“But,” she says, sighing, “it won’t happen now because Pete has his panties in a wad.”
“Come on, Maggie,” Pete says from the hallway. “That’s not fair. You can’t tell me this is how normal relationships are supposed to go. You don’t steal.”
“For the millionth time, I wasn’t stealing—?”
“Call it whatever you want, sugar. You took my money without asking.” He glances at me, his expression softening. “I’m sorry, Grace. Y’all can stay here until you find a place. Long as it takes. But me and your mother . . . it’s not going to work.”
I nod, grateful for the stay of execution, but Mom’s having none of it.
“Oh, no,” she says, waving her arms around before snatching up the box with the necklace in it and stuffing it into her pocket. “We’re leaving today. This minute, in fact. Grace, go finish packing.”
“What? Where the hell are we going to go?”
“Just do it, baby.”
Pete runs a hand over the back of his neck. “This is ridiculous. Grace, you can stay here if you need to, all right?”
I start to say something, but Mom explodes. “Don’t you dare try to take my daughter away from me!”
“Maggie, for god’s sake. That’s not what I’m doing. But you can’t keep hauling that poor girl all over the cape. It’s not good for her.”
“I know what’s good for my daughter. She’s been fine for seventeen years, and she’ll be fine today, too.”
Her words cut through me like a jagged piece of ice.
I know what’s good for my daughter.
She’s been fine for seventeen years.
She’ll be fine.
Is that really how she sees our existence? Doing me good? Fine? I glance around at all the beautiful decorations, the roses, all of it for Eva, and probably on the right day, too. Eva didn’t tell me. She didn’t tell anyone, most likely. But my mom thinks she can fix it. Make it something memorable and good and maybe even therapeutic.
She’s trying to make sure Eva is fine.
And that’s when it really hits me. I’ve thought it all before, the shadow of a truth I never allowed to really take root. I’ve brushed it off, excused it, said yes to the next duplex, tolerated the next boyfriend, but now it’s glaring. It’s in Pete’s worried expression. It’s in Mom’s overreaction and overconfidence. It’s in every single one of those purple roses.
I am not fine.
Chapter Twenty-Four
WE END UP AT THE LUCKY LOBSTER MOTEL, Cape Katie’s cheapest accommodation for tourists who plan on spending as little time as possible indoors. We’ve stayed here a couple of times before in between one shitty apartment or duplex and the next.
Mom checks us into a room with two double beds. The carpet is a dingy coral color, the wallpaper a faded seagrass motif, and the bedspreads are a dull gray. I’m pretty sure they used to be bright blue. The whole room smells like a mix of cigarette smoke and Comet.
I toss my suitcase onto one of the beds. The rest of my stuff is still at the lighthouse. Mom told Pete we’d come back for everything in the next week, but right now she wanted to get the hell away from your ugly face. Direct quote. I don’t even ask what she’s going to do with all that party stuff. I don’t want to know.
Jay came into my room while I packed some essentials. He didn’t say anything, just handed me my music books and watched me. What the hell was there to say? Again, I had felt the need to apologize. Who knows, maybe that thousand dollars was for Jay’s football equipment come fall. Maybe it was for food or SAT prep courses or something for the lighthouse. And Mom just took it.
When I finished packing, I couldn’t even look at him. But when I went to pass by him, he stopped with a hand on my arm, there and then gone. “I’m sorry,” he said.
I lifted my gaze to his. I wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for, but it felt like it was for more than what had happened with our parents.
“Me too,” I said, and I was. Not because that whole Tumblr fiasco was okay. It wasn’t. But because I really was sorry for hurting him. For never asking. For generally not giving a shit.
Now I look around my new home for the unforeseeable future. Again. I feel a sob rise up in my throat, a longing for my room at the lighthouse, that room I hated so much when Mom first tossed me in there. But it’s the room where Eva and I became us. I almost wish I had taken Pete up on his offer and stayed. But Mom needed me. She’s going to spin the hell out because of this thing with Pete. How could I say no? How could I leave her?
How can I leave her?
