brown. “I want that to be true. I’m trying.”
“You’re doing amazing, okay?”
Stevie nodded, her chest opening up at Iris’s words. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear that from someone until this moment. Still, it wasn’t enough to be trying. She had todo. If she didn’t, she’d stay stuck. She’d fall right back into Adri—all her ex had to do was ask. Stevie couldn’t believe how close she came last night to giving in to the feeling of it, ofAdri and Stevie, the solid fact of being a part of a real couple. If it hadn’t been for Vanessa hovering at the edge of her mind, and Adri’s declaration that she loved Van, Stevie knew she wouldn’t be in this bed with Iris right now.
“I still want to keep practicing,” she said. “If that’s okay with you.”
Iris shifted, propping herself up on her elbow. “Are you sure? You did pretty great last time.”
Stevie’s cheeks grew warm, blood rushing to the surface, and she pointed at them. “Look at this. I can’t even think of being with someone like that without blushing.”
“Blushing isn’t a crime, Stevie. It’s actually pretty adorable.”
“To you, maybe. But you... we... this isn’t really happening. You and me. There’s no risk here, right?”
Iris swallowed. “Right.”
“When it’s really happening, I don’t want to fumble and shake and fight for breath. I don’t want to have totellsomeone why I’m shaking and fighting for breath. God. I want to feel sexy. I want tobesexy. There’s nothing sexy about a panic attack.”
“Okay,” Iris said. “What do you want to do?”
Stevie laughed and turned onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. “Aren’t you the teacher?”
“Yeah. And I’m telling you, like I told you last time, to take control. That’s how you’re going to feel sexy. By owning it anddoingit. So do it.”
Stevie glanced at her. “Now?”
“Now.”
They looked at each other for a second, Iris’s mouth parted just a little.
“You’re sure?” Stevie asked.
Iris smiled. “Once again, you have my enthusiastic consent.”
Stevie nodded, then worked herself out from under the covers and sat up on her knees. Took a few deep breaths. She gazed down at Iris, who was still propped up on her elbow, the sheet covering her body to her ribs.
“Lie back,” Stevie said.
