Colonel hands me a weighty silver pen. “Supposed to.Those words don’t mean much, do they? Maggie chose a trust instead of a will because it was imperative to her that her legacy remainedin Arcadia Falls. She has paid me to enforce her requirements whether I believe them wise or not.”
I sign on the line because there’s no reason not to. When you’ve got nothing, pretty much anything is an improvement. I return Colonel’s pen, and he bustles around, muttering about his assistant being out for the day as he makes a copy for me and then places the signed paper in the file as if it’s precious.
“I’ll file everything for you, go through all the proper motions, but as far as I’m concerned, you are now the sole beneficiary of all your grandmother’s holdings. Should you wish to divide them up with your sisters, I can handle that for you legally, and if you’d rather rent out the spaces, I can help with that, too. Any money you spend improving the properties, whether to occupy them yourself or rent them, must be reported to me with receipts, but I’m here most business days from nine until five.”
“And that’s it? That’s all there is?”
“Everything in her apartment is yours now. You would’ve had her old truck, but I’m afraid there was nothing left but scrap. Drunk drivers on these roads, I swear.” He shakes his head sadly. “I understand Maggie has an account at the bank up the street, so they can help you sort that out. In any case, welcome to Arcadia Falls.” His smile is genuine, his eye twinkling. “I do hope you’ll enjoy it here. Your family has always been part of this place, and I pray it will continue that way.”
He slides a battered leather key ring across the desk, and there must be at least two dozen keys of all shapes and sizes on it.
“Do all of these keys go to something?”
He stands, struggling into his blazer. “Not a clue, darlin’. The stairs up to the apartment are out back in the alley. The parking spaces are marked. Beyond that, I’m afraid I don’t know much. Avery private woman, your grandmother. I’ve never even been upstairs, so I have no idea what condition it’s in.” He holds open the door and seems to relax a little once I’m dripping on his porch instead of his rug. “Just one more thing.”
Colonel locks his office door and looks suspiciously from side to side like he’s expecting someone to pop out from behind the shady fig tree. “Your grandmother was tough and feisty,” he whispers. “I’m not sure what happened, but the town seemed to turn on her a while back—some families, at least. No one would tell me why. You might encounter some unfriendliness when the locals find out who you are. Not that I would know, as I’m not a gossip, but just…” He smooths back his white hair. “Just watch out, is all I’m saying.”
With that, he gives me a jaunty nod, gets in his car, and drives away before I can drip on anything else of value, leaving me alone in his parking lot with a moist bird and a soggy butt.
“Well, that was strange,” I mutter to myself as I head for my car.
“It certainly was,” someone says—that same female voice from the waterfall.
I look around, and there isn’t another human being anywhere near us.
This is…too much.
I slam into my car seat, shut and lock the door, and put Doris’s backpack on the passenger side.
“Who keeps talking to me?” I say to my empty car.
“Come on, girl. You’ve got to be smarter than this.”
I look over and Doris is staring at me through the mesh panel of the backpack, her red eyes blinking expectantly like she knows I have popcorn and is hoping for a handful.
“My cockatoo is not talking to me,” I say, and I’m thankfully staring straight at Doris, so I know her mouth—beak!—isn’t moving when the next words are spoken.
“Well, yes and no,” the voice says tiredly. “Your cockatoo is now your grandmother, and it seems you can hear me. So I guess that’s our introduction. This was not supposed to happen.” Doris ruffles up her feathers and flares out her tail like she always does when she’s annoyed.
“Not what was supposed to happen?”
“I wasn’t supposed to die this early, and you’re not supposed to be here at all,” she snaps. “The trust only goes to next of kin in case of catastrophe. Which is what’s happened. It’s all gone wrong. I worked too hard to see everything go to waste.”
That raises my dander. “Your granddaughter inheriting your estate is a waste?”
“Yes!”
“Well, I’m so sorry to disappoint. Since it seems like you don’t want me around, shall I open the window so you can go do your own thing? Maybe find a flock of pigeons to infiltrate?”
The voice in my head huffs a sigh.
“Look, honey, I’m mad, but I’m not mad at you. I was supposed to come back as my cat and help Diana—” The voice cuts off. “But Diana is gone.” She makes a few weirdgerk-glucknoises before saying, with some surprise, “Huh. Birds can’t cry. This body is going to take a lot of getting used to.”
I can’t currently trust this bird, so I buckle the backpack into the passenger seat instead of letting Doris—or whoever she is now—sit on her car seat perch.
“Nope,” I say, putting the car in reverse and backing out of the space. “Nope, my dead grandmother is not a talking cockatoo. Iwill get to a safe place and shower and put on dry clothes and drink a glass of water, and then I’ll figure out why I’m hallucinating.”
I’m on the road now, headed up toward the main street. Doris flaps her wings, and I hear the thump of her landing in the bottom of the backpack.
