“I would never let Eva get hurt, Luca.”
“I know you wouldn’t mean to. But you don’t see clearly when it comes to Maggie. You know you don’t. And she’s your mom, so I don’t blame you for that. But look at what’s going on, Gray. You’re living in a crappy motel room. Again.”
I look away, embarrassment filling me up like wet concrete poured into a pothole. My throat starts to ache, threatening tears. “You know what’s weird?”
“The way Patrick keeps peeking through the door? He’s freaking me out.”
I laugh and wipe at my eyes. “He feels very invested in my playing. If I’m quiet for too long, he clears his throat or just point-blank lectures me about how practice makes perfect.”
“Or he heard you’re living at the Lucky Lobster and he’s rubbernecking.”
“Or he heard I’m living at the Lucky Lobster.”
God, it sounds so awful when I say it out loud. Like Wes Anderson got really depressed and this is the movie he made.
“What’s weird, Gray?” Luca asks.
I take a deep breath and glance toward Eva on the chair. Her eyes are on her phone’s screen, probably watching leaps and pirouettes or whatever you call them. She looks beautiful just sitting there. She looks sad, too, and I know she misses more than her mom.
“I just . . . it’s so easy with Eva,” I say.
Luca tilts his head. “And that’s weird?”
“A little? I don’t know. I feel happy.”
Luca frowns. “You mean, you’ve never felt happy before now? God, I am a shitty friend.”
I laugh. “No, you’re not. It’s just different with Eva. You and Emmy have always made me feel . . . hopeful. Safe.” I look down, sliding my finger over middle C. “I know I’m too much sometimes.”
“Hey.” He nudges my shoulder until I look at him. “You’re not too much. At least, no more than me or Eva or whoever the hell. You’re just . . .”
I lean against his shoulder. He leans back.
“I’m just what?” I ask.
He sighs. “You’re just a kid who’s had to be a grownup way too many times.”
Tears spring into my eyes, but I squeeze them back. “Being a grownup sucks.”
He laughs and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “It looks like it sucks. Let’s never get old.”
“Neverland, here we come.”
“I’ve always wanted to wear a leaf shirt and tights.”
“Will Kimber be your happy thought?”
He grins and waggles his eyebrows. “Well, I know who yours will be.”
I flap my hands and lift up a little like I’m about to take flight right there. Soon we’re laughing and Luca’s trying to noogie me to keep my butt on the piano bench.
“How long are you going to be in the motel?” he asks after the laughter dissolves.
“Not sure. Mom’s looking for a place.” At least, I think she is. I haven’t seen her much, to be honest. I’ve spent most of my time at work or here, practicing. When I went to sleep last night, she’d been AWOL all day. I set my alarm to wake me up every hour, and around three, I lifted my head to see her small form curled up on the bed, reeking of cigarettes and beer. Most likely, she’s been hanging out at Ruby’s, but I don’t have the energy to fight her on it. At least she’s not asking me to go, which is both a relief and worrisome.
“Come to dinner tonight,” Luca says. “Eva’s got to work and I know she’s your girl and all, but some you-and-me time wouldn’t hurt, you know? Mom said she’d make whatever you want. She hates that you feel like this. We don’t wish you were different, Gray. We really don’t.”
I smile and nod, relieved as hell that Emmy wants me there.
