“Yes,” he said through gritted teeth.
She smoothed her hand up his forearm, trying to loosen the knotted muscles.
“And when I buried Kristjan, I vowed I would never set foot in this place ever again.”
It all made sense—Rey’s departure; the animosity between him and Harpa. Surely he could not think Kristjan’s death his own fault?
“Have you ever spoken to her of it?” she asked with apprehension.
“Yesterday,” he said roughly. “I understand better than I did before. Yet…I do not know if I can find forgiveness.”
Silla’s brows drew together as she pondered his words. “I do not understand the workings of Harpa’s mind. What I do know is that the people we love wield the sharpest blades of all.” Her gaze grew unfocused. “My father lied to me for years. He fed me those poisonous leaves. It was a shameful thing not to tell me the truth.” She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “I do not like what he did, but I forgive him for it. And it has been such a weight lifted from my shoulders.”
Rey was silent but listening.
“I do not know if Harpa deserves forgiveness. But I knowyoudeserve it, Rey. Anger is such a burden to carry. There is peace to be found in surrendering it.” She took a deep breath. “His death is not yours to own.”
His hand tensed against hers. “He would not have taken them had I been here.”
Silla’s thumb slid along the back of Rey’s hand. “How greedy of you to take his death wholly.”
Rey released a sharp breath. “You use my own words against me.”
“They were wise words, spoken by a wise man,” she said softly. “I will not let you carry Kristjan’s death on your shoulders. I did not know him, but I know he loved you, and he would not wish for you to carry it. Kristjan would want you to be happy.”
Silla counted her breaths as she waited for Rey’s response. He hesitated. But then his strong, sturdy hand squeezed hers gently.
Torchlight caught on Rey’s textured curls, on his curving cheekbone. His jaw flexed. “I want you,” he said in a bare whisper. “More than air. More than anything in this gods damned world, Silla.”
She blinked back tears.
He took a deep breath. “You make me happy, Sunshine—so damn happy it terrifies me. But the thought of losing you terrifies me even more. I want this. I want you…us.” Rey paused. “And if you never want to be Eisa, it won’t change how I feel. If you wish to rest, I will shield you from harm. If youwant to fight, I will draw my sword beside you. If you want a hundred chickens, I will build you a hen-fortress.”
The tears were now gathering. She hadn’t known she needed to hear this. But now that he’d said it, a great weight lifted from her shoulders.
“But you’ve seen what I’m like—a temperamental man who can sometimes act with cowardice.” Shame was written all over his face. “If you no longer trust me with your heart, I’ll respect your wishes.”
He stared at her, and at last she realized what she saw. Gone was Axe Eyes, stern and tough and completely untouchable. This was Reynir Galtung, open, and willing and hopeful.
“I’m scared,” admitted Silla, her angry bravado from earlier melting away. She let him see everything she felt—how scared she was of being hurt. Of being used and discarded. “Perhaps,” she whispered, then faltered.Bravery, Silla, she urged herself.
“Perhaps we can be frightened together.”
Rey seemed not to breathe for a moment, caught somewhere between fear and disbelief. Silla wanted to kiss the worry from his brow; wanted to rub the tension from his shoulders. Pulling on his hand, Silla drew him onto the bed. As she made space for him, he rolled onto his side, staring deep into her eyes.
“I am not…words are not…” Rey shook his head, then said in a rush, “I will say the wrong thing often. I’m not a sensitive man. I’ll trample you without meaning to,” he admitted. “But know that I will fight for you, Silla. For you, I will work to be softer, to be a better man.”
“No,” she blurted, the blood draining from her face.I thought you could make me into a good man, Jonas had once told her. “I like you as you are. And I,” she said, “am also sorry. For pushing too hard about your brother.”
“Incredible woman,” Rey murmured. “The best I’ve ever met. Soft, yet strong. Sweet, yet sharp.” He studied her carefully. “I’ve watched you grow and change, and I know there are mountains yet for you to climb. But I want to be by your side when you conquer them. And I will relish in watching others underestimate you.”
“Relish?” she asked in amusement.
“I know better than to doubt you, my brave girl,” said Rey. “You never were afraid of me, were you?”
“I feared you,” she whispered. “But only until I understood the kind of man you are. An honorable man. A protector.”
His knuckles stroked along her cheek, lips quirking into an Almost-Smile. “How do you feel?” he asked.
