“Itisa place for the dead,” she murmured, pulling free from his grip and avoiding his gaze.
“I can go alone, but I don’t want to lie. Not to the Uppreisna. There’s only so long...” Rey didn’t want to pressure her, but he didn’t understand. “Can you explain it to me?” he tried as gently as he could. “Why you have no interest in her?”
Silla whirled away, but not before he caught the redness creeping up her throat.
Frustration gathered in his gut. “Why are you still afraid?” he asked, more harshly than he’d intended.
Silla turned to him, aghast. “What?”
“Eisa,” said Rey, stubbornly shouldering forward. “You’ve faced so much. Have come so far. But still, you always steer the conversation away from her. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve never asked about your birth parents.”
Silla would not meet his eyes, but he could read her body language well enough—tense and ready to flee. It seemed she was still not ready for this.
“I let you reveal my identity to your friends,” she muttered. “Is that not enough?”
“Yesterday’s attack proves we cannot do this ourselves. They’ll come for us again. We need men. More eyes, more blades. Come to the Uppreisna meeting tonight and reveal your identity. They’ll understand the urgency of our situation. They canhelp.Offer better protection.”
“No,” she said forcefully. “I cannot. Not yet…”
“These areGaldra, Silla,” said Rey. “Good, honorable Galdra. You needn’t fear them. They would never turn on their own?—”
“Like Ketill?” she spat.
Rey rubbed his forehead, trying to choose his words.
But Silla had turned on her foot.“I need more time.”
And with that, she rushed to the sleeping quarters and slung the curtain shut.
Sittingon the bed with the curtain separating her from the rest of the shield-home, Silla wished she’d stormed into the yard. With only a shred of linen separating them, she could hear as Rey moved around the space, adding wood to the fire and pouring water into the cauldron.
Silla forced in deep breaths, trying to tame the panic thrashing through her veins. She did not know how she could simultaneously want to punch ReynirGaltung in his beautiful, cruel mouth, while also wanting to climb into his lap and press her lips to his.
Why are you still afraid?
What an arse. Anger flared through her. Rey had always been assertive—had always pushed her. But there had also always been a measure of restraint. Today, he’d broached the subject of Eisa with the subtlety of a broadsword.
How could she explain it wasn’t simply a change of names? That becoming Eisa meant rewriting her entire past. It meant mourning the loss of dreams she’d had for so long and coming to terms with what her future now held—duty, responsibility, and expectations she could never live up to.
Each day, she tried to surrender to Eisa. Each day, it grew a little easier. Yet still she had a long way to go before she could summit this mountain.
Time. She needed more time.
But the daggers she’d pointed at Rey soon turned inward. WhydidEisa frighten her so much? Why could she still not do this? As a sob broke free, Silla held her head in her hands. She needed to calm her racing thoughts. To get back to a place of stability.
Perhaps Harpa’s mind-clearing techniques would be good for more than controlling her galdur. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Silla closed her eyes and found the quiet corner of her mind. It was dark and calm and utterly still.
You’ll never be ready to be Eisa, Matthias soon whispered. Silla greeted his words. Let them settle into her. And released them.
Perhaps I won’t,floated the thought. Perhaps she would never be ready to be Eisa. Perhaps she would always mourn Silla’s dreams of a quiet life with chickens. This thought, too, she acknowledged and freed.
You’re not strong enough to be Eisa,whispered Matthias.Too soft. Too scared.They stung, these thoughts, but she did not push them away. She let herself feel them, let them do what they would before letting them go.
Magnus is the Black Cloak,came a new voice—a woman’s voice.How could I not have seen it? How do I get word to Ana with them watching me?
Silla’s breath caught. The woman’s voice…it was so familiar.Who was that?thought Silla. From beyond the curtain, Rey coughed, but Silla kept her thoughts focused inward.
This fresh delusion is splendid, came the woman’s sarcastic voice.
