My sources say no.
I’d laughed and grabbed the 8 Ball out of his hands. “Does Luca still suck his thumb in his sleep?”
Without a doubt.
Luca fake-gasped and knocked the 8 Ball out of my hands. He grinned, but it melted quickly. “Seriously, Grace. Help me understand this.”
I huffed loudly, lying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling so I didn’t have to look at Luca’s earnest gaze. “I like kissing guys, all right?” And I did. I still do.
“So you’re not gay?” Luca asked.
I remember blinking about a million times, the ridges in the ceiling’s plaster flashing in and out of my vision. I rolled the word and all that it entailed around in my head a few times. It didn’t fit. It wasn’t me and I said as much.
“Okay,” Luca said. “But would you have kissed Natalie? I mean, if she’d wanted to?”
God, the thought alone made my arms break out in goose bumps. All that softness. Sameness. “Yeah. Yeah, I definitely would have.”
His eyes narrowed on me. It wasn’t a judgmental look, only curious and just . . . Luca. He watched me for a few seconds before he broke into a grin, tapping his finger on his chin. “You know, I think there’s a word for this.”
I looked away from him and my cheeks flamed up—?not from embarrassment, but from knowing. From realization, because I was pretty sure there was a word for it too.
“You’re a little baby bisexual.” And even though my stomach flipped over, a little rhythmical yes humming through my veins, I laughed at the way Luca was trying to make sure I felt okay about it all, slipping something lighthearted into the middle of a large truth. He reached out and patted my shoulder, but I arced out of his reach and snapped my teeth at him.
“Bad bisexual,” he said.
The conversation devolved into laughter and noogies, but then that was that. Luca never made me feel weird about it. Never questioned when I dated guys. Never cocked a suspicious brow when I looked a little too long at some pretty girl. He let me be. And I knew the word fit me. It felt right. Not as a label, really, but more as a way to simply understand myself.
Still, I’d never dated a girl. I’d never even kissed a girl. Before and after Natalie, there had been a few on the cape and at school who made me feel the same way she did, at least physically, inspiring daydreams during school and those quiet moments alone in bed, my body pulled taut with thoughts that felt so easy and natural to give myself over to.
With the few girls I’ve been attracted to, there was always this guessing game attached to it. And I’d never gotten more than a friendship vibe from any of them. Hell, I barely got that. As Eva said yesterday, I can be a little prickly. I am my mother’s daughter, after all. Either way, there sure as shit hasn’t been any love, with anyone. Jay used to turn me into a puddle just by smiling at me from across the cafeteria, but I wasn’t in love with him. I’m not even sure I can fall in love. All I do know is that there has never been a person who intrigued me enough to find out. Not since Natalie.
Until now.
I mean . . . maybe?
God, I’m dizzy, because like I said, it can be a guessing game with girls. A constant push and pull of hope and crushing that hope so you’re not disappointed. Maybe it’s just me.
I press my fingertips to my forehead to try to get my brain back in place and think of some brilliant, affirming response to Eva’s confession.
Instead, “Oh” is the eloquent retort that comes out of my mouth.
Eva tenses next to me. “Does that . . . bother you?”
“No!” We both startle at how loud my damn voice is. “I mean, no. Of course not. I . . . it’s fine.”
A silence settles over us—?a hovering sort of quiet that’s waiting for me to fill it with more words, more truths. But I can’t get it out. It’s not that I’m ashamed. It’s just so damn new, this flesh-and-blood possibility sitting right next to me, the heady jasmine scent coming off her skin and mingling with the salty air and sand.
Eva offers a little laugh, leaning back on her hands and stretching out her legs. “Well, I’m glad it’s fine.”
“I didn’t mean that you needed my approval.”
“No, I know. But you never know how someone will react. Took my mom a couple weeks to get her thoughts around it all when I told her.”
“But she was cool with it?”
“Yeah.” She looks down, picking at a loose thread on her shirt. “She loves me no matter what. Loved me. God, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this past-tense way of thinking.” Sighing loudly, she rubs at her forehead.
“Eva—?”
