“You’re welcome anytime,” Stevie said, but then her throat went thick at the thought of being away from these three people. They’d been her best friends for ten years, walking with her through her anxiety, through her acting ups and downs. Through Adri herself. She and Adri may be complicated, but Stevie would always love her.
As she looked at her now, her green hair fading more and more into her natural dark brown, Stevie felt nothing but grateful. She reached out and squeezed Adri’s hand. In turn, Adri smiled sadly at her, then winked. It was such a small gesture, but it felt huge to Stevie’s heart.
A letting go.
An accepting.
She nodded, squeezed Adri’s hand one more time, then released her, turning to face the city she’d loved for so long. The air was cool, that September promise of fall, of sweaters and scarves and rain boots. Stevie breathed it in, tried to visualize herself on that airplane tomorrow morning, three full duffels checked and stowed underneath.
“I invited her,” Ren said, coming up next to her, shoulder pressing close. “Texted her the details.”
Stevie frowned. “Invited...”
“Iris, of course,” Ren said, rolling their eyes.
“Oh,” Stevie said, gazing back out at the city. “Right.”
“She didn’t respond. Not even to decline.”
Stevie nodded, then shrugged. She couldn’t imagine leaving Oregon without telling Iris goodbye. Then again, she supposed they’d said all there was to say two weeks ago.
“I’m sorry, Stevie,” Ren said, leaning their head on Stevie’s shoulder. “I know you liked her.”
Loved, Stevie’s brain supplied, but she shoved the word away. Love had nothing to do with her and Iris. Nothing at all. She breathed in her anger at Iris’s cowardice and denial of what they had, letting it push out the ache in her heart. Anger was easier. Anger was fire, cleansing and overpowering.
“It was fake,” Stevie said. She felt Ren’s attention, Adri and Vanessa’s, snap to her.
“What?” Ren said.
“Me and Iris,” Stevie said, taking a deep breath. “It was all fake. We did meet at Lush, but then... god, I won’t even go into the details about that night, but it didn’t go well. I let you all believe it had. And then she showed up at the Empress and... I don’t know.”
“You... made up your relationship?” Adri asked.
Stevie met her eyes, nodded.
“Why?” she asked.
“Fuck,” Ren said, shaking their head. “Adri, you know why.”
“Oh, Stevie,” Van said, her lovely face crumpling.
“Okay, stop,” Stevie said. “I didn’t do it only because of you two. And Ren, honestly, you didn’t help.”
“Me?” Ren asked.
“You. Look, I know you all love me. I do. But sometimes... you assume you know what’s best for me before even giving me the space to figure it out myself.”
Ren had the self-awareness to look away but said nothing.
“Iris agreed to go along with the whole thing to give me somespace. Some time, I don’t know, to figure myself out without Adri and Van constantly feeling guilty about getting together and without Ren’s nagging me to move on. I needed time to beme.”
“Stevie,” Ren said. “I’m sorry.”
Stevie shook her head. “I get it. Really, I do. But I need you all to understand that just because I have an anxiety disorder, it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to take care of myself. Idoneed you. I need you all so much, but part of that need is you having a little fucking faith in me.”
They were all silent and Stevie turned back toward the city, letting her words sink in. Her heart was racing, but god it felt good to finally say it.
Adri broke the spell first. She reached out and took Stevie’s hand again. Stevie let her, because she knew everything she needed from Adri she’d already given to herself.
